Dear Guru, I'm working as an executive assistant to the director with an Indian subsidiary. Due to pandemic there's this work from home happening right from the start of lockdown. At present and till date have to manage my work along with two other colleagues work too. Moreover in addition my boss is leaving too. All this is so critical that it's stressing me mentally and physically. I'm not able to bear that loss of him leaving in such a scenario. Though him being married I somewhere liked him from the bottom of my heart. Initially he tried impressing me through his kind words and behaviour. But in the last one year he suddenly changed bcoz there were certain things happening between him and the management which I was completely unaware of only to learn recently that his job contract wasn't renewed by the management and hence he along with his wife opted for an alternative. He showed his anger by ignoring/avoiding me. Somewhere I feel that even he didn't wish to leave the company. I don't wish to break his marriage but I love him (one sided) still dunno if he does or not. Of late we had tiffs over the phone on work issues and I deleted his number from my contact list saying Goodbye. He fumed and sent me e-mails in the morning about things to handover as he is leaving :) Earlier when I had a tiff over msgs that time he called my colleague and asked him to take the handover. Hope I get some response on the stated issues.
Ans: Dear SK, Why do some of us get caught in a web where we don’t know where we stand in someone else’s life?
I am not going to judge you or lecture you as to your one sided-affection as that is a choice that you have made. But, why give someone so much power to rule your mind that they seem to take the driver’s seat and take decisions for you? Your job, you love…your emotions.
Do remember, that you cannot be an option is someone’s life which is what has happened here.
The hit to your self-esteem has been for you to act in disappointment/anger where you have dropped his number off your list with a curt ‘bye greeting’ which has irked him and his ego.
What were you doing? Throwing the spotlight back onto yourself where you have given him a chance to antagonize you at work?
Can you even complain about it in public? And especially when you knew his loyalties lie with his wife which he made it evidently clear by them taking decisions jointly for their future.
All that has happened, is you being at the receiving end, by laying out your emotions for a little attention from him.
And well, he possibly was enjoying some of it as well. If you were to rewind the clock, go back in time, and ask yourself: What can I do? What must I do where I can keep my emotions healthy and protect my emotional boundaries? Do exactly that now.
Nothing is lost. I can’t promise that he will be back to giving you the attention that you have been used to; all I can say is find some healthy options and grow your social circle.
You may meet someone interesting or you may simply find someone who shares common interests irrespective of gender.
Bottomline; get unstuck from this unhealthy string, cut and maintain that healthy boundary, stick to your work and create a circle of friends and family that care for you. That will be your strength and helo in making better decisions the next time.
Be happy and make the best of life!
