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Long-distance girlfriend with past FWBs: Is it a cheat?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Me and my boyfriend are in long distance relationship from past 6 months, I told him about my past in almost starting of it that I had 2 friends with benefits in past and one of that person was my classmate as well as friend, and he used to still contact me, and when I came in relationship also, he called me during that time and I told regarding my relationship status, and I also informed my boyfriend that I talked with him but this thing happened before he knows that I had physical intimacy with him, then when he asked me to block, I suddenly question "what is the point of blocking him" which I regret the most, but I blocked him later by myself, now my boyfriend is sayine me that I have cheated him and he won't trust me till his death, but I told everything in past happened to him. I love him a lot but he is not giving to work together in this relationship and saying that he won't stay loyal to me anymore, he won't trust be ever, as per him I have cheated him, but my intentions were not wrong at all, tho that guy was in contact but I never initiate any conversation with him while I came into relationship, is it really a cheat, is it that he should not trust me anymore? Please guide

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are going through a rough time and I am sorry for it. Here's a thought and I am sure you have thought of it too, try to see things from his perspective. While you know that you never cheated nor meant to, it is important to acknowledge that your boyfriend's feelings are valid. He is feeling betrayed and that's a fact. Now, our goal should be to fix this issue. How do we do it? Communication is the only way. Tell him that you understand his perspective but it is important that he sees yours too. If he wants to vent, listen to him. Do not interrupt or become defensive. Understand whatever he says is coming from his insecurity. I know it's difficult not to take it personally, but his statements will be a reflection of his feelings and not your character. Remember this during the conversation. Once he is done speaking, reassure him that you had no intention of cheating. You can also reassure him of your commitment. Promise to be more transparent and point out that you were honest with him from the beginning. If you had any intention to cheat, you could have easily not shared with him your past. But you did and that shows that you are committed to this relationship. Tell him that you understand the need for boundaries and it is not okay to be in touch with people who make your partner uncomfortable.

Look, rebuilding trust needs work and it also takes time. Both of you need to work on it. You will have to work on making him trust you and he will have to work on letting go of his misconception (which might be his reality) and trust you wholly again. Relationships don't work till two people trust each other completely. If he continues to say that he can't trust you again, it might be best to reconsider this relationship. Even though your words hurt him, you did not cheat on him in reality. Why should you have to live in fear that he will cheat on you merely to take revenge?

After you put in all the effort, see where it goes. If things do not get better, rethinking the relationship would be best. Everyone deserves someone who can trust and be trusted.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 16, 2024

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Relationship
Hii sir ! This is ritika and I love a boy and we are in relationship since 7 years but there are some behavior of him he always have doubt on me that I am dating another boy he always says that start you screenshare in WhatsApp I even do because I don't want to lose him and he saw all of things of my phone yesterday he again asking for that and I do and there was a tab of instagram which was belongs to my roommate it was her I'd open in my chrome browser where she only wants to delete the I'd which she did from my phone these instagram thing happened approx one year ago but when he saw this I told him that was not mine but he continuously said I am cheater I cheated with him again he was like I know you have two mobile phones and you cheated with me. I love him soo much but he cannot try to accept that . Even I don't talk to my male classmate because he didn't want ki main kisi boy se baat karu Is it fair , am I cheater ? I love him unconditionally I support him in all his career or decision but again he was like I cheated with him we are in long distance relationship but I can't cheat him . Literally I am feeling depressed ????
Ans: Dear Ritika,

Please understand that you did nothing wrong. Why would you even question yourself? You know you never cheated. It's his issue that he cannot trust. Yes, in a relationship we all try to comfort our partners but that too should be to a certain extent. And, in that process, if your mental health is being compromised, I don't see how it's a healthy relationship.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would reassure you that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You don't need to prove yourself anymore. And I can also assure you that no matter what you do, he will still manage to find some flaws and doubt you. It's a typical behavior we see in some partners. You deserve peace, love, and above all, to be trusted.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024
Relationship
Hi gurus, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whether you want to forgive him or not is your decision. But I would wonder if he has confessed all of it. The risk of carrying infections from visiting these places is heavy; so before jumping into any physical act with him, do suggest to him that he gets himself tested. He may oppose it, but be firm on it.
You love him and that's all okay...But is he in love with you OR is he wants to be with you because his family is involved as well?

What is a red flag is the fact that he was still visiting red light areas while he was in a relationship with you. Do you not want to know why? Do you not want to know what makes him beg for your forgiveness now? Till such time that you are satisfied and you can trust him again, do not act in a hurry.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi sir, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how conflicted you must be feeling right now, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you what would be the right thing to do, but it has to be your decision and yours alone. All I can suggest is to take a beat and not rush into deciding anything.

Take everything into consideration-
On the one hand, infidelity is indeed unacceptable in a relationship. But on the other, it was in the initial stage. He might not have been as serious about the relationship as you during those days. Nevertheless, the timing does not make his action justifiable. I suggest you have an open conversation and ask him why he felt the need to do this. Ask him if he did not consider your feelings. What's concerning is that he did not stop after the first time; he went back twice more. I am not judging his choice of location but the fact that he was in a committed relationship puts him in the wrong. Also, blaming it on peer pressure is inexcusable; this isn't something funny or trivial he did because his friends dared him to. Ask him to take accountability and understand that actions have consequences.

Take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide is okay. And if at any point you want to pick yourself over the relationship, I want you to understand that it is completely alright. You will feel like it's a selfish decision, but it isn't. Remember that. Please do what you need to help you heal from this.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

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Money
Hello, I am 57 years working out of India and earning 35 lacs annually with PR of that country and having NRI FD of 3.5 crore and mutual fund of 20 lac and sip of 3lac per annum. I have own bungalow and flat in b town of Gujarat. My daughter went to U.S.A for master last year. I want to retire and want to enjoy rest of life exploring the world with wife. Please advise.
Ans: Your goal is clear—retirement and world travel with your wife. You have built a strong financial foundation. Now, structuring your investments for lifelong cash flow is important.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Income: Rs. 35 lakh annual income from work abroad.

Assets: Rs. 3.5 crore in NRI fixed deposits, Rs. 20 lakh in mutual funds.

Investments: SIP of Rs. 3 lakh per year.

Real Estate: Own bungalow and flat in Gujarat.

Family Responsibility: Daughter pursuing a master's degree in the U.S.A.

Retirement Goal: Financial independence and world travel.

Key Challenges in Retirement Planning
Cash Flow Management: Ensuring a steady income for expenses.

Inflation Risk: Expenses will rise over time, reducing purchasing power.

Investment Growth: Maintaining and growing wealth to last a lifetime.

Liquidity Needs: Quick access to funds for travel and emergencies.

Tax Efficiency: Minimizing tax burden on withdrawals.

Retirement Corpus Planning
1. Estimating Annual Expenses
Consider monthly lifestyle costs, medical expenses, and travel budgets.

Account for inflation, as costs will rise over time.

Keep an emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses.

2. Generating Regular Cash Flow
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Provide safety but lower returns after tax.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Ideal for steady monthly income.

Dividend-paying Mutual Funds: Useful for passive cash flow.

Corporate Bonds: Can provide stable interest income.

Optimizing Your Investment Portfolio
1. Reducing FD Dependence
Rs. 3.5 crore in FDs is too high. Interest rates may not beat inflation.

Shift a portion into mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.

Debt mutual funds can provide stability with better tax efficiency.

2. Equity Exposure for Growth
Equity is necessary for long-term wealth growth.

Consider large-cap and multi-cap mutual funds for stability.

Keep a portion in international funds for global exposure.

3. Debt Investments for Stability
Short-term debt funds are good for liquidity.

Corporate bond funds can offer better returns than FDs.

Select tax-efficient debt instruments for fixed income.

Funding Your Travel Goals
Create a dedicated "Travel Fund" for expenses.

Use SWP from mutual funds to generate travel cash flow.

Avoid dipping into principal amount to maintain financial security.

Tax Planning for Retirement
1. Taxation on Withdrawals
SWP from equity mutual funds attracts LTCG tax after Rs. 1.25 lakh gains.

Debt fund withdrawals are taxed as per income slab.

Optimize withdrawals to reduce tax burden.

2. NRI Tax Considerations
Check tax liabilities in India and your resident country.

Double taxation treaties can help reduce excess taxation.

Plan withdrawals carefully to avoid tax inefficiencies.

Estate Planning and Succession
Create a will for asset distribution.

Nominate beneficiaries in mutual funds and FDs.

Consider gifting assets to your daughter for tax benefits.

Final Insights
Reduce FD dependency and shift towards mutual funds.

Maintain a balance between equity and debt investments.

Structure cash flow using SWP and tax-efficient investments.

Plan withdrawals wisely to minimize tax impact.

Set aside a dedicated travel fund for world exploration.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025Hindi
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is right time to invest in mutual funds short term
Ans: Your question on short-term mutual fund investment is important. Let’s assess if this is the right time and how to approach it.

Understanding Short-Term Investments in Mutual Funds
1. Market Conditions and Short-Term Investments
The Indian stock market is currently experiencing volatility.

Global economic uncertainties and interest rate policies are influencing market movements.

Short-term investments depend on market cycles and liquidity needs.

If invested for a short period, market timing plays a crucial role.

2. Risk vs. Reward in Short-Term Investing
Short-term mutual fund investments carry risks due to market fluctuations.

Equity funds may not be ideal for short-term goals due to volatility.

Debt funds can provide stability but may have lower returns than equities.

Risk assessment is necessary before investing for the short term.

3. Ideal Fund Categories for Short-Term Investment
Ultra-short duration funds: Suitable for 3–6 months with lower risk.

Short-duration funds: Ideal for 1–3 years with moderate risk.

Liquid funds: Best for parking surplus funds for a few months.

Corporate bond funds: Offer slightly higher returns but come with credit risk.

Key Factors to Consider Before Investing
1. Investment Horizon
Define the exact period you wish to stay invested.

If less than one year, avoid equity mutual funds.

If 1–3 years, prefer high-quality debt funds.

2. Liquidity Needs
Short-term investments should be easily accessible when needed.

Debt mutual funds offer better liquidity than FDs for short-term goals.

Exit loads and redemption timeframes should be checked before investing.

3. Taxation Impact on Returns
Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Consider post-tax returns while comparing investment options.

Evaluating Alternatives for Short-Term Investments
1. Fixed Deposits vs. Debt Mutual Funds
Bank FDs provide fixed returns but may have lower post-tax returns.

Debt mutual funds offer flexibility and tax-efficient returns.

FDs may be suitable if interest rates remain high.

2. Arbitrage Funds for Short-Term Investment
Arbitrage funds invest in equity but work like debt funds in terms of risk.

Tax-efficient for holding periods beyond one year.

Suitable for those seeking stability with slightly better returns than FDs.

Final Insights
Short-term mutual fund investments require careful selection based on the time horizon.

Debt funds are better suited for stability, while arbitrage funds offer tax efficiency.

Consider liquidity, taxation, and risk factors before investing.

Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns in equity funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 24, 2025Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir, I am 55-year-old corporate executive working in Delhi NCR. I own 3 house properties amounting to approx. INR 4 crores. Apart from these, I have PF of 45 lacs, PPF of 32 lacs, NPS of 40 lacs. I also have around INR 32 lacs in MFs & Equity, 30 lacs in FDs. My first child is studying engineering for which the expenses are around INR 2.5 lacs per annum while my second child would be going to college from next year. My monthly expenses are around 2 lacs. Am I in a position to retire ? Regards, SB
Ans: You have built a strong financial foundation with investments across multiple assets. Your key concern is whether your corpus can sustain your post-retirement lifestyle. Below is a detailed evaluation of your financial position.

Current Financial Position
Liquid Assets (Available for Retirement)
Provident Fund (PF) – Rs. 45L

PPF – Rs. 32L

NPS – Rs. 40L

Mutual Funds & Equity – Rs. 32L

Fixed Deposits – Rs. 30L

Total Liquid Assets = Rs. 1.79 Cr

Illiquid Assets (Not Considered for Regular Retirement Income)
Three House Properties – Rs. 4 Cr (Not included in the retirement corpus)

Liabilities and Key Expenses
Child 1 Education – Rs. 2.5L per annum (Few years remaining)

Child 2 College Fees – Future cost needs to be set aside

Monthly Household Expenses – Rs. 2L (Post-retirement, this will continue)

Key Factors for Retirement Decision
1. Corpus Required for Retirement
Your monthly expense is Rs. 2L, meaning Rs. 24L per year.

Inflation will increase this every year.

Your investments should generate income without depleting the principal too soon.

2. Children's Higher Education
Your elder child is already in college.

Your younger child will start college next year.

Education costs will impact your retirement savings.

3. Passive Income from Investments
Your NPS will provide a pension, but a portion must be annuitized.

PPF and PF can be used for systematic withdrawals.

FDs provide low returns and are taxable.

Mutual funds and equity investments can generate better returns with a structured withdrawal plan.

4. Withdrawal Strategy for Sustainability
Your corpus should last for at least 25-30 years after retirement.

Withdrawals should be planned to reduce tax impact.

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular cash flow.

Are You Ready to Retire?
Scenario 1: If You Retire Now (55 Years Old)
Your liquid assets may not sustain a Rs. 2L monthly expense for 30+ years.

Education expenses will add financial pressure.

You will need higher growth investments to support long-term needs.

Scenario 2: If You Work for 3-5 More Years
Your corpus can increase by Rs. 1.5 Cr - Rs. 2 Cr, strengthening financial security.

You can fully fund children's education before retirement.

Your investments will have a longer growth period before withdrawals begin.

You will have a better buffer against inflation and unexpected expenses.

Retirement Plan Recommendations
1. Postpone Retirement for 3-5 Years
This will ensure a more secure retirement.

Your corpus will have more time to grow.

2. Adjust Investment Portfolio for Stability
Increase exposure to balanced and hybrid funds.

Reduce dependency on FDs, as they provide low post-tax returns.

Retain some equity investments for long-term growth.

3. Secure a Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Plan
Plan gradual withdrawals from PF, PPF, and mutual funds.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) to maintain tax efficiency.

Consider phased NPS withdrawals to manage tax liability.

4. Reassess Expenses and Future Goals
Reduce discretionary expenses if required.

Ensure you set aside emergency funds for health and other needs.

Maintain adequate health insurance to prevent medical expenses from impacting retirement savings.

Final Insights
Retiring now may put pressure on your finances due to education costs.

Working for 3-5 more years can improve financial stability.

A structured withdrawal plan will ensure your corpus lasts for 30+ years.

Investment allocation should be adjusted for a mix of growth and stability.

A well-planned retirement ensures financial freedom without compromising lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
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Money
Sir, When is Indian market is expected to reach level of 80k? And presently what should I do with my MF investment? Pls. Advise.
Ans: Your question about the Indian stock market reaching 80,000 and your mutual fund investments is timely. Let’s analyze these aspects in detail.

Indian Stock Market Outlook
Current Market Scenario
The Indian stock market has seen fluctuations in recent months.

Major indices have experienced corrections due to global and domestic economic factors.

Factors such as inflation, interest rate changes, and geopolitical uncertainties have impacted investor sentiment.

Market corrections are a normal part of the growth cycle. These phases often present opportunities for long-term investors.

Foreign Investment Trends
Foreign investors have been pulling funds from Indian equities, shifting towards other emerging markets.

This withdrawal impacts liquidity, leading to short-term market volatility.

However, India remains a strong long-term investment destination due to economic growth and policy reforms.

As global economic conditions stabilize, foreign investments are expected to return to India.

Factors That Can Drive Sensex to 80,000
Corporate Earnings Growth: The stock market moves in sync with earnings growth. If Indian companies show strong earnings, the Sensex will rise.

GDP Growth & Economic Policies: A growing economy and pro-business policies will attract investments.

Domestic Institutional Investors (DII) Activity: Strong DII participation can balance out foreign investor exits.

Interest Rate Movements: Lower interest rates make equities more attractive.

Sectoral Growth: Growth in banking, technology, manufacturing, and consumption sectors will push the market higher.

Projected Timeline for Sensex at 80,000
Some analysts predict the Sensex could reach 80,000 within the next 12–18 months, provided corporate earnings continue to grow.

However, markets do not move in a straight line. There will be corrections and consolidation phases before hitting new highs.

Investors should focus on long-term wealth creation rather than short-term market levels.

What Should You Do With Your Mutual Fund Investments?
1. Maintain a Long-Term Perspective
Market fluctuations are normal. Staying invested for the long term ensures you benefit from compounding.

Short-term volatility should not impact long-term wealth-building strategies.

2. Continue SIPs Consistently
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) help in averaging costs and reducing risk.

Market corrections provide an opportunity to buy more units at lower prices.

Stopping SIPs due to market declines can reduce long-term wealth potential.

3. Diversify Across Categories
Avoid overexposure to any single category of mutual funds.

Ensure a balance between large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Consider sectoral and thematic funds only if they align with your financial goals.

4. Rebalance Your Portfolio Periodically
Review your portfolio every 6–12 months to ensure alignment with financial objectives.

Rebalancing helps maintain the right asset allocation between equity, debt, and other instruments.

Exit underperforming funds and shift to better-performing ones.

5. Taxation Considerations
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

If planning to withdraw, consider tax implications to optimize post-tax returns.

6. Avoid Emotional Decision-Making
Market sentiment changes rapidly. Avoid panic-selling during corrections.

Stick to a disciplined approach based on financial goals rather than reacting to short-term market movements.

If needed, consult a Certified Financial Planner for strategy adjustments.

Final Insights
The Sensex reaching 80,000 is a possibility, but the exact timeline is uncertain.

Focus on long-term wealth creation rather than short-term index movements.

Continue SIPs, diversify your portfolio, and review investments regularly.

Avoid emotional reactions to market volatility.

A structured investment approach will yield better results over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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