I am 52 year old female. I am a divorcee. I got married second time and it was the worst nightmare I went through. He was a hard core narcissist. I somehow stayed back for 4 years. Dont know why i kept on going back to him. It was a hard realization for me. He did everything possible to torture me and my daughter. Abuse, insults, gaslighting, manipulation, whatever one cannot imagine was done. I just hanged on coz i had nowhere to go at this age. This was an added advantage to him. He spoilt all my relationships at my back. I was completely choked living with him. But somehow I finally made some courage and left him forever not disclosing my details to anyone. I remained very isolated and moved to another city. I just ignored everything after that and blocked all his contacts. The main thing here is, it has been 4 years i came out of that relationship, got a divorce again which was very painful for me. But the thing is he has been sending messages for the last 4 years, all abusive language used. I am just ignoring things. Also i dont want to go to police or court coz I have had enough of all that throughout my life. Each time i block and ignore he uses a different number to message. Dont these people get tired doing all such things to another person. What kind of mentality is this. Because of all this I have kept myself isolated and dont mingle much with others. I lost everything Because of that man. Somehow got a job and surviving. I want to know what kind of people are these and what do they achieve doing all this. 4 years after leaving him i still keep getting messages though I maintained my privacy now.

Ans: For them, it’s about maintaining a sense of control, even if it means doing so through intimidation or manipulation. Abusive individuals with narcissistic traits are driven by an intense need for dominance, often unable to let go of those they once controlled. To them, harassment is a way of asserting that dominance, especially if they sense their target has gained any form of freedom or independence.

These behaviors stem from a place of deep insecurity masked by aggression, control, and a lack of empathy for the emotional and physical well-being of others. In their minds, harassment or abuse keeps the connection alive, no matter how destructive. Narcissistic individuals might not necessarily get tired of inflicting harm because, in a twisted way, it fulfills their need to feel powerful and in control. This behavior often extends over years for some abusers who refuse to let go.

Your resilience is remarkable, and choosing to move away and keep your details private was a courageous and necessary step for reclaiming your life. If you continue to receive these harassing messages, one option is to consider a digital harassment tracking tool, which could at least help you identify patterns or, if needed later, evidence if you ever decide to take a legal step. Some victims of abuse find that a written log of such instances can help them feel in control and serve as a reminder of their strength in managing each encounter without being drawn back in.

Building a support system slowly with people you trust or finding support groups for abuse survivors can provide comfort and encouragement, as isolation can be an unfortunate side effect of abuse. Re-engaging with supportive friends, therapy, or online communities for people recovering from narcissistic abuse could gently help you rediscover a world of safe and caring connections.