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Trapped in love: Christian woman with Hindu boyfriend seeks legal way to marry

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Me and my boyfriend in a relationship from 5 years. My parents are happy with our relationship, but not his. I am Christian and he is Hindu. He tried to run away a few months ago to another state but his father spoke to authorities and caught him at an airport. He is now being monitored and has no way to escape. We want to seek legal help to get married but not sure where to look. We tried to look into special marriage act, but it requires 30 days notice meaning, his parents might find out and things get worse. Any advise is much appreciated on what help we can get legally.

Ans: First, it's essential to acknowledge the emotional strain this situation may be putting on both of you. It's okay to feel overwhelmed or uncertain, but your commitment to each other is a strong foundation to build upon. It's crucial to support each other emotionally through this process, as it will require patience, resilience, and understanding.

Additionally, you might consider looking into organizations or NGOs that support interfaith or inter-caste couples. These groups often have experience dealing with similar situations and can offer both legal advice and emotional support. They can also help navigate the legal process in a way that minimizes risk and ensures your rights are protected.

It's important to stay connected with people who support you both emotionally, whether it's friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your burden can lighten the emotional load and provide you with a network of allies who can help you through the process.

Remember, the love and commitment you share are powerful. While the road may be difficult, focusing on your shared goals and supporting each other through these challenges will strengthen your bond. Stay hopeful, seek the right help, and trust that you're making the best decisions for your future together.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 nd he is 28 we wanna marry eachother and we love eachother alot maam he comes from a hindu family and i come from a christian family in my family there are 16 members who have had love marriages nd are happy in their respective lives but when it comes to me my parents and my family always force me to get married to a guy of their choice i have been dealing with all this since 1 year i took help of my relatives also who have had love marriages but no body is ready to listen to me and they r threatening to kill my boyfriend im not at all happy with all this situations maam im getting panic attacks nd not able to sleep peacefully at night my family r calling my bf nd threatening to kill him im crying begging pleading but no body is supporting me or listening to my words nd my entire family r brainwashing me to leave my bf and get married to a christian guy my mom always let my family get interfere in my personal and professional life and seperate me from my career nd my bf they did it maam now my mom and my family r not letting me focus on my career and my mom forcefully bought me to my native place nd took my mobile also nd not letting me see my bf meet him or talk to him and not letting me work and my parents nd my family are mentally harassing me everyday to leave my bf maam what should i do plz help
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What can you do? Your family is still living under the rock. Your phone has been taken as well! There is no way for you to even consult with your boyfriend and sort the issue out, I guess.
The only thing I can think of is your safety and his at this point in time. You really need to think of what your family is doing; what are these threats? Are they for real?
If there's a way to communicate with your boyfriend, tell him to lay low for a while and you do the same. At times, giving slight rest to a problem can allow people around to become a bit calmer after which you can possibly talk to them and then come to a decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Janak

Janak Patel  |17 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Money
In early 2018, I had faced some financial problems (monthly Rs. 10,000 deficit) as I was working with a public sector enterprise. At that time, I was searching for a loan and got an agency that can provide Rs. 10,000 as Payday loan (monthly basis maximum 35 days) and rate of interest was 1% per day. These loan products were from NBFCs. I took this loan and this was the starting point. Due to my financial problems, I started taking these type loans from various agencies and rate of interest 0.7%-1% per day. In 2022, I had almost 15 payday loans amounting Rs. 10 lakhs. After that, I have been applying for a loan from almost all banks and NBFCs to close these paydays, but nobody is able to provide a loan due all payday loans have been shown in CIBIL as well as few bounces of my personal loan I had already with Kotak Bank. Now the situation is like that I have more than 25 payday loans amounting to more than Rs. 15 lakhs. Last 2 years I have been applying for a personal loan to close these but no banks and NBFCs are not providing. Every month I am giving and taking payday loans and the interest amount is too high. I have a Tata AIA pension policy as well as PF, both cannot be surrendered at this moment. Now, the major issue is how to overcome this financial mess I did. I don't have any options left at this moment. So I would request you if anybody can provide me assistance through your sources / channels to solve my financial problem. I can return the amount on a monthly installment basis and give my Tata AIA pension policy as well as PF documents for security. I have been working in an engineering consultancy firm and monthly income is almost Rs. 2 lakhs
Ans: HI Jitu,

In summary, you have 15 lakhs loans at 1% per day interest (= 365% per annum). No options to borrow from any other organized sources like Bank/NBFC. So monthly Interest is 4.5 lakhs.
Monthly Income is 2 lakhs.

This is called a Debt Trap, where your income is less than your outflow (debt), so you are in a negative balance always and keep borrowing to fill the gap. No point in going into the history of the situation but I hope this has been a big life lesson for you.

Borrowing against you Pension policy can be considered but depends on the company and note that this will be at a high interest rate.
Borrowing from PF funds is only under certain situations (e.g. illness, education, marriage) and so even that is ruled out.
I assume you have already considered all/any asset you may own to repay.

The solution cannot be a very simple one. But I can recommend a couple of options which you can see if they help. You plan should simple -
1. Find a source of funds to repay your current loans
2. Stay with bare minimum requirement for next few years and repay maximum amount towards new loan
3. Do not take any new loans and stay on track for next few years, no matter what.

With a salary of 2 Lakhs, you should take a hard look at your living expenses and cut out all except the basic necessities. At least on paper come up with a number that you can discuss with prospective lenders mentioned below. Give them confidence of your ability to pay back every month with a realistic number e.g. over 1 lakh per month. Make this as high as you can make it. Make compromises everywhere possible and evaluate each expense to see what you can eliminate for the next couple of years, except food and absolutely basic needs, compromise on everything else. And ensure you make this work no matter what. You will have to be strong willed to achieve this and make it work.

Check with any close friends/family members/relatives who will trust you and provide you with some loan and provide you with time to repay. Offer to pay them interest which is higher than FD but reasonable for you and you can go as high as 20% per annum. At 20% you can pay back 55~60K per month for 3 years and payback the loan with interest.

Assuming you have a bank account for direct salary deposit, approach the bank and explain your situation truthfully to them and request an overdraft/loan and offer them to recover an agreed amount at an agreed interest rate from your account directly as soon as your salary is deposited. Again the interest rate will be high but if this works, you will be on your way to recovery. Even if they offer an interest rate of 30%~40% per annum and recover in 3 years, your EMI will be around 62K~70K per month.

Approach your employer and discuss if a loan can be provided to you at a reasonable rate of interest and recovered from your salary each month. If you have been employed with them for over a year or longer, and if they consider to extend a loan this may be the best solution you can get. You can offer to sign a contract for this (stay with employer for a period or until loan is paid up).

Is there any other source of funds you can approach with a similar proposal then do so, as long as you can get a chance to payoff your current set of loans and have a manageable EMI amount to pay back over the next few years, just take the best option and keep every desire aside and stay focused on getting back on track.

Please note that borrowing from an alternate source is not going to work if you take a loan and relax after that. You have already impacted your CIBIL score which makes lenders stay away. Now your top priority will be to find a source of funds at reasonably high interest rate between 20% to 40% resulting in an EMI of 55K to 70K for 3 years, and ensure you do not default the payments and clear this ASAP. If you can pay higher amount each month, then do that and get out of these loans as quickly as possible.

With honesty and sincerity if you continue to stay on track, you can eventually start coming back to normal life where you can plan your expenses and save and invest too. But do remember to live within your means and save as much as possible. Over time build back your CIBIL score for future requirements.

Hope this is helpful in some way.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Harsh

Harsh Bharwani  |74 Answers  |Ask -

Entrepreneurship Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 10, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello sir, what are the prospects of digital marketing. Is freelance work available in digital marketing. Who can be its buyers.
Ans: Hello,
Digital marketing has a promising future as businesses increasingly rely on online platforms to promote their products and services. With the rise of social media, e-commerce, and artificial intelligence, companies are shifting towards digital strategies to engage customers and drive sales. The industry is constantly evolving, creating a strong demand for skilled digital marketers in areas such as SEO, social media marketing, content creation, paid advertising, and email marketing.

Freelancing Opportunities in Digital Marketing:-

Freelancing in digital marketing is a highly viable career option. Many businesses, especially startups and small companies, prefer hiring freelancers to manage their online presence rather than investing in full-time employees. As a freelancer, you can offer specialized services like:
1. Social media management
2. Search engine optimization (SEO)
3. Pay-per-click (PPC) advertising
4. Content writing and copywriting
5. Email marketing and automation
6. Website development and optimization

Freelancers can find work through platforms like Upwork, Fiverr, Freelancer, and LinkedIn or by directly reaching out to businesses.

Potential Buyers of Digital Marketing Services

The demand for digital marketing services comes from various sectors, including:
1. Small and Medium Enterprises (SMEs): Local businesses aiming for a broader customer base.
2. E-commerce Brands: Online stores looking to enhance visibility and conversions.
3. Startups & Entrepreneurs: New businesses seeking cost-effective digital strategies.
4. Large Corporations: Companies investing in long-term digital branding.
5. Coaches & Influencers: Personal brands needing social media growth.
6. Marketing Agencies: Agencies that outsource specialized tasks to freelancers.

With digital marketing becoming a necessity in today’s business landscape, professionals in this field - whether working as employees or freelancers - can expect steady growth and lucrative opportunities. I hope this will help you.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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