I am 48 year old man divorced 3 years back after 22 years marriage. My ex-wife got custody of children and I pay maintenance. Now I met wonderful lady age 41 who is also divorced. We both want to marry but my children aged 20 and 17 are completely against it. They say if I marry I will lose them forever. Should I choose my happiness or my children?

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situations you and your former girlfriend are in. It's understandable that you are both feeling unhappy and trapped in your current marriages. However, it's important to consider the potential consequences of leaving your marriages and starting a new relationship.

Firstly, it's important to consider the impact that divorce can have on children. Divorce can be a traumatic experience for children, and it's important to consider their well-being as you make decisions about your future.

Additionally, starting a new relationship while still married can have legal and ethical implications. Adultery is illegal in some countries and can have negative consequences in divorce proceedings. It's important to consider the legal and ethical implications of starting a new relationship before taking any action.

It's understandable that you and your former girlfriend want to be together, but it's important to approach this situation with caution and consider all of the potential consequences. You may want to consider seeking counseling or therapy to help you navigate your feelings and make a plan for the future that takes into account the well-being of your children and legal and ethical considerations.

Ans: Give them some time to grieve their mother’s loss and don’t jump into another marriage right away. You are certainly entitled to some happiness as well, and getting remarried if you wish to. But your children and their wellbeing should be your first priority, and also the priority of anyone who will step into the role of a stepmother. If you end up with the wrong person, it will only cause a terrible family situation, so tread carefully and be sensible about it.

Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Will it be possible to take this to a therapist who can guide the two of you to bridge the gap that has been created due to the age of the marriage. Boredom and predictability can kill any relationship and yours falls right there!
Bring back the pep, the spice; difficult but certainly possible. Start with a simple conversation on how distant you feel from her and she might confess to the same.
Now, the new chapter with your co-worker; when you lean on someone else to fill the void from the marriage can be quite stressful and unfulfilling as well. So, I suggest that you give you marriage another chance!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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