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Desperate dad of two seeks investment advice to support family without job for 20 years with 5cr and no insurance

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2025Hindi
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Hi Sir, I have lost my job, a family of four, kinds are of 9th and 6 th year. Monthly family expense is 1.5l. I have 5 cr in equity, 1 cr in pf, don't have insurance, please guide me to invest 5,cr to manage family expenses without doing any job for another 20 years.

Ans: You have a strong asset base of Rs. 5 crore in equity and Rs. 1 crore in PF. However, your current challenge is to generate a sustainable income to manage monthly expenses of Rs. 1.5 lakh for the next 20 years.

Additionally, you lack health and life insurance, which poses risks to your family’s financial security. Your children, aged 9 and 6 years, will also require funds for their education.

Let us develop a comprehensive, step-by-step plan to manage your current situation and secure your family’s financial future.

Step 1: Prioritising Emergency and Insurance Needs

Create an Emergency Fund

Set aside Rs. 25-30 lakh in liquid or ultra-short-term funds.

This fund should cover at least 18 months of household expenses.

Ensure Adequate Health Insurance

Purchase a comprehensive family floater health insurance policy.

Opt for coverage of at least Rs. 25 lakh with top-up plans.

Get a Term Life Insurance Policy

Buy term insurance for at least Rs. 2 crore.
This will protect your family’s financial needs in your absence.
Step 2: Diversifying and Rebalancing Investments

Review and Reduce Equity Exposure

Equity is volatile and may not suit your income needs.

Gradually reduce exposure to 50% and diversify into stable instruments.

Invest in Debt Funds for Stability

Allocate Rs. 2 crore to high-quality debt funds for predictable returns.

This can provide regular income while preserving capital.

Include Balanced Advantage Funds

Allocate Rs. 1 crore to balanced advantage funds.
These funds adjust equity and debt exposure based on market conditions.
Step 3: Generating Regular Income

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)

Invest in mutual funds offering SWP options for monthly income.

Start with Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly withdrawals and adjust for inflation.

Plan PF Utilisation

Do not withdraw PF entirely at once.
Use PF as a fallback during emergencies or later retirement years.
Step 4: Securing Children’s Education and Future

Create a Separate Education Fund

Allocate Rs. 1 crore to equity-oriented funds for your children’s education.

Start SIPs for the next 8-10 years to accumulate the required corpus.

Plan for Marriage Expenses

Invest Rs. 50 lakh in hybrid funds for long-term marriage planning.
These funds will provide moderate growth with lower risk.
Step 5: Tax Planning for Optimisation

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals
Plan withdrawals to minimise tax impact on long-term and short-term gains.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Leverage PPF for Tax-Free Growth
Your Rs. 1 crore in PF is tax-free and should remain untouched.
Maximise contributions to PPF to reduce taxable income.
Step 6: Periodic Monitoring and Adjustments

Review Investment Performance Regularly
Track your portfolio annually and rebalance based on market conditions.

Ensure that your investments align with your income needs and goals.

Seek Guidance from a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can help you manage your portfolio effectively.
Regular consultations ensure your financial plan stays on track.
Step 7: Estate and Legacy Planning

Draft a Will for Asset Distribution
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed as per your wishes.

Include provisions for your children’s future needs.

Nominate Beneficiaries for Investments
Update nominations in all financial accounts and policies.
This ensures hassle-free access for your family in your absence.
Finally

You can manage your family’s expenses and secure their future with a strategic plan. By balancing your investments and ensuring proper insurance coverage, you can achieve financial independence without a job for the next 20 years. Periodic reviews will further strengthen your financial position.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Money
Hi sir, I am housewife age 40 my husband business man.two children . Son college 1st year daughter 11 studying. Own house 2tent montly 12000. My house expenses use it . My husband children study her handle. Lastyear ijoin the part time job montly 5000/ how to invest . Montly. My bank balance zero. Pls guide me
Ans: I understand your situation and am here to guide you on how to wisely invest your income as a housewife, balancing your family's needs and securing your financial future.


Managing household expenses while handling a part-time job shows your dedication and commitment towards your family's financial stability. Your willingness to invest for the future is commendable.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Current Situation:

Age 40, housewife.
Husband is a businessman.
Two children: Son in college (1st year) and daughter in 11th grade.
Monthly tent income of Rs 12,000 from two houses, covering household expenses.
Part-time job income of Rs 5,000 per month recently started.
Bank balance is zero.
Financial Goals:

Secure financial future for yourself and your family.
Invest wisely to build savings and generate additional income.
Budgeting and Investment Strategy
Monthly Income and Expenses Analysis:

Monthly income: Rs 17,000 (tent income + part-time job).
Expenses covered by tent income: Household expenses.
Investment Potential:

Focus on saving and investing a portion of your income for future needs and emergencies.
Types of Investments
Investing wisely involves understanding different options and their benefits:

1. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Overview:

SIPs allow you to invest regularly in mutual funds.
They help in disciplined savings and benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Advantages:

Systematic approach to investing.
Suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Risks:

Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns.
Need for patience and staying invested for long-term benefits.
2. Debt Mutual Funds
Overview:

Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and treasury bills.
They offer stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds.
Advantages:

Capital preservation.
Regular income through interest payouts.
Risks:

Interest rate risk: Values of existing bonds may decrease with rising interest rates.
Credit risk: Possibility of default by bond issuers.
3. Recurring Deposits (RD)
Overview:

RDs are fixed-income instruments offered by banks.
Regular monthly deposits for a fixed tenure with predetermined interest rates.
Advantages:

Safe investment option.
Fixed returns and disciplined savings.
Risks:

Lower returns compared to equity investments.
Interest rate fluctuations affecting future returns.
Power of Compounding
Understanding compounding can help you make informed investment decisions:

Overview:

Compounding is reinvesting your earnings to generate additional earnings over time.
Helps in growing your wealth exponentially with long-term investments.
Advantages:

Maximizes returns through reinvestment.
Accelerates wealth accumulation over time.
Example:

Investing regularly in SIPs or RDs allows you to benefit from compounding and build a substantial corpus for future needs.
Managing Risk
Risk Appetite:

As a conservative investor, focus on low to moderate risk investments like debt funds and RDs.
Avoid high-risk investments like direct equity or speculative instruments.
Diversification:

Spread investments across different asset classes to reduce overall risk.
Balance between fixed-income investments (like RDs and debt funds) and equity-oriented investments (like SIPs) for growth potential.
Financial Planning for Children's Education
Education Planning:

Plan for your children's higher education expenses systematically.
Estimate future costs and start investing early to meet these goals.
Investment Allocation:

Allocate a portion of your savings towards education funds through SIPs or targeted investment plans.
Building an Emergency Fund
Emergency Fund Importance:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of expenses.
Helps in covering unexpected financial needs without disturbing long-term investments.
Liquid Investments:

Utilize liquid funds or keep a portion of savings in easily accessible instruments for emergency needs.
Final Insights
By adopting a disciplined approach to savings and investing, you can achieve financial security and meet your future goals effectively. Here’s a summary of the key steps:

Budgeting and Income Analysis: Understand your monthly income and expenses.
Investment Strategy: Focus on SIPs, debt funds, and recurring deposits for stable returns.
Power of Compounding: Reinvest earnings to benefit from long-term wealth creation.
Risk Management: Opt for low to moderate risk investments aligned with your risk tolerance.
Education Planning: Start investing early for your children's education expenses.
Emergency Fund: Maintain liquidity for unforeseen expenses without affecting long-term investments.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 44 Years, Married, Wife age 39 and not working, 2 Kids age 10 and 6 years studying. Monthly In : approx.150000 (after deducting tax etc.). Monthly expenses approx. Rs. 1 Lac, Investment: Rs. 17500 PM in 7 different MFs, 12500 PPF PM, 50000 Insurance Per annum, 50000 NPS per annum, Not having own house (suffered a loss of approx. Rs. 25 Lac in a property in year 2015), currently on rent, not having any other support system...pl advise how to proceed further. Regards
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Your income is Rs. 1,50,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are approximately Rs. 1,00,000.

You are investing Rs. 17,500 per month in mutual funds, Rs. 12,500 per month in PPF, Rs. 50,000 annually in insurance, and Rs. 50,000 annually in NPS.

Assessing Your Investments
Mutual Funds

Investing in seven different mutual funds is good for diversification.

PPF

PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits.

Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

NPS

NPS is good for retirement planning with tax benefits.

Financial Goals and Strategies
Goal: Buying a House
You previously faced a loss in property investment.

Saving for a house should be a priority.

Consider saving separately in a high-interest account.

Goal: Children’s Education
Plan for your children’s education expenses.

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

Goal: Retirement Planning
You are already investing in NPS and PPF.

Consider increasing contributions to NPS.

Monthly Savings Allocation
Increase Savings

Try to save more from your monthly income.

Aim for saving 25-30% of your income.

Investment Diversification
Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate more to large-cap and mid-cap funds.

These funds offer balanced growth and stability.

Debt Funds

Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income.

Balanced Funds

Consider balanced advantage funds.

These funds provide a mix of equity and debt.

Insurance Review
Term Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

A cover of Rs. 1 crore is recommended.

Health Insurance

Ensure comprehensive health coverage for your family.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund.

Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner.

They can provide personalized advice and regular reviews.

Action Plan
1. Increase SIPs

Gradually increase SIP contributions.

Focus on large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds.

2. Save for House

Save separately in a high-interest account for buying a house.

3. Plan for Education

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

4. Review Insurance

Ensure adequate term and health insurance coverage.

5. Maintain Emergency Fund

Keep an emergency fund for at least 6 months of expenses.

Final Insights
Your financial plan should focus on increasing savings, diversifying investments, and planning for future goals.

Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Seek professional guidance to ensure a comprehensive financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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I am ready to invest Rs 2 to 3 lakhs every year. Please suggest the right SIPs and schemes that can help me earn Rs 5 lakh additional income every year.
Ans: You want to invest Rs 2 to 3 lakh every year and generate an additional Rs 5 lakh yearly income.

This requires a strong investment strategy. The right SIP plan will help you build a sustainable income.

Investment Approach for High Returns
Equity mutual funds are the best option for long-term wealth creation.

Actively managed funds can outperform index funds in the long run.

Diversified investment across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds is essential.

Avoid direct funds and choose regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials.

Understanding Return Expectations
The expected long-term return from equity mutual funds is 12% to 15% annually.

To earn Rs 5 lakh yearly, your corpus must be large enough.

You need a disciplined SIP strategy for 10+ years to achieve this.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Equity Exposure: Allocate 80% to 90% in equity funds for high growth.

Debt Exposure: Keep 10% to 20% in debt funds for stability.

Rebalance investments based on market conditions.

Selecting the Right SIPs
Invest in a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Large-cap funds provide stability during market fluctuations.

Mid-cap and small-cap funds offer high growth potential.

A small portion in balanced advantage funds adds stability.

Tax Considerations
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Equity investments should be held for more than a year to reduce tax burden.

How to Withdraw Rs 5 Lakh Per Year
Once you build a sufficient corpus, use Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

SWP ensures steady cash flow while keeping investments intact.

Proper fund selection reduces tax liability on withdrawals.

Finally
Start SIPs in actively managed equity funds for the best returns.

Choose regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials for guidance.

Stick to a long-term investment strategy for sustainable wealth.

A Certified Financial Planner can help optimize your portfolio for income generation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

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Hi When the capital gains is rs85 lakhs, can I invest 50 lakhs in bonds and remaining 35 lalks in residential property? Regards
Ans: You have capital gains of Rs 85 lakh. You want to invest Rs 50 lakh in bonds and Rs 35 lakh in a residential property. Your approach is partially correct, but let’s analyse it in detail.

Exemption on Capital Gains Bonds (Section 54EC)
You can invest up to Rs 50 lakh in specified capital gains bonds.

These bonds have a lock-in period of 5 years.

Interest earned from these bonds is taxable.

You must invest in these bonds within 6 months of sale to claim exemption.

Exemption on Residential Property Purchase (Section 54F)
You can reinvest capital gains in a new residential property.

The property must be purchased within 2 years or constructed within 3 years.

If you buy a new property, you must not own more than one house before this purchase.

Can You Use Both Options Together?
Yes, you can combine both options to save tax.

Investing Rs 50 lakh in bonds will give partial exemption.

Investing Rs 35 lakh in property will also give partial exemption.

Any amount not reinvested will be taxed as per capital gains rules.

Alternative Tax-Efficient Options
If saving tax is your main goal, you can invest fully in bonds.

If wealth creation is the goal, consider investing in mutual funds after tax payment.

Actively managed mutual funds can give better long-term returns.

Important Considerations
Liquidity: Capital gains bonds have a 5-year lock-in.

Returns: These bonds offer lower returns than equity mutual funds.

Long-Term Strategy: Investing in mutual funds can help you grow wealth over time.

Finally
Your plan is correct, but you must consider tax rules carefully.

If you need liquidity, avoid investing too much in bonds.

A Certified Financial Planner can help you optimise your investment plan.

Always align investments with your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
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I am a college student. I get pocket money of Rs 5,000 and Rs 2,000 additional from my grandparents every month . I have saved Rs 7,200 in my piggy bank. I want to invest this money and become rich. Can you tell me how I can invest and where to invest?
Ans: You have taken an excellent step by thinking about investing early. Starting young gives you a huge advantage in wealth building. Your current savings and monthly income can be used wisely to grow your money.

Understanding Your Financial Position
Savings: You have Rs 7,200 in hand.

Monthly Income: You receive Rs 7,000 every month (Rs 5,000 + Rs 2,000).

Expenses: If you track and limit your expenses, you can save more.

Goal: You want to invest and become rich over time.

Creating a Strong Investment Plan
Build an Emergency Fund

Keep at least Rs 3,000 in a savings account for emergencies.

This helps you avoid withdrawing from investments in urgent situations.

Invest Your Rs 7,200 Wisely

You can start a mutual fund SIP with a small amount.

Avoid index funds as they only match market returns.

Actively managed mutual funds can give better long-term growth.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner help in tracking performance.

Save and Invest from Your Monthly Income

Try to invest at least Rs 2,000 per month from your pocket money.

Increase it when you have extra cash.

The longer you invest, the more wealth you can create.

Where to Invest?
Actively Managed Mutual Funds

These funds are managed by experts to get the best returns.

They perform better than index funds in most market conditions.

Avoid direct funds as they do not provide professional advice.

Recurring Deposits for Short-Term Goals

If you need money in 1-2 years, invest in a recurring deposit.

It is safe and gives better returns than a savings account.

Avoid Stocks for Now

Direct stock investing requires time and knowledge.

Mutual funds are a better option to begin with.

Habits to Build Wealth Faster
Increase Your Investment Every Year

Even adding Rs 500 more each year makes a big difference.

The power of compounding will multiply your wealth over time.

Track Your Expenses

Reduce spending on unnecessary items.

More savings mean more money for investment.

Continue Investing for 10+ Years

Wealth grows best when you invest for the long term.

Do not withdraw money for short-term needs.

Final Insights
You have made a great decision to start investing early.

Begin with mutual fund SIPs for long-term growth.

Save a fixed amount from your pocket money every month.

Increase investments every year for better returns.

Stay patient and let your wealth grow over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7952 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2025Hindi
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Dear Guru, I am 32 year old IT professional, earning monthly 1,30,000-/. I have started doing SIP from April 2024 in Navi nifty 50 index fund Direct - Rs 3000, Motilal Oswal nifty next 50 index fund - Direct Rs 3000, Mahindra Manulife Mid cap 150 Direct - Rs 4000, Quant Small Cap 250 Direct - Rs 3000. Do I need to diversify my portfolio or all Selected MF are fine? I will do 10% setup every year and want to achieve 1 cr in next 10 year.
Ans: Your investment journey is on the right track. You have started early, and that's a big advantage. You are also increasing SIPs every year, which will help reach your target. But, your fund selection needs some improvements.

Issues with Your Current Portfolio
Too Much in Index Funds

You have two index funds, both in direct plans. These funds will only match the market returns.

Index funds do not outperform in volatile or falling markets.

Actively managed funds can generate better returns with expert fund management.

Direct Plans May Not Be the Best Choice

Direct funds may seem to save costs, but they lack professional guidance.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner provide expert fund selection.

A good financial expert helps in tracking and rebalancing investments.

Small-Cap Fund Has High Risk

Your small-cap fund can give high returns but also faces deep corrections.

Small caps can take years to recover from market crashes.

It is better to keep them at a lower allocation.

Mid-Cap Allocation Needs Review

Mid-cap funds perform well in growing markets but fall more during market crashes.

A balanced mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds works better.

Suggested Portfolio Adjustments
Shift from Index Funds to Actively Managed Funds

Replace both index funds with a flexi-cap or large-cap active fund.

Active funds can generate better risk-adjusted returns than passive funds.

Increase Large-Cap Exposure

Your portfolio lacks a strong large-cap presence.

Large-cap funds provide stability in tough market conditions.

Reduce Small-Cap Exposure

Keep your small-cap allocation to 10-15% of your total investments.

Shift some amount to a multi-cap or flexi-cap fund for better balance.

Will You Achieve Rs. 1 Crore in 10 Years?
A 10% annual increase in SIP is a smart approach.

With improved fund selection, your goal is achievable.

Market fluctuations will impact growth, but disciplined investing helps.

Other Important Steps for Wealth Growth
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months' expenses in a liquid fund or FD.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have a good medical policy for financial security.

Term Insurance: If you have dependents, get a pure term life cover.

Tax Planning: Invest in ELSS funds if you want to save tax under Section 80C.

Final Insights
Your SIP habit is excellent, but fund selection needs improvement.

Avoid direct and index funds; choose actively managed regular plans.

Diversify with large, mid, and small-cap funds for stability and growth.

Stay invested for the long term and rebalance when needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

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Dear Kanchan .. Generally it happens to me, when I have to attend any hearing before courts/ Tribunal, I become more stressed till the hearing is completed. Please suggest
Ans: It’s entirely normal to feel stressed before court or tribunal hearings. These situations can be intimidating, and the anticipation of the unknown adds to the anxiety. But it’s crucial to manage this stress to ensure you perform at your best and protect your mental well-being.

Start by preparing thoroughly for the hearing. The more you know about the case, the arguments, and the possible questions, the more confident you’ll feel. Practice your statements or answers, perhaps with a colleague or in front of a mirror. Visualization can also be powerful—imagine yourself confidently presenting your case and everything going smoothly.

On the day of the hearing, use deep breathing techniques to calm your nerves. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale through your mouth. Repeat this several times to reduce anxiety. Positive affirmations can also help. Remind yourself that you are well-prepared and capable of handling the situation.

If the stress is overwhelming, consider grounding exercises, such as focusing on your five senses—what you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell at the moment. This can help anchor you in the present and prevent your mind from spiraling into worst-case scenarios.

After the hearing, practice self-care. Engage in activities that help you relax, like a walk, listening to music, or talking to someone you trust. If this anxiety persists or intensifies, seeking support from a mental health professional can help you develop more personalized coping strategies.

I

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My boyfriend is of a complete different religion and caste as mine. We met at work. In my past i have had only one relationship in which i got cheated on....so was skeptical on dating again. Now its been 8 months in this new relationship where he convinced me to give a try. He's a gem of a person but now he is telling melive in the present i dont know about the future. I love you n want to date you but idk about the future if my family wants me with someone i may have to end this. What do i do i am so attached for he has given me all the love n care. Please help
Ans: Right now, you need to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you’re looking for a committed future and he’s unsure, it’s essential to recognize that this uncertainty may continue to cause you pain. If you choose to stay, prepare yourself for the possibility that his family might influence his decision, and it could end in heartbreak. On the other hand, if you feel that the love and care he’s giving you right now are worth the risk, then decide to cherish the present moment while being mentally prepared for whatever may come.

Have an open and heartfelt conversation with him. Let him know how his uncertainty makes you feel, without pressuring him for a commitment. This isn’t about forcing him to decide but about understanding each other’s emotional needs and boundaries. If he truly values the relationship, this conversation might give him a deeper perspective on how his indecision affects you.

It’s important to protect your emotional well-being. If his stance remains the same and you find yourself growing more anxious and hurt by the uncertainty, then you might have to consider whether staying is good for your mental and emotional health. Sometimes letting go, even when it hurts, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 12, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My wife 55 is unable to cope up with death of our elder son aged 27 around 2 yrs ago and is always in deep regress remorse uninterested in any daily chores including sex. I wish to move on .. Suggest way out...
Ans: Two years might seem like a long time, but grief doesn’t follow a timeline. For some, it can take much longer to even begin the process of healing, especially when it involves the loss of a child. It’s not unusual for grief to cause a complete shutdown, and that’s likely what’s happening with your wife. She’s stuck in a cycle of regret and remorse, unable to find a way out.

While you also carry the weight of this loss, your need to move forward is natural. It’s crucial to understand that wanting to heal and live again doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or dishonoring your son. It simply means you’re choosing life amidst the pain. The challenge is to find a way to do that without feeling guilty and without leaving your wife behind.

Encouraging her to seek professional help, such as grief counseling or therapy, could be a significant step. If she’s resistant, consider starting therapy for yourself first. Sometimes when one partner begins to heal, it opens the door for the other to consider healing too. Couples grief counseling could also provide a safe space for both of you to express your pain and find a way forward together.

Patience and understanding are crucial, but so is communication. Gently express to her how much you miss her presence and how you’re struggling too. Let her know you want to find a way to live again while still honoring your son’s memory.

Moving on doesn’t mean moving away from your son’s memory—it means learning to carry it in a way that doesn’t consume you. It’s a delicate balance, and seeking support can help you both find it.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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