I am 38 year old female and my husband 39 yrs old . We got married 13 years before and we were in 10 years love relationship before marriage . Totally 23 years together .we have 2 sons , 1 is 10 yr old and 2 is 1.5 yr old . My husband is not interested or he is not getting any sexual sense at all. It’s been 2 years he didn’t touch me , he says his mind is not thinking about it and not getting any sensation . 2 years before , we had issues about his relationship with a women , he says its friendship and few instances has broken my trust and he hasn’t regained it back or never tried to fix it . He says in words but never saw his efforts to make me trust again . For 2 years am in mental trauma and confusion only whether he is saying truth or not , whether that women is friend or different . Whether he s cheating me or not . Very few activites gives me doubts to think that he s cheating rest all he s normal , goes for work and come home ... We are sleeping is same bed now for past 1.5 years after my second day. Born . Some time he sleeps with me in bed cuddling and kissing .. but nothing is intimate and nothing feels closer emotionally to him ... I dunno wat to do with him . I get w dual desire often and get rejected by him and all th time he blames me or underrate me to talk about sex . Also he scolds me that am having more sexual thoughts . I dunno what to do as if I talk calmly. He takes it to peak , if I demand , he rejects . Watever I try he rejects .. never gave a proper reason .... I dunno how to live like this ??

Ans: First, let me say this clearly: your desire is normal. Wanting intimacy, closeness, and a sexual connection with your husband is not “too much” or “wrong.” Being repeatedly rejected and then blamed for it can slowly damage your self-worth, and that’s what you’re feeling now.
But we need to separate a few things to understand what’s really happening.
Your husband’s lack of sexual interest for 2 years is not something to ignore. It could be due to multiple reasons—stress, hormonal changes, mental health issues, guilt, unresolved emotional conflict, or even disconnection from the relationship itself. But the real concern is not just the lack of sex—it’s that he avoids the conversation, shuts you down, and turns it back on you.
That creates a cycle where:
You feel rejected → you try to connect → he withdraws or blames → you feel worse → trust breaks further.
On top of this, there is unresolved trust damage from his past involvement with another woman. Even if he calls it “friendship,” the fact that it broke your trust and was never repaired properly means that wound is still open. Without rebuilding trust, emotional closeness cannot return—and without emotional closeness, physical intimacy often disappears.
Right now, you are living in three layers of pain:
You feel unwanted physically
You feel unsure emotionally
You feel unheard when you try to talk
That’s why it feels like you’re stuck.
Now, what can you realistically do?
You cannot force desire.
You cannot beg for intimacy.
And you cannot rebuild trust alone.
But you can change how you approach this.
Instead of focusing only on sex, shift the conversation to the relationship itself. At a calm moment, not during rejection, speak very directly but without blame:
“I am not just missing physical intimacy. I am feeling emotionally disconnected, rejected, and confused. I don’t want to fight, I want to understand what is happening between us.”
Watch his response carefully. Not just words, but willingness.
If he continues to deny, blame, or avoid, then this is no longer just a “sexual issue.” It becomes a relationship issue that requires intervention.
At this stage, a mature step would be to suggest couples counseling or medical evaluation. Frame it as “us” not “you.”
Because if he truly has no desire at all, he should be open to understanding why.
And if he refuses even that, then you have to face a difficult truth:
You are trying to sustain a relationship where your needs are consistently dismissed.
Also, gently reflect on something important:
Do you feel emotionally safe with him anymore, or are you constantly second-guessing and shrinking yourself?
Because intimacy doesn’t return in an environment of doubt, fear, and blame.
You have given 23 years to this relationship.
You deserve clarity, respect, and emotional connection—not confusion and rejection.
You don’t need to decide everything today.
But you do need to stop normalising this pain.