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I'm 25, Neglected by Parents, Brother Favored: How Can I Stop Feeling Unloved?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi
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I'm 25 YO, I've completed my medical degree in BAMS recently and brother is 17YO still in school. I've seen very severe favouritism of my parents towards my brother. I know he's a boy and all and in India, being a boy makes all of your wrong doings right! It's very emotionally distressing for me that even I'm the older child, my parents asks and discuss things with my younger brother but not me :( since the time he was born, I've always been neglected, I used to be a star kid, the getting 10/10 marks in everything. But eventually my self esteem degraded, and I stopped working hard, they have always pointed me out for my looks and my behavior, which was very hurtful. I've been away from my family for 5 years and it literally changed me, I was not depressed anymore, although my self esteem also affected my academic performance and my relationship choices, but somewhat I was happy. But now I'm home, and again, my parents points out my mistakes, my academic that I didn't get MBBS, that I don't even look good, and I'm crazy, I don't even have brains. And my brother who didn't even score 50% is asked and being discussed over everything what to eat, where to go, what car to buy, what TV to buy etc. I feel so sad and stuck here. I feel like for my father and mother, I'm invisible. Everyday I feel like when this life will end. It's even harming my studies. All I do is day dream about being loved by someone. I just want to focus on me and my studies. But I'm not able to do it.What can I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If there's evident distinction in the way that your parents treat you and your brother, then it's pretty unfortunate.
One way is to actually talk to them about it and tell them how you feel, but I am unsure if this is going to work. The other way is to reassure yourself with your own self-love and be happy that you are academically strong. Use your degree wisely and to make a mark on your own by serving the society in your own way.
Someday, your parents may realize this and pay attention to you. But if you feel that things are going well for you emotionally, I suggest that you work with a professional who can guide you and your energies back into yourself without relying on anyone. This will help you tide over the hurt and the pain and move into a space of confidence.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2023Hindi
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My age is 42 years now. I am an elder son in my family, then my sister and two younger brothers. My father was a clerk in state govt. office. Being an elder son I did all my duties at par with my father. I spent my entire 9 years’ salary on my family, it includes sister marriage, brothers education (Engineering/Polytechnic), their coaching for competitive exams, books other monthly expenses. Under my guidance they both got job. I also performed co-applicant to Education loan to one of my brother. But now my father, mother and brothers betrayed (Beyimaan). Because my younger brother’s wife was selected in state govt. job and my wife is not employed. They kicked off us from their house. All it happens like TV serial. Now my wife also get job in central government under my guidance. My family member also did same with my younger brother and kicked - off them also. Now they ask me to live with them. I am very much in stress. I want to totally detach with my family. I want to close my all relationships with them. I also don’t want my father’s property. But every now and then they call me. They never help me. We live in same city. Please help me out. I don’t want to be part of B. P. and Sugar patient. I want to be a Vinod Khanna dialogue Parva Nahi from film Dayavan.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time for you to do things for yourself! It may seem selfish at the beginning but taking care of yourself and your needs is self-care above everything else...
For once put your needs before everyone else's and resist any sort of manipulation from family. Serving themselves was their agenda at your expense; why still allow it?
Firmly refuse moving in with them as it won't take them long before they kick you out when things are not in their favour. You have the ability to be by yourself and support yourself...maintaining a healthy distance in fact helps relationships grow stronger. So, time for you to be kind to yourself...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.
Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

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I have utilised my sale proceedings and hence the entire capital gains by registering a new flat, but the entire payment is not released to the builder. It will be released in a phased manner as per progress of the building. Do I still need to open a CGAS account and put the unutilized capital gains money there?
Ans: Since you have already registered the new flat and fully committed the capital gains towards its purchase, you do not need to open a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS) account. However, there are some key points to consider:

1. Conditions for Capital Gains Exemption (Section 54 or 54F)
You must invest the capital gains in a new residential property within 2 years (for resale property) or within 3 years (for under-construction property).
Since you have registered the property, your investment is considered "committed" even if payments are made in phases.
The Income Tax Department typically considers the date of agreement/registration as the date of investment, not the date of actual payment.
2. When is a CGAS Account Needed?
A CGAS account is required only if the capital gains money is not used before the Income Tax Return (ITR) filing deadline (July 31st) of the respective financial year.
Since your funds are already allocated towards the flat purchase, you are not required to park them in CGAS, even if disbursement is pending.
3. Ensure Proper Documentation
Keep records of the flat registration, builder agreement, and payment schedule.
Retain proofs of capital gains utilization from the sale proceeds.
If assessed, you can justify that the gains were committed for the property purchase.
Final Insights
Since you have already registered the new flat and the payment schedule is fixed, you do not need a CGAS account. However, ensure that all payments are completed within 3 years to comply with exemption rules. Keep all documents handy in case of future tax scrutiny.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2025Hindi
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Is it wise to switch between debt and equity composition within a mixed fund/ULIP depending on the market, for a long term investor? Considering that NAVs will be lower in equity components during market lows and more units could be purchased for the same SIP amount? When the market moves up switch back to get a larger NAV r equity components.
Ans: Switching between debt and equity within a mixed fund or ULIP based on market movements may seem like a smart strategy. The idea is to buy more equity units when the market is down and shift to debt when the market is high. However, in practice, this approach has several risks and limitations.

Here’s a detailed analysis:

1. Challenges of Market Timing
Difficult to Predict Market Lows and Highs

Markets do not move in a straight line.
A dip may continue further, and a peak may not be the highest point.
Many investors switch at the wrong time, missing out on gains.
Emotional Biases Impact Decisions

Fear and greed affect switching decisions.
Many investors switch to debt in panic during a crash and miss the recovery.
Staying invested in equity gives better long-term returns.
ULIPs Have Lock-ins and Charges

ULIP switching may have limits and charges.
Not all ULIPs offer unlimited free switches.
Frequent switching can increase costs and reduce returns.
2. Impact on Long-Term Growth
Compounding Works Best with Consistency

Switching in and out disrupts long-term growth.
Staying in equity for 10+ years gives better returns.
Debt Returns Are Lower

Equity outperforms debt over the long term.
Shifting to debt may reduce overall returns.
Systematic Investments Work Better

SIPs average out market ups and downs.
No need to manually switch between equity and debt.
3. Better Alternatives to Switching
Asset Allocation Based on Goals

If retirement is 20+ years away, equity should be dominant.
If retirement is near, gradually move to debt.
Hybrid Funds Handle Allocation Automatically

Some hybrid funds adjust between debt and equity based on market conditions.
This reduces the need for manual switching.
Investing More During Market Lows

Instead of switching, increase SIPs when the market falls.
This allows more unit accumulation without timing risk.
Final Insights
Switching between debt and equity in a mixed fund or ULIP based on market timing is risky. Long-term investors benefit more from staying invested in equity. Instead of switching, follow a structured asset allocation strategy. Use SIPs to take advantage of market lows rather than manually shifting between asset classes.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Money
I am 33 years old and married, currently earning an in-hand salary of ₹1.6 crore per annum. My financial portfolio consists of: Stock investments: ₹2.2 crore Mutual funds: ₹70 lakh ULIP portfolio: ₹60 lakh (annual premium ₹22 lakh) Gold holdings: ₹50 lakh Loans: ₹23 lakh car loan (EMI ₹38,000) and ₹40 lakh home loan (EMI ₹38,000) I want to ensure that I am on the right path toward financial growth and early retirement. My goal is to achieve financial freedom while maintaining a comfortable lifestyle. Could you provide guidance on: How to optimize my portfolio for higher returns and passive income?
Ans: Your financial position is strong. Your salary is high, and you have a diversified portfolio. However, there is scope for better returns and passive income. A structured plan will help you reach financial freedom faster.

Here’s a detailed breakdown:

1. Review of Your Current Investments
Stock Investments: Rs 2.2 crore
You have a large stock portfolio.

Stocks give high returns but carry risk.

Review the portfolio for weak stocks.

Ensure a mix of large, mid, and small-cap stocks.

Check if some stocks need profit booking.

Reinvest gains into high-potential stocks or mutual funds.

Keep 15-20% of the portfolio in dividend-paying stocks for passive income.

Mutual Funds: Rs 70 lakh
Mutual funds provide stability with growth.

Avoid over-diversification with too many schemes.

Actively managed funds can outperform passive funds.

Check fund performance over 5+ years.

Increase SIPs for long-term wealth creation.

Ensure a balance of equity, hybrid, and debt funds.

Debt funds help with stability but are taxed at your income tax slab.

ULIP Portfolio: Rs 60 lakh (Annual Premium Rs 22 lakh)
ULIPs combine insurance with investment.

Charges are high, reducing overall returns.

Returns from ULIPs are lower than mutual funds.

Consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Use a pure term plan for life insurance instead.

Gold Holdings: Rs 50 lakh
Gold is a hedge against inflation.

It does not generate passive income.

Physical gold has storage and security issues.

Consider gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds.

Sovereign gold bonds provide interest income.

Loans: Rs 63 lakh (Car Loan Rs 23 lakh, Home Loan Rs 40 lakh)
Your EMIs are Rs 76,000 per month.
Interest on a home loan is tax-deductible.
Car loan interest is an expense, not an investment.
Consider repaying the car loan early.
Continue home loan if the rate is low.
2. Steps to Optimize Your Portfolio
Increase Passive Income
Invest in dividend-paying stocks.

Add high-dividend mutual funds.

Consider corporate bonds for steady returns.

Invest in REITs for rental income without buying property.

Use sovereign gold bonds for extra interest.

Enhance Mutual Fund Investments
Increase SIPs in actively managed funds.

Ensure sectoral and market cap diversification.

Hybrid funds offer stability and good returns.

Debt funds help balance the portfolio.

Review fund performance every year.

Improve Liquidity
Maintain an emergency fund of Rs 25-30 lakh.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.

Avoid locking funds in long-term ULIPs or endowment plans.

Reduce Unnecessary Costs
ULIP charges are high; shift to mutual funds.

Car loan has no tax benefit; consider prepayment.

Ensure you are not overpaying for insurance.

Avoid investing in low-return insurance products.

Maximize Tax Efficiency
LTCG on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Invest in tax-efficient instruments like ELSS funds.
Use HUF and spouse’s name for tax-saving investments.
3. Financial Freedom Plan
Target Passive Income for Early Retirement
Aim for passive income of Rs 1 crore per year.

Invest in high-yield assets like dividend stocks and debt funds.

REITs and bonds provide stable income streams.

SIPs in equity mutual funds create wealth for future income.

Portfolio Allocation for Financial Growth
Equity: 60-65% (Stocks + Equity Mutual Funds)

Debt: 20-25% (Debt Mutual Funds + Bonds)

Gold: 10-15% (SGBs + Gold ETFs)

Emergency Fund: 5% (Liquid Fund + Savings)

Review and Adjust Yearly
Review stocks and mutual funds yearly.
Exit underperforming investments.
Rebalance portfolio as per risk appetite.
Adjust allocation based on market conditions.
Final Insights
Your financial position is strong. Your income allows you to invest aggressively. Focus on increasing passive income for early retirement.

Shift from ULIPs to mutual funds for better returns.
Increase investments in actively managed equity funds.
Reduce high-interest loans and unnecessary costs.
Diversify across asset classes while maintaining liquidity.
Aim for tax-efficient investments to maximize post-tax returns.
If you follow this structured approach, financial freedom is achievable. A well-balanced portfolio with growth and income assets will ensure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

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I have taken a floating home from Axis Bank for 30 lakh last year, with a interest rate of 8.5%, i have also prepaid 5 Lakh within five months, now i have an outstanding amount of arround of 24 lakh, as the RBI reduced the repo rate, Bank is refusing to reduce interest rate from 8.5% to 8.25%. please suggest what should i do now?
Ans: You took a floating-rate home loan from Axis Bank at 8.5% interest.
You prepaid Rs 5 lakh within five months, reducing your outstanding amount to Rs 24 lakh.
RBI reduced the repo rate, but Axis Bank refuses to lower your rate to 8.25%.
Why Your Interest Rate Is Not Reducing
Banks do not always pass repo rate cuts immediately to all borrowers.
Some loans are linked to MCLR (Marginal Cost of Funds Based Lending Rate), which adjusts slowly.
New loans might be under RLLR (Repo Linked Lending Rate), which reacts faster to RBI rate cuts.
Your loan agreement decides how and when rate cuts apply.
What You Can Do
1. Ask for a Rate Reduction
Request Axis Bank to switch your loan to an RLLR-based loan.
Banks charge a conversion fee, but it might save you lakhs in interest over time.
2. Compare with Other Banks
Check other banks' home loan rates for balance transfer options.
If a bank offers a lower rate, consider switching the loan.
Ensure the processing fee & charges don’t negate the benefit.
3. Negotiate with Axis Bank
If you have a good repayment record, negotiate for a lower spread or margin.
Mention that other banks offer better rates, increasing your bargaining power.
4. Make Partial Prepayments
If you have extra savings, consider small prepayments to reduce interest burden.
Prepaying reduces the principal, which lowers total interest paid.
5. Use a Home Loan Overdraft Account
Check if Axis Bank offers a home loan overdraft facility.
You can park surplus money and withdraw when needed, reducing interest payments.
Best Action Plan
Contact Axis Bank and request a switch to an RLLR-based loan.
Compare other banks for balance transfer options.
Negotiate for a lower spread if staying with Axis Bank.
Consider prepayments to reduce long-term interest costs.
By taking the right step now, you can save a significant amount on interest payments.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8013 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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I have sold a plot worth for 1.85 cr... I have bought a plot worth 1.4 cr... can i keep the remaining in my saving account for house construction or do i put the balance amount in a cgas account
Ans: Since you sold a plot for Rs 1.85 crore and purchased another plot for Rs 1.4 crore, you have a balance of Rs 45 lakh.

Capital Gains Tax Implication
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): If the plot you sold was held for more than 2 years, the profit is considered long-term capital gains (LTCG) and is subject to tax.
Tax Rate: LTCG on real estate is taxed at 20% with indexation benefit.
Reinvestment for Tax Saving: You can save tax by reinvesting the gains in a residential property under Section 54F of the Income Tax Act.
Can You Keep Rs 45 Lakh in a Savings Account?
No, if you intend to claim tax exemption under Section 54F, you cannot keep the balance amount in a savings account beyond the due date for filing your Income Tax Return (ITR).
If you don't invest in a residential house before filing your ITR, you must deposit the unutilized amount in a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS).
You must use the CGAS amount within 3 years for house construction.
What Should You Do?
If You Are Constructing a House
Deposit Rs 45 lakh in a CGAS account before the due date of filing your ITR.
Use this amount within 3 years for house construction to claim full tax exemption under Section 54F.
If You Are Not Constructing a House
The Rs 45 lakh will be taxed as LTCG, and you must pay 20% tax (after indexation benefits).
Consider other tax-saving options, like investing in bonds under Section 54EC (with a 5-year lock-in).
Final Insights
If you plan to construct a house, deposit the Rs 45 lakh in a CGAS account before filing ITR.
If you don’t use this amount within 3 years, it will be taxed as LTCG in the year of expiry.
If you don’t want to construct a house, be ready to pay LTCG tax or invest in 54EC bonds for tax saving.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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