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Financially Secure at 45: Can I Retire and Pursue My Startup Dream?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi I’m 45. Working professional . Wife is 44 - working professional ( active income of 5 lac pm) Having one son 13 years . Investment details : 4.5 cr on Mf 2.50 cr in direct equity 2.25 cr in ppt/ pf / nps 1 flat on rent fetching 35k pm 2 cr of personal accident , 7 lac of mediclaim (floater ) No other liabilities except car loan of 3 lac Pl guide can I think of retirement & Perdue my passion ( startup ) at this time. What need to be taken care ..

Ans: Your financial situation looks strong, which is commendable. You and your spouse have built substantial wealth through a combination of active income and investments. Your current investment portfolio reflects a diversified approach. Let’s evaluate your current status step-by-step:

Monthly income: Rs 5 lakh from active income + Rs 35,000 rent = Rs 5.35 lakh.

Investment portfolio includes:

Rs 4.5 crore in Mutual Funds (MF)
Rs 2.5 crore in direct equities
Rs 2.25 crore in provident funds (PPF, NPS, etc.)
1 flat fetching rental income
Insurance coverages:

Personal accident insurance worth Rs 2 crore
Mediclaim policy of Rs 7 lakh (floater)
Liabilities: Only a car loan of Rs 3 lakh

Family responsibilities: One son, age 13 years

Considering your current status, you are in a strong financial position. Let's explore the feasibility of early retirement and pursuing your startup dream.

Can You Retire Now?
Yes, considering your current investments, you are on a solid path to retiring early if you plan carefully. However, some areas need evaluation:

Cash Flow Assessment: Once you retire, active income will stop. Ensure your passive income sources and investments can sustain your lifestyle.

Inflation Protection: The rising cost of living is a challenge. You need to ensure your portfolio grows to match inflation. This is crucial for a long-term retirement plan.

Child's Future Education: Your son, aged 13, will likely need funds for higher education in the next 5-6 years. Have a clear plan to cover these upcoming expenses without disturbing your retirement corpus.

Healthcare Costs: While you have Rs 7 lakh in floater mediclaim, it may not be enough in the future. Medical costs are rising rapidly. Consider increasing your health insurance coverage, especially if you retire early and lose employer-provided benefits.

Debt Management: Clearing your car loan of Rs 3 lakh would be a prudent step before considering retirement. It’s best to enter retirement with zero liabilities.

Diversification and Asset Allocation Review
Your current investments are diversified. However, it’s essential to rebalance your portfolio based on your new goals:

Mutual Funds (MF): You hold a significant portion (Rs 4.5 crore) here. Ensure you are using actively managed funds. These funds can outperform index funds, especially in the Indian market where active fund managers have an edge.

Actively managed funds, when invested through a Certified Financial Planner, can help you choose funds that align with your risk profile and retirement goals.

Avoid Direct Funds: Though direct funds have lower expense ratios, they require constant monitoring. Investing through regular funds via a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get professional advice, which can optimize your returns and manage risks better.

Direct Equities (Rs 2.5 crore): Holding a large portion in direct stocks can be risky if not reviewed regularly. A startup journey means less time for stock management. Consider shifting some equity holdings to managed equity mutual funds for better risk management.

Provident Fund, PPF, and NPS (Rs 2.25 crore): These are safe and tax-efficient investments. However, they lack liquidity. Ensure you have a sufficient liquid corpus to manage any cash flow requirements during your startup phase.

Rental Property: Your flat generates Rs 35,000 monthly. This passive income is good but not inflation-proof. Keep a buffer for maintenance costs or potential vacancies.

Personal Accident Cover and Health Insurance: You are adequately covered, but consider increasing your health insurance limit, especially post-retirement, when medical expenses may rise.

Building a Sustainable Retirement Corpus
Given your current portfolio, let's evaluate how to create a sustainable retirement strategy:

Emergency Fund: Keep at least 12 months' worth of expenses in a highly liquid form like liquid mutual funds or a high-interest savings account. This will act as a cushion during your startup journey or any unforeseen expenses.

Withdrawal Strategy: Plan a systematic withdrawal from your mutual funds to manage cash flows post-retirement. However, avoid withdrawing too early to prevent eating into your principal. Focus on capital appreciation rather than frequent withdrawals.

Tax Implications:

For equity mutual funds, the new tax rule is that Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
For debt funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab. Plan your redemptions strategically to minimize taxes.
Passive Income: Consider diversifying your passive income sources. Rental income alone may not suffice. Focus on creating a steady income stream through dividend-yielding funds, SWPs (Systematic Withdrawal Plans), or debt funds.

Review Investment Goals: As you transition towards early retirement, revisit your risk appetite. Align your investments with your new goals, keeping a conservative tilt to safeguard your wealth.

Your Startup Plan: Key Considerations
Pursuing a startup is an exciting prospect but comes with its own set of challenges. Here’s how to plan for it:

Initial Funding: Avoid using a large chunk of your retirement corpus. Allocate only a small portion of your portfolio for startup expenses. Use profits from your current investments instead.

Keep Your Expenses Low: In the initial years of the startup, income might be uncertain. Ensure your lifestyle expenses are optimized to match your reduced income.

Maintain Liquidity: Startups often face cash flow gaps. Keep a portion of your investments in easily accessible funds. This will provide a buffer in case your startup takes longer to generate profits.

Insurance: Consider a term insurance policy if you haven’t already. It can protect your family’s financial future if something unexpected happens. Also, review your personal accident cover to ensure it’s adequate.

Network and Mentorship: Leverage your existing professional network. Seeking advice from seasoned entrepreneurs can help you navigate initial challenges more effectively.

Risk Management and Contingency Planning
Before taking the retirement leap and starting your venture, ensure you have adequate safeguards in place:

Life Insurance: A term plan can be more cost-effective than endowment or ULIP policies. This will secure your family’s financial stability.

Health Cover: Increase your health cover to at least Rs 20 lakh, especially if you are retiring early. Medical emergencies can derail financial plans if not adequately covered.

Contingency Fund: Allocate a portion of your portfolio towards a contingency fund. It should be accessible without any lock-in, like a high-interest savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Legal Planning: Draft a will and power of attorney. This will protect your family’s interests and prevent disputes.

Final Insights
You have built a solid foundation over the years. With careful planning, you can transition to early retirement and focus on your passion for a startup.

However, take incremental steps. Review your financial plans regularly with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure you stay on track.

Always remember, it’s not just about having enough funds. It’s about having a strategy to manage those funds efficiently for a fulfilling retirement.

You’re on the right track. A few tweaks here and there, and you’re ready to pursue your next big dream!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi sir I am 34 years with take home 75k. Present wife not working and we are having w year daughter and 2 months son. My tax regime is new My expenses as Home loan 11k. Car loan 10.5k. Other expenses 10k. Home expenses and maid 10k. Term insurance yearly 19k with 1 cr coverage. Please suggest me investment of 10-12k Daughter Son Kids higher education Retirement My planning ssy of 50k yearly and nps of 50k Please suggest.
Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach to securing your family's financial future, especially with young children to care for. Let's explore how you can allocate your resources effectively to meet your various financial goals.

Prioritizing Your Investments
Given your income, expenses, and specific financial goals, here's a suggested investment strategy tailored to your needs:

1. Children's Education:
Investing in your children's education is crucial for their future success. Consider opening separate savings accounts or investment plans for your daughter and son. Allocate a portion of your monthly budget (around Rs. 2,000 to Rs. 2,500 each) towards these accounts to accumulate funds over time. Opt for investment options with moderate risk and potential for long-term growth, such as mutual funds or child education plans.

2. Retirement Planning:
It's never too early to start planning for your retirement. Allocate a portion of your monthly budget (around Rs. 3,000 to Rs. 4,000) towards retirement savings. Maximize contributions to your NPS account, taking advantage of the tax benefits offered under the new tax regime. Additionally, consider investing in equity mutual funds or voluntary provident fund (VPF) to supplement your retirement corpus further.

3. Term Insurance:
You've already taken a significant step by securing term insurance coverage of Rs. 1 crore. Ensure that your coverage amount is sufficient to meet your family's financial needs in case of any unfortunate event. Review your insurance needs periodically, especially as your family and financial responsibilities evolve.

4. Emergency Fund:
Building an emergency fund is essential to handle unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Aim to set aside an amount equivalent to 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses in a high-yield savings account or liquid mutual fund. Start with a small portion of your monthly budget (around Rs. 1,000 to Rs. 2,000) towards this fund and gradually increase it over time.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Regularly review your financial plan to track progress towards your goals and make any necessary adjustments. As your income increases or expenses change, you may need to reallocate your resources accordingly. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure that your investment strategy remains aligned with your long-term objectives.

Conclusion
By following this investment plan and staying disciplined in your approach, you can build a solid financial foundation for your family's future. Remember that consistency and patience are key to achieving your financial goals over time.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 38 yrs doctor, recently completed my education. And now started my first job. I have one dependend-wife. We are not planning childrens. My financial status- 1. Term Insurance 1 cr 2. Health insurance for us- 5 lacs 3. Montly mutual fund SIP of 30 K across different funds.Aculcumulted 6 lacs till now. 4. Emergency fund of 5 to 6 lacs in bank saving account 5. FD of 3 lacs. 6. Took home loan of 17 lacs for 20 years ( EMI 15,000). I started to earn very late. So my accumulated wealth in very less. Now my concerns are- 1. How should I plan for financial journey,considering the fact that I want to have aprrox 10 to 12 yrs of active professional carrier. 2. I want to start a different business which can generate me second source of income.How to plan this? 3. I want to invest in commercial property so that I can lease it out. Please guide. Thank you.
Ans: First of all, congratulations on completing your education and starting your career! Your financial status shows a lot of foresight and planning, which is great. Let's break down your situation and look at how you can achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
You've got a solid foundation with term insurance, health insurance, and a good start in mutual funds. Your emergency fund and FD provide security. The home loan is a manageable liability. Let's explore how to optimize your financial journey.

Planning Your Financial Journey
Prioritize Goals and Timeline
You've got about 10-12 years of active professional life. It's important to prioritize your financial goals:

Secure Retirement Plan
Second Source of Income
Investing in Commercial Property
Strengthening Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual funds are a great choice for long-term wealth creation. Let's dive into how to optimize this further.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and aim for high returns over the long term. They are suitable for wealth creation but come with higher risks.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds are less risky than equity funds. They invest in fixed-income securities and provide stable returns. They are good for maintaining liquidity and stability in your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds balance the potential for higher returns from equities with the stability of debt. They offer moderate risk and are suitable for balanced growth.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experts who make investment decisions for you. This is beneficial if you prefer not to handle the complexities of individual stock picking.

Diversification
Mutual funds diversify investments across various assets, reducing risk compared to individual securities.

Liquidity
You can redeem mutual fund units on any business day at the current NAV, providing good liquidity.

Power of Compounding
Investing in mutual funds over the long term allows your returns to compound, significantly enhancing your wealth. SIPs can further boost your returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate a market index and offer average market returns. They lack the flexibility to respond to market changes and may underperform during downturns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment choices. Fund managers actively buy and sell securities to take advantage of market opportunities, potentially offering higher returns.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require you to handle all investment decisions and paperwork. This can be complex and time-consuming without professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides expert advice tailored to your goals. A CFP can help you choose the right funds, monitor your portfolio, and make adjustments as needed, optimizing returns and managing risks.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest regularly in mutual funds. They mitigate market volatility and build wealth over time through rupee cost averaging.

Risk Assessment and Management
Understanding and managing risk is crucial for a balanced portfolio.

Equity Funds Risks
Equity funds are subject to market risks and volatility. However, they have the potential for higher returns over the long term.

Debt Funds Risks
Debt funds carry lower risk than equity funds but are not risk-free. They are subject to interest rate risk and credit risk.

Hybrid Funds Risks
Hybrid funds balance the risks of equity and debt investments, offering moderate risk and suitable for balanced growth.

Commercial Property Investment
Investing in commercial property can provide rental income and capital appreciation. However, it requires significant capital and has risks like property market fluctuations and tenant issues.

Considerations for Commercial Property
Location: Choose a prime location for better rental income and appreciation.
Legal Checks: Ensure all legal documents and clearances are in place.
Market Research: Understand the demand and supply in the area.
Maintenance: Be prepared for ongoing maintenance and property management.
Starting a Second Business
Starting a second business requires careful planning and consideration of your financial situation.

Steps to Start a Business
Identify Business Idea: Choose a business idea that aligns with your skills and market demand.
Create a Business Plan: Outline your business goals, target market, financial projections, and strategies.
Secure Funding: Assess your funding needs and explore options like personal savings, loans, or investors.
Legal Formalities: Register your business, obtain necessary licenses, and comply with regulations.
Launch and Scale: Start small, test the market, and gradually scale your business.
Balancing Business and Professional Life
Balancing a second business with your professional career requires time management and delegation.

Time Management
Allocate specific hours for your business without affecting your professional commitments. Prioritize tasks and focus on high-impact activities.

Delegation
Delegate tasks to trusted employees or partners to manage the workload effectively. This allows you to focus on strategic decisions and growth.

Tax Efficiency
Optimizing tax efficiency can enhance your overall returns.

Mutual Funds Tax Benefits
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are tax-free up to Rs 1 lakh per annum. Gains above this are taxed at 10%. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for indexation benefits, reducing the taxable amount.

Business Tax Planning
Maintain proper records of business expenses and explore deductions to reduce taxable income. Consult a tax professional for personalized advice.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund. This ensures quick access to cash for unexpected expenses.

Retirement Planning
Plan for retirement by investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to align with your retirement goals.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized investment strategies. A CFP can help navigate financial markets and make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Your financial journey requires careful planning and strategic investments. Strengthen your mutual fund portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Consider actively managed funds for higher potential returns. Invest through a CFP for expert guidance and optimized returns.

Balancing a second business with your professional life is achievable with proper planning and delegation. Investing in commercial property can provide additional income but requires thorough research and management.

Maintaining an emergency fund, optimizing tax efficiency, and planning for retirement are crucial steps. Regularly review and adjust your financial plans to stay on track with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Money
Sir My Age is 38 Now. Running Business In Pune city. Below are the My Assets & Liabilities. Current Values - Assets. Own Industrial Plot - Rs. 2.0 Cr, Business Income Yearly Rs. 24.00 Lack, Own Company Investment ( Machinery, Debtors Etc ) - Rs 2.40 Cr, Mutual Fund & Share Market Investment Rs. 2.10 Cr, Bank FD - Rs. 50.00 Lack, Own 3 Flats in Pune - Rs. 75 lack, 50 Lack & 35 Lack ( Current Values ), Golds - Rs. 25.00 Lack, Land - Agriculture - Rs. 20.00 Lack, Term Insurances - Rs. 20.00 Lack ( Till Date Premium Paid ) Labilities. House Loan - Rs. 30.00 Lack ( EMI 26500.00 PM ) Loan will close after 17 years. Car Loan - Rs. 6.35 lack ( EMI 12500.00 PM ) Loan will close after 5 years. This Assets & investment sufficient for maintain 7 family members Expenses after retirement ? ( 4 Adult + 3 Children (Below 5 Years) ). I will retire at the age of 45.
Ans: Your financial position is commendable, with diverse investments and significant assets. Let's carefully evaluate your portfolio and determine its adequacy for retirement.

Assets Evaluation
Industrial Plot: The industrial plot adds stability to your portfolio. However, it may not generate regular income.

Business Income: Rs. 24 lakh yearly income supports both savings and current expenses. However, this income will stop after retirement.

Company Investments (Machinery, Debtors, etc.): Rs. 2.4 crore in business assets holds potential but depends on liquidity. Ensure your business succession plan is well-structured.

Mutual Funds and Stock Market Investments: Rs. 2.1 crore in equity investments offers excellent growth potential. A well-diversified portfolio aligned with your goals is crucial.

Bank Fixed Deposits: Rs. 50 lakh provides safety but generates lower returns. This can be retained for emergencies or short-term needs.

Real Estate (3 Flats): Your flats have a combined value of Rs. 1.6 crore. Rental income post-retirement can support your expenses.

Gold: Rs. 25 lakh in gold acts as a hedge against inflation. Gold is a strong reserve asset but not an income-generating one.

Agricultural Land: Rs. 20 lakh in agricultural land may have limited liquidity. Future appreciation depends on market conditions.

Term Insurance: Rs. 20 lakh in term insurance offers coverage but is not an investment.

Liabilities Evaluation
House Loan: Rs. 30 lakh house loan with 17 years remaining. This liability will continue into retirement unless paid early.

Car Loan: Rs. 6.35 lakh car loan with five years remaining. Manage this liability to avoid cash flow pressure.

Retirement Planning Considerations
Expenses for 7 Members: Your family size increases post-retirement costs. This includes education and healthcare for children and adults.

Retirement Age of 45: Early retirement reduces your working years and increases the time funds need to last.

Inflation Impact: Rising costs of living must be considered for a long retirement period.

Corpus Utilisation: Your existing investments need to generate regular post-retirement income while growing to beat inflation.

Suggestions for Asset Allocation
Equity Investments: Continue equity investments in mutual funds and stocks for growth. Consolidate under-performing funds and consider active funds for better returns.

Real Estate Management: If rental income is not substantial, consider selling underperforming properties. Reinvest proceeds into diversified financial instruments.

Emergency Fund: Maintain Rs. 6-8 lakh in liquid funds or FDs for unforeseen expenses.

Loan Repayment Strategy: Prepay car and home loans with surplus funds to reduce interest outflow.

Gold and Agricultural Land: Retain as reserves but avoid additional allocation here.

Business Continuity Plan: Create a clear succession plan to ensure business sustainability. This will protect your assets and provide stability.

Additional Recommendations
Mutual Fund Review: Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Avoid excessive exposure to one category.

Life Insurance Review: Ensure your term insurance covers at least 10-15 times your annual income. Consider increasing coverage for better security.

Health Insurance: Cover all family members with adequate health insurance. Opt for a Rs. 20-25 lakh family floater plan.

Children’s Education and Marriage: Start dedicated investments for these goals using equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Retirement Corpus Calculation: Target a corpus that generates Rs. 3 lakh monthly. Include inflation-adjusted returns and expenses.

Creating a Retirement Income Plan
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Invest a portion of equity funds in debt-oriented SWP to generate regular income.

Rental Income: Generate steady rental income from real estate properties to cover a portion of expenses.

Debt Funds: Allocate a portion to debt funds for stable returns. This helps balance equity risks.

Dividend Yield Stocks: Invest in high-dividend stocks for a regular income stream.

Periodic Portfolio Review: Monitor and adjust your portfolio annually to align with changing goals and market conditions.

Final Insights
Your current assets and investments are significant. However, early retirement requires careful planning. Focus on prepaying loans and optimising investments. Protect your family with adequate insurance and create a robust retirement income plan.

With disciplined investments and adjustments, your goal of retiring at 45 is achievable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |23 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Health
I am 51. I have been diagnosed to have multiple fibroids. 3 Months ago, my bleeding did not stop and was told it was due to my fibroids and had to be given hormones treatment to stop. But, since then I had 2 normal periods. Right now, I am not taking any medicines. What further action I need to take for my fibroids issue. Please advise.
Ans: Hello
You are 51 with fibroids, with menorrhagia
Firstly,
1) We Need to get usg 3 D pelvis done with fibroid mapping.
2) Blood test to see for CBC, tsh , prolactin, tsh level
Since you are 51 and if your hemoglobin is maintained and bleeding controlled, we can wait and observe with regular usg monitoring for fibroids
Since you are 51, there are chances of you being in perimenopause and menopause, so there are chances fibroids reduce in size, and you become asymptomatic because post menopause estrogen level drops and fibroids are estrogen dependent.
If wish to go for conservative management:
a) Cyclic Oc pills or continuous Oc pills to create pseudoamennorhoea which will control dysmenorrhea and bleeding
B) Lupron Depot is a synthetic hormone that reduces the body's production of estrogen and progesterone, causing a temporary menopause-like state. This can shrink fibroids, stop menstrual periods, and improve anemia.
Uterine fibroid embolization:
This minimally invasive procedure involves injecting small particles into the uterine artery to block blood flow to the fibroids.
Radiofrequency ablation (RFA):
This treatment uses microwave energy to treat smaller fibroids in people who haven't reached menopause.
Progestin-releasing intrauterine device (IUD)
This option is for women with fibroids that don't distort the uterus. It can reduce heavy bleeding but doesn't treat the fibroids.
But if symptoms like
Heavy periods
Pain
Frequent periods
Drop in hemoglobin
Disturbed quality of life
Then best option will be removal of uterus keeping ovaries intact if ovaries are healthy to maintain hormones.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1367 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
Relationship
My in-laws family are having very good relations with our next door neighbour from the time of grandparents of my husband. I know them (uncle, aunty, their son, daughter in law & a kid) from 7 years (from my marriage). Uncle (26 years elder than me) favours me a lot. I requested for my placement in the company he is working in. I got the job there just after 1 year of my marriage in the company by the help of uncle. Uncle was in very senior position in the company. He was handling both audit & sales department. I wanted to work under him to have great experience. Company accepted my request. But most of the time, he was staying outside the city. Company arrange hotel for him as well as for a male colleague for back support him outside city. I requested the company to let me travel with him outside, but company was not ready to give separate room for me because of cost cutting. Even if I pay my expenses for separate room, it will be over budget for me if I spend so much frequently. So, I asked for permission from my husband & company to let me share the room (2 separate beds) with him. My husband believe on him more than anyone else. Fortunately, company & husband permitted me to share the room (2 separate beds) with him. Since then onwards, I was travelling with him outside to many cities but I was sharing room with him always. Uncle was taking care of me just like his own daughter. He was scolding me if I wear any inappropriate clothes by mistake or if I do anything wrong. He was calling me daughter instead of my name. I feel safe & comfortable with him. He is committed to work in the same company till his death. I committed the same. Now, from 1 year, there are changes in his behaviour. He has started calling me by my name instead of ‘daughter’. He has stopped saying anything if I wear inappropriate clothes. And the biggest thing is he has started flirting with me. Not the weird flirt, but a healthy flirt. He is complimenting on my looks, my dressing sense, my personality, etc. To be honest, I am still feeling comfortable & safe with him. I am still enjoying my official life by working under him. Sometimes I just smile & sometimes I flirt back (with no wrong intentions). He never touched me with any wrong intentions. My curiosity is why he changed after so many years ?? Nothing is changed in his personal life. His family is well & good. So, what made him change towards me ?? I have not told about this change to my husband otherwise he will take tension unnecessary. I believe that it’s ok to hide few such things if we are not having any wrong intentions. Also want to know if I should be concern about it or not ?? I am never going to take any step against my husband. I love my husband truly, but I don’t know what’s going on in the mind of my uncle ?? I want to know your view point in this situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It doesn't take a lot of smartness to figure out that this 'Uncle' has begun to have some 'feelings' for you...
Oh and the decision to stay in the same room and then justifying as that he takes care of you like his own daughter. You do realize that once the daughter grows, the fathers also have a sense of respecting the boundaries of his own daughter, right?
And kindly explain this to yourself: There is another male colleague traveling; why can't he share the room with 'Uncle' and you as a woman be given a separate room?
Please come to your senses before your company starts talking and it will not just get ugly at the workplace but also the place where you stay. PLUS your family is going to have a hard time processing what went wrong with their friendly neighbors.
Be smart, be wise and kindly put an end to this 'uncle-daughter' labels and understand that he is most likely beginning to grow feelings and just out of respect for your in-laws is being in his place. And your 'uncle' is never going to come and tell you this...these signals that you have mentioned are enough...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1367 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, Recently I told my feelings to my friend that I like her. I even told her that I am not expecting anything right now. May be one year, two year or three years down the line we might have a future together. She then told me that she loves someone else and didn't thought of it. Now even she told me to say away as it would be good for both of us. Now I regret that why I told her that. I shouldn't have told her my feelings. Now I regret more that I lost a valuable friend and friendship. Now I even think that I am not good looking as her, so that might be the case of rejection. Can you please tell what should I do now as I am not able to focus on anything and the regret is very heavy on me. I am always thinking that I shouldn't have told her about my feelings.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is done, is done; you can't go back in time and change any of that!
And you were just being honest with her; it's sad that she could not appreciate your honesty BUT she also fears that being friends with you, may also hurt you; so staying away seems to be the best option...
Move on; it's hard doing that but not impossible...change is the only constant in life and people come and go just as feelings come and go...It's a big beautiful world out there; expand your social circle and give time to your personal growth. Focus on yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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