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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Avinash Question by Avinash on Oct 06, 2024
Relationship

Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?

Ans: Dear Avinash,
I am sure by now you realize that having parallel lives is not easy. Maybe you are at that stage where a decision must be made...
You owe at least that much to your respective spouses who have nothing to do this life of yours...

The lady in question wants the cake and wants to eat it too...obviously she needs to see that if she wants her marriage, then you are going to keep your marriage as well and with that all the insecurities that arise must also be accepted as this is something that the two of you got into willingly...did she not know that a relationship outside of marriage comes with its set of challenges like insecurities, doubts, fears, instability and more? I guess it's not about you making her sane and trust you BUT for the two fo you to come to some sort of a decision on where all this is leading?

Again, I say this...leading two lives in parallel ain't easy; especially on an emotional level!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |694 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 47 year old. I have 2 kids one is in adolescent in age and other is 8 y.o. I and my wife are very much comfort and enjoy sex life since inception of our marriage. But, from last 7 years, i am in relation with a beautiful girl, whom i met as a sex worker, when she was 24. Her only source of income is her work (i.e., sex work). She is astonishingly beautiful. I went mad after since the day i met her. thought i could not do sex at first time, i did it in the next time and till now we mated just 7 times. She is epilepsy patient and she is very serious about her family. She has to look after her mother, a younger sister who is studying Law and two of her sister's kids ( her sister died ). She asks me for help whenever she falls short of money. She went to dubai in 2018, and continued her work there. I asked her to leave her job and assured a good income source and a respectful life. She hesitated to concur on my plan. The whole issue is known to my wife. She married an Indian residing in Dubai recently but for her bad luck, he is untraceable from 2 monhts in a war proned country. Now, she asked my help again after 8 months. we both were not in touch in these days. I lent her my helping hand again and expressed if she would have married me, i would have kept her happy. She loves me a lot, but since i am a married man, she does not want to create problem in my married life. I can convince my wife about her, but she (girlfriend) is not ready for it for the fear of my wife. I just can't imagine my life without her. that much i love her. I don't wish to destroy her married life either. If she gets her husband back, i will be happy, but i will be living in her memory forever, as i just cannot expect my life without her. I need your suggestion. whether to come out of her relation or continue if her hubby misses forever.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do realize the mess that you are creating for yourself, your wife and this lady?
Do you really think it is possible to live in harmony with all these complications and then there's an absconding husband at the other end?
Be sane about the whole thing and focus on what's important to you...Your children need a stable family environment and you do not need to be told how crucial this is for them given their age...And just because your wife isn't complaining that does not mean, you just overlook what all this must be doing to her. Put your life back together and leave some things alone to sort themselves out...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

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Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am 42 year old guy living abroad. I have been married once 8 years ago and recently I met someone via marriage portal in March, she is 38 - divorced as well. We met and both felt very compatible earlier. Our compatibility was very fine. However, recently, I have observed that she doesnt understand the things I am trying to tell. She misinterprets the thing completely, takes everything out of context and blames me for starting the fight. It is clear case of guilt tripping which has happened 5 times now. she loves me but when such things happen, I get disrespected pretty much. I tried to ignore the thing initially but since it started happening too much, I started to reply back bluntly as nothing seemed to work. Now, I discussed this with my parents and they have said categorically that this wont work at all considering the fact that I have already suffered similar situation in my previous marriage. I tend to work out the things , but the women I meet tend to take undue advantage of my good nature and keep disrespecting me. Looking into the future, I feel it will not work out, as the responsibilities will be much more. I dont know how to go about this situation. Will speaking one on one work on her? She does not listen to what I say when she is angry. Even if she listens, can it really work out between us? Please guide me ..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Have you healed well from your previous experience? Also, this lady you mention of is bound have some baggage from her divorce, right?
So, there's going to be a lot of work between the two of you before you actually seek a commitment. There's expectations and there's fears that will come in the way of an open conversation. This could also mean small arguments that can blow out of proportion. At the end of the day, both of you are simply trying to protect yourselves from any further hurt. This is simply a coping mechanism from any damage to the emotional space that has already been wounded.
So, instead of finding faults in one another, if you actually start accommodating each others' fears and managing each others' expectations, you will both come from a space of understanding which can pave way for a new relationship to blossom.
It's a lot of work but it's not impossible provided you are willing to put in that work for that relationship.
As for her not being able to relate to talks, I guess somewhere in your conversation, mention that you would love to be heard.
It's simply changing the way you relate and communicate in a relationship. It works, you know!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
Ans: Dear Avinash,You need to reflect deeply on what you want for yourself, your children, and your relationships in the long term. If staying married to your wife and continuing to co-parent is your priority, it’s essential to acknowledge the constraints that this imposes on your extramarital relationship. The happiness you find with this woman is tempered by the circumstances, and it might not be possible to meet her emotional needs fully in this setup.

A conversation with her that focuses on honesty, boundaries, and expectations is crucial. Acknowledge her pain and insecurities, but also express your limitations and realities. Make it clear what you can and cannot provide in this relationship, and listen to her needs and frustrations without defensiveness. You might need to make a decision about whether this relationship can continue in its current form, given how it’s affecting her mental health and your own peace of mind.

It’s also worth exploring the deeper reasons why you’re drawn to this relationship. Sometimes, connections outside marriage arise as a way of addressing unmet needs or emotional voids in the primary relationship. It might be beneficial to consider counseling for yourself or even with your wife, to explore whether there are aspects of your marriage that can be revitalized or strengthened. Similarly, suggesting therapy for your lover could help her work through her emotions and find balance.

Ultimately, you have to evaluate whether this relationship is sustainable and healthy, not just for the two of you but for everyone in your lives. Love and passion are powerful, but they require a foundation of trust, emotional stability, and shared goals to thrive. If those elements remain elusive, it may be a sign to re-evaluate the relationship’s place in your life.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11022 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2026Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, Good Morning. Is it advisable to buy gold jewellery for my Son's marriage in the next 8 years at current market price of approx Rs.14000 per gram. The plan is to buy around 100 grams to be given to the prospective bride at the time of marriage, which is as per our practice. If I deposit money to a gold jeweller, who will credit equivalent gold weight as per today's value and after 11 months we can buy jewellery without wastage, making charges and gst. Kindly advice. Thanks
Ans: Your planning for your son’s marriage well in advance is thoughtful and practical. It shows responsibility and care for family traditions. Planning 8 years ahead gives you good flexibility and control.

» Purpose clarity and time horizon
– The objective is very clear: buying around 100 grams of gold jewellery for marriage after 8 years
– This is not a short-term need, so timing and structure matter more than current gold price
– Gold here is a requirement asset, not just an investment, so risk control is important

» Buying gold at current price – assessment
– Buying all 100 grams today at around Rs.14000 per gram locks your price, but also locks your capital
– Gold prices move in cycles; they do not rise in a straight line
– Over 8 years, gold can give protection against inflation, but short- to medium-term corrections are common
– Putting a large amount at one price level reduces flexibility and increases timing risk

» Jeweller gold deposit / gold savings plan – evaluation
– Monthly deposit plans with jewellers are mainly designed for jewellery purchase, not pure wealth creation
– Benefits you rightly noticed:

No wastage charges

No making charges

No GST on jewellery value
– Key risks and limitations to be aware of:

You are fully dependent on the jeweller’s business stability for 11 months

Your money is not regulated like financial products

You cannot easily exit or switch if your plan changes
– These plans work well for near-term purchases, but for an 8-year goal, repeating such plans many times increases counterparty risk

» Price risk vs goal certainty
– Your real risk is not price volatility alone, but availability of gold at the time of marriage
– The goal needs certainty of value and timely availability
– A staggered and disciplined approach reduces regret from buying at market highs

» Smarter way to structure the 8-year plan
– Avoid buying the full 100 grams immediately
– Spread accumulation over time to reduce price risk
– Use a mix of:

Financial gold-linked options for long-term accumulation

Physical jewellery purchase only closer to the marriage date
– This keeps liquidity, improves transparency, and avoids storage and purity worries

» Jewellery purchase timing insight
– Jewellery designs, preferences of the bride, and family choices can change over 8 years
– Buying finished jewellery too early limits flexibility
– It is usually better to convert accumulated value into jewellery in the last 12–18 months

» Risk management and safety points
– Avoid keeping large sums with a single jeweller repeatedly over many years
– Avoid emotional decisions driven by headlines about gold prices
– Keep documentation, purity standards, and exit options clear

» Tax and cost perspective
– When gold is used as jewellery for marriage, taxation is not the primary concern
– Hidden costs like storage, insurance, and loss risk matter more than headline price

» Finally
– Your intention is correct, and starting early gives you strength
– Buying some gold gradually is sensible, but avoid locking the entire requirement at one price today
– Jeweller deposit schemes can be used selectively, closer to purchase time, not as a long-term parking option
– A phased, balanced approach gives cost control, safety, and peace of mind for a very important family milestone

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11022 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 06, 2026

Money
My father has just got retired. He has an outstanding home loan of Rs. 18 lakh which has 51000/- as emi. His pension is also 51000/-. His monthly expense are 20,000/-. He received gratuity of Rs. 18 lakh. What he should do either set off his home loan so that his pension is saved from emi burden or anything else ? He is also interested in investing money.. but At this time of his age , he looks for low to moderate risk plans. Guide him/me to step up his financial status.
Ans: Your father has entered a very important phase of life with stable pension income, controlled expenses, and a meaningful lump sum in hand. This gives a good base to make calm and sensible decisions. With the right steps, financial comfort and peace of mind are very much achievable.
» Understanding the Current Cash Flow Situation
– Monthly pension and home loan EMI are equal, which means the entire pension is getting blocked
– Monthly household expenses are modest and manageable
– The home loan is the only major liability
– Gratuity amount is sufficient to fully address the loan if required
This situation calls for prioritising certainty, emotional comfort, and steady income rather than chasing high returns.
» Priority of Debt Clearance at Retirement
– At retirement, protecting regular income becomes more important than growing wealth aggressively
– When EMI equals pension, it creates mental pressure and reduces flexibility
– Clearing the home loan removes interest burden and frees the pension fully for living expenses
– Being debt-free at retirement brings emotional relief, which is a big but often ignored benefit
From a Certified Financial Planner’s perspective, clearing the home loan using gratuity is a strong and sensible step in this case.
» Impact of Closing the Home Loan
– Pension of Rs. 51,000 becomes fully available
– After expenses of around Rs. 20,000, there is monthly surplus
– No dependency on investment returns to meet daily needs
– Lower stress during market ups and downs
This creates a solid foundation before thinking about investments.
» Investing After Loan Closure
– Do not invest the entire gratuity at once
– Keep sufficient amount in safe and liquid avenues for emergencies
– Investment should focus on capital protection first, income second, and growth last
– Avoid locking money for long periods
At this age, investments should support life, not control it.
» Suitable Risk Approach at This Stage
– Low to moderate risk is appropriate and practical
– Portfolio should be spread across stable income options and carefully chosen growth-oriented mutual funds
– Avoid aggressive strategies or return promises
– Regular review is more important than high returns
Actively managed mutual funds are better suited here as they adjust to market conditions and manage downside risks, which is important post-retirement.
» Creating Monthly Income and Stability
– Use part of surplus pension for simple, planned investments
– Keep some amount invested for inflation protection
– Maintain enough liquidity to avoid forced withdrawals
– Do not depend fully on markets for monthly expenses
This balanced approach gives income comfort and gradual wealth support.
» Emergency and Health Planning
– Keep at least one year of expenses in easily accessible form
– Ensure health insurance is active and adequate
– Avoid using investments for unexpected medical needs
This protects long-term investments from early disruption.
» Role of Discipline and Guidance
– Avoid reacting to short-term market movements
– Stick to simple, understandable products
– Investing through a regular plan with guidance ensures monitoring, behavioural support, and timely corrections
At this stage, guidance matters more than saving small costs.
» Final Insights
– Closing the home loan is the first and most sensible move
– Debt-free retirement improves quality of life and decision-making
– Investments should follow stability-first thinking
– A calm, structured approach will protect capital and provide confidence
Your concern for your father’s future is thoughtful and responsible. With these steps, he can enjoy retirement with dignity, peace, and financial comfort.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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