Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not commit for anything and requesting me to continue as friend so we can get our younger one to collage and then see or separate. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward

Ans: Hi Divit
You made a good choice with ECE at IIIT Naya (i.e. New) Raipur because:

1) ECE has wider career opportunities in the tech and IT sectors.
2) IIITs specialize in electronics and computing.
3) ECE offers flexibility to transition into IT roles, which are in demand.

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Ans: Hi Divit
You made a good choice with ECE at IIIT Naya (i.e. New) Raipur because:

1) ECE has wider career opportunities in the tech and IT sectors.
2) IIITs specialize in electronics and computing.
3) ECE offers flexibility to transition into IT roles, which are in demand.

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Ans: To reach a corpus of Rs 1 crore in 10 years, you will need to invest in funds that generate around 10-12 per cent annual returns. Your current portfolio is diversified across small-cap, mid-cap, digital, and active funds, which can work well but also carries some volatility, especially in sectoral and small-cap/mid-cap funds.

Portfolio Review:

• Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund: Good for aggressive growth but highly volatile. Keep it if you're comfortable with higher risk.
• PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Another growth-oriented fund with decent potential. It's good to have some exposure to mid-caps.
• Tata Digital Fund: Sectoral funds are risky because they are dependent on the sector's performance. Digital/technology funds can be volatile; consider reducing exposure here.
• Quant Active Fund: A multi-cap approach with flexibility across market caps. This fund provides balance and is good for diversification.

Suggestions:

• Increase Allocation to Large Cap/Index Funds: You may want to balance your portfolio with a large-cap or index fund like UTI Nifty 50 or Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund. Large-cap funds provide stability and reduce overall portfolio volatility.
• Reduce Sector-Specific Exposure: Consider trimming your allocation to Tata Digital Fund, as sectoral funds can face prolonged underperformance during sector downturns. You can reallocate this to a more diversified fund.
• Balanced Fund: Add a balanced or hybrid fund like HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund or ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund for better risk management while maintaining growth potential.
• Debt Component: To hedge against equity risk, consider adding a small portion to a short-term debt fund or gilt fund, which can provide stability during volatile periods.

Suggested Structure After Increase:

• Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund: Rs 6,000
• PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Rs 6,000
• Quant Active Fund: Rs 6,000
• Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund: Rs 6,000
• HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund: Rs 6,000
• ICICI Prudential Multi Asset Fund: Rs 5,000
• UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Rs 5,000

This adjusted allocation will maintain growth potential while providing a cushion against volatility.

Ans: It’s really commendable that you're seeking ways to improve communication with your daughters, especially when it comes to handling mistakes or weaknesses. The goal you're aiming for—creating a supportive environment where they feel safe to share their challenges—is a key part of nurturing a healthy and open relationship.

When addressing their mistakes, it’s important to remember that how they interpret your feedback can shape how they see themselves and their ability to handle difficulties. You want them to feel like they’re not being judged or criticized but instead being guided towards growth. One way to start is by focusing on empathy in your conversations. When they make a mistake, it’s natural to want to correct it quickly, but it can be more productive to begin by acknowledging how they might feel. This lets them know that you understand their experience, and that mistakes are part of life and learning. It shifts the focus from the mistake itself to their emotions, which builds trust.

Another aspect is how you frame the conversation. Instead of honing in on what went wrong, it’s helpful to highlight the effort they put in and the process they went through, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. Letting them know that their effort is noticed and appreciated can boost their confidence. When they feel that their hard work is valued, they’re more likely to discuss their challenges openly, rather than feeling like they failed. If they feel supported during these moments, they will be more inclined to seek your guidance in the future without fearing a negative response.

Listening is another vital tool. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or corrections. Instead, ask them how they feel about what happened or what they think they could do differently next time. This not only gives them ownership of their problem-solving but also empowers them to reflect and learn from their experiences. Sometimes, when children are given the space to voice their thoughts, they can surprise you with their insights. And even if they don’t have an answer right away, they’ll appreciate being part of the conversation rather than being lectured.

It’s also important to be patient with progress. Instead of expecting a big shift in behavior or attitude overnight, focus on the small steps they take. Recognizing these smaller victories can go a long way in motivating them to keep improving, even when they stumble. They need to see that progress is more important than perfection, and your role is to guide them through the ups and downs without focusing too much on the final result.

Finally, your own approach to challenges and mistakes plays a big role in shaping how they will handle their own. When they see you approach difficulties with a positive mindset—whether it's a work challenge or a personal frustration—they’re learning that setbacks don’t define them. Modeling this kind of attitude will encourage them to talk about their own struggles more openly and with less fear of judgment.

In essence, the goal is to build trust and maintain a positive tone, even when discussing difficult topics. With this approach, your daughters will not only feel comfortable coming to you but will also develop a stronger sense of resilience in facing their own challenges. You’ll find that as they feel more supported, their confidence in addressing their weaknesses will naturally grow.

Ans: One of the things that might be happening here is that your daughter is at an age where identity and confidence issues often come to the forefront. At 13, she’s navigating a lot—social pressures, changing emotions, and maybe even a fear of not being able to meet the expectations of her parents, peers, or even herself. The fact that she stopped participating in music competitions after facing stiff competition might indicate she’s dealing with fear of failure or rejection. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but more that she may be afraid of not being good enough, and in response, she avoids trying at all.

Instead of pushing her to excel, the first step might be to understand what’s going on emotionally. Teenagers are notorious for shutting down or rebelling when they feel pressure, even if it’s unintentional. Try creating an environment where she feels safe to open up without fear of judgment or comparison to others. Sit down with her and have an open, calm conversation where you genuinely listen to her side. She might not know how to express her frustrations or fears, but giving her the space to talk could help her feel supported instead of criticized.

I understand your concern about her spending hours on YouTube or watching reels. This can be both a form of escapism and a way for her to feel connected to her peers. Rather than banning or limiting screen time strictly, which could create more conflict, try to understand what she’s watching and why she’s so drawn to it. Maybe this can lead to finding a common ground or encouraging her to pursue interests related to what she enjoys online, without the pressure of competition.

It’s also possible she’s feeling the weight of expectations, even if you don’t consciously put them on her. Sometimes just knowing that her parents were high achievers can make her feel like she’s falling short. Helping her feel that it’s okay not to have everything figured out yet might ease some of the pressure.

You’re also right to be concerned about her influence on your younger son. His more disciplined nature may make him vulnerable to picking up some of her habits. But rather than positioning them as opposites, encourage them both to find balance—showing her that discipline and effort don’t have to come with the weight of pressure might help her change her behavior, too.

The arguments with your wife and the escalation at home are clearly a sign that things are reaching a boiling point, but remember that this doesn’t mean she’s unreachable. This is a tough stage, but with patience, empathy, and a bit of flexibility in your approach, it’s possible to guide her without feeling like you’re losing control of the situation.

Ans: First, regarding your mother, it’s crucial to establish boundaries. Her mental health struggles are serious, but they shouldn’t be allowed to overshadow your own well-being. It might be helpful to seek professional support for her, such as counseling or therapy. If she’s unwilling, then finding ways to distance yourself emotionally from her criticism is key. It's not easy, but learning not to absorb her negativity can help protect your mental health. You might also consider speaking to a counselor yourself to help you process these feelings and find strategies for coping with her behavior without having to completely sever ties.

As for your work situation, it sounds like the toxic environment is wearing you down. If leaving isn’t an immediate option, try to find small ways to shield yourself from the negativity. Can you limit your interactions with your senior or find ways to compartmentalize work stress so it doesn’t bleed into your personal life? Sometimes, focusing on things outside of work—hobbies, time with your wife and son—can provide a needed escape.

It sounds like you're craving solitude and peace, and while leaving both your mother and your job might seem like a solution, it may not be the only one. Start with small, manageable changes: establishing firmer boundaries with your mother, finding a counselor to talk to, and protecting your emotional space at work. These steps can help you regain control and give you the peace you're seeking without drastic decisions. Remember, you deserve that peace, and it’s possible to find it with the right support.

Ans: It’s not uncommon for women to experience shifts in sexual desire, especially around the age of 41 when hormonal changes can start to subtly occur, even if all medical tests are normal. Stress, emotional factors, or even simple changes in routine can also play a big role in desire.

Since her tests came back normal and you both maintain a healthy lifestyle with walking and exercise, it may be helpful to focus on the emotional and psychological aspects rather than just the physical. Sometimes, a lack of desire can stem from mental fatigue, stress, or even a need for a deeper emotional connection.

You could try creating a more relaxed, intimate environment without the pressure of sex. Focus on spending quality time together—maybe a weekend getaway, a relaxing evening, or just simple, non-sexual physical affection, like cuddling or holding hands, which might help reignite that connection.

Also, open communication is key. Approach the topic with understanding and without pressure. Ask her how she’s feeling, if there’s anything on her mind, or if there’s something she would like to explore together. Sometimes, just talking openly can ease the tension and bring you both closer

Ans: Right now, what you can do is reflect on what led to this point. The fact that you're in court indicates that things have escalated beyond normal discussions. Is there something specific that may have pushed her to take this step? If so, sometimes looking at the situation from her perspective can shed light on what might be causing her to retreat like this.

That doesn’t mean taking all the responsibility or guilt on yourself, but understanding her side can be the first step in showing her you’re willing to meet her halfway. If she sees that you’re open to listening, understanding her pain or fears, it could make her feel less defensive.

While you're unable to communicate directly because of the block, sometimes working through mutual friends or a mediator can help convey that you're open to reconciliation, but without pressuring her. She may be feeling emotionally vulnerable, and sometimes even just the pressure to come back can make things feel worse for her. Instead, if she knows you're open and ready to discuss things with patience, she might begin to soften over time.

One of the hardest parts of situations like this is the waiting, but I’d encourage you to focus on your own emotional well-being right now. The court process is stressful, but it’s important that you stay grounded and take care of yourself in the meantime. Once you are in a stronger emotional place, you’ll be better able to approach your wife when the time comes.

Lastly, if there’s a chance to resolve things through court mediation or counseling, this can be a great step forward. The fact that she’s avoiding direct communication means she might be struggling with something deeply personal, so a neutral space where you can both express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment might be beneficial.

It's about patience, understanding, and also showing her through your actions—not just words—that you're committed to making things better, without trying to force her into anything she's not ready for.

Ans: Hello Anonymous,
Nutrition plays a very important role in losing weight the healthy way. Please go to a good nutrition and follow their customized plan. You can also do some yoga asanas in lying down and side lying positions which don't put much pressure on your joints. You can also go to a physio and learn some mat exercises for core and to strengthen your muscles without weight bearing. Swimming is also excellent for you and it won't hurt your joints.
Dr Nidhi Bajaj Gupta (Founder@Merahki Holistic Wellness)
@merahki_holisticwellness