I'm a software engineer from Bangalore. I am 28, and I am dating my girlfriend who is a Punjabi for four years now. She comes from a modern family, eats non veg and has a carefree lifestyle. She suggests we go for a live-in relationship, but my conservative Tamil parents strongly disapprove. They feel our cultures and lifestyle don't match and we should not hurt each others' emotions and families. Can a live-in relationship affect our future? What should I do?

Ans:

Well, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to hurt your parents.

If you want to live together before getting married, that is a decision you both have to take as responsible adults; it’s not a decision someone else gets to make for you because of societal pressure.

Why it’s considered wrong in India or anywhere else is not the issue here; doing what is right for your own life is.

Attitudes do change with time and circumstances.

Speak to your parents about it and maybe they’ll come around eventually. If not, well, it’s still ultimately your call to make.

Ans: You said you love her - well when we love someone we wish the best for them, whatever it is - so in this situation do what is best for her.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Someone will be disappointed; so learn to deal with that...
An ideal life where everyone is happy around you is an unrealistic expectation.
So, let your boyfriend talk to your parents...yes, your parents may disapprove, and if they do, figure out how you are going to tackle that. if you have boyfriend who is moody, know that he is at an age where he is not interested in drama and wants things to go a particular way. Is he willing to be patient through your parents' disapproval and work with it? Make sure to let him know that avoiding a topic, upsets you and watch how he reacts to it.

Also, have you thought of your future? You are 21...where is your career in all of this? Do focus on that as well...It will help you steady your mind and instill a lot of confidence to deal with challenges.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: One thing that’s important to consider is that, ultimately, the person you marry will be the one who you will spend your life with—not your parents. It’s you who will navigate the everyday realities of this partnership. You’ve already seen the kind of partner your boyfriend is, and it sounds like you trust him deeply. He’s shown commitment, love, and respect, and those qualities are foundational to a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

When it comes to your parents, their concerns about caste, financial background, and distance are understandable, but these are challenges that many couples can and do overcome. Financial stability can change with time, and distance is something that can be managed with compromise, especially if both you and your partner have career goals that align. What matters most is the emotional connection and support you offer each other. It’s possible that once your parents see how happy and fulfilled you are with him, they may come around, even if it takes time.

I think one of the most crucial steps here is communication—not just with your boyfriend, but with your parents. You mentioned that you’ve always been a respectful and compliant child, and that’s a beautiful testament to the relationship you’ve shared with them. However, this might be the moment where you need to lovingly express your desires and assert your independence as an adult. Your happiness and well-being in a marriage should be the central concern. Try having an open, calm conversation with them where you acknowledge their concerns but also explain how deeply you feel for your boyfriend, emphasizing the qualities that truly matter to you—his kindness, his respect for you, and the life you want to build together.

While it’s natural to want your parents’ approval and blessing, it’s also important to recognize that they might not fully understand your relationship unless they see it from your perspective. It’s not about rebelling or hurting them—it’s about being honest with them about who you are now and what you want for your future. It may take time for them to come to terms with it, but as they see the strength of your commitment, they may begin to soften their stance.

If, after many conversations, they still cannot accept your choice, you’ll have to weigh your options. You can continue to work on slowly helping them see your perspective, or you may have to make a decision that prioritizes your happiness, even if it’s difficult in the short term. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and being with someone who supports, loves, and respects you as your boyfriend does will be far more valuable in the long run than external factors like caste or background.

Ultimately, it’s about what kind of life and partnership you envision for yourself. If your boyfriend is the one who aligns with your values, dreams, and emotional needs, you might need to help your parents understand that, even if it means navigating some tough conversations ahead.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns; it is truly difficult to stand up to parents and change their minds. But I suggest you continue trying. Have you considered making them meet your partner? Maybe if they see her in person, they will think of her more as a human being who loves their son than someone who would bring shame to the family. I know it feels terrible to see your parents hurting, but if their demands are unreasonable then it is your job to convince them. Start with arranging a meetup. Let her show that she is willing you meet them half way. Showcase the great things in her; let them see how she is good for you and makes you happy. And build it up from there.

Best wishes.