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Financially Strained: How to Handle Husband's Debt and Parental Pressure?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.

Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I got married in December 2012. Love marriage, we met in the office. I clearly told him that if I get married I would need to give one years salary to my dad as he has loan installments to pay and also told him my dad would do good wedding arrangements however no dowry should be asked. When his parents came to see me for the first time they came all prepared to finalize the relationship however we weren't aware. Me and my parents thought they are just coming to see me and the family. But when they started off with basic rituals that is when we were stunned but then went along. His father asked dowry from my dad and he was speechless but when I denied my father spoke to them and said he will bear all their expenses too but won't be able to give dowry. When I confronted my husband he said he wasn't aware that his dad will ask for dowry. We got married and when we visited his hometown his father confessed that he was not aware that me and my husband had discussed no dowry part otherwise he would not have asked my father. I was infuriated but I let it go. Soon after an year my salary started coming in and he would tranfer it in his account. I did not pay attention to it. Soon all the money was in his control. There came a situation in my family, my sister's wedding was called off by groom's end three days before the wedding and it was a shock. My husband asked us to write a letter stating all about the situation so that it can be submitted to the police. My husband kept a copy of that letter with him. During the lockdown my father asked for some monetary help from me but my husband denied to help him, and I started hating him to my core. Soon my mother in law moved in with us when my father in law expired. Since then our relationship sucked. She would always manipulate his son. I got so furious I started putting sugar in my husband's milk as he is diabetic and then later confessed it to him. Now he is threatening me of releasing that letter to my sister's husband and also has kept all the money in his control. He says he will make me feel sorry for what I did and also we are just living in my home but we have no relation and he does not talk to me. I don't want this relationship to flourish anyways but I need to know what can I do if I can get half of the assets. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have decided not to stay within the marriage, the best recourse would be to seek legal advice and move ahead. He/She will advice you on assets split, custody etc.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1030 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Hello sir, I am 33years old and like to have a stable life with a good retirement corpus along with children education. I have 2 sons both are of 1 and 3years old respectively and my wife is a housewife. I am having FD of 16L, 10L in gold, bought a flat paying housing loan EMI of 25K, having term insurance for 1cr and health insurance for 4L. I am making investments in mutual funds SIP of 30k since last 1 year. Hdfc dividend yeild fund 1000 Icici bluechip fund 8000 Quant small cap fund 1000 Canara robecco small cap fund 1000 Uti nifty index fund 5000 Icici balanced advantage fund 5000 Jm flexicap fund 2000 Quant elss fund 5000 Parag pareekh flexicap fund 2000 Lumsum Investments Sbi healthcare fund 20K Quant infrastruture fund 10k Sbi magnum gilt fund 20k Plz advice....am i really doing good with these investments or shall i replan my investments....
Ans: Hello;

Having 12 funds(9 sip+3 lumpsum) in portfolio is not required.

You need to just 4 funds for your sip of 30 K(divided equally):
1. Flexicap fund
2. Large and midcap fund
3. Balanced advantage fund
4. Multi asset allocation fund

You may consider exiting the sectoral, thematic and debt fund owned by you and redeploy it in your regular funds.

This ensures equity(large cap oriented)is predominant asset class in your portfolio but it also has exposure to debt and gold for balance and risk mitigation.

Also keep a target to step up sip amount every year by 7-10% atleast.

This will go towards higher education provision for your kids. (~1.85 Cr in 15 years considering 7% annual top-up and 10% modest returns)

For your retirement planning you may consider NPS and start with a decent amount(~30 K pm) as regular investment since time is on your side(27 years to hit 60 age).[3.45 Cr in 27 years without any step up consideration. 8% returns assumed].

Consider buying home loan insurance and super top-up health cover.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

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