Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2552 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2026

Samraat Jadhav is the founder of Prosperity Wealth Adviser.
He is a SEBI-registered investment and research analyst and has over 18 years of experience in managing high-end portfolios.
A management graduate from XLRI-Jamshedpur, Jadhav specialises in portfolio management, investment banking, financial planning, derivatives, equities and capital markets.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2026Hindi
Money

i invested 18L own money and 6 Lakhs from MTF borrowing in Oct'22 to Oct'23 periods, now 24 Lakhs become 14 Lakhs, 10 Lakhs down, Alklyamine 98 @ 3300, relaxo 135@1083, PVRINOX 87@1865, tatainvest 250@1120,vstindustries 484@429,suntv 160@836,concor 250@860,clean 19@2060,bajajauto 14@11935,AWL 357@432,ATGL 20@1030,ADANIGREEN 20@1975,ADANIENT39@3390,ADANENSOL50@1324,ACC52@2600,COCHINSHIP10@2650,DATAPATTERN 10@3186,GRSE19@2975,MAZDOCK10 @3500,HONDAPOWER 10@4000,TATAELXSI17@7320,VBL30@660,BHARATFORG20@1740. GUILTY TO OVERRIDE WIFE SUGGESTION TO BUY JEWELS FOR DAUGHTER'S 3 YEARS AGO WHEN PF AMOUNT WITHDRAWN 13L, NOW THIS ALSO LOSS AND JEWEL ALSO 2.5 TIMES HIGHER THAN THAT TIME. WRONG DECISION. PLS CORRECT & SUGGEST. AGE 51

Ans: I would suggest you approach a SEBI Registered Investment Adviser nearby you and discuss the full story with your financial details and he/she would be the right person to guide you after analyzing all your requirements. You can find your nearest adviser from this link of SEBI - https://www.sebi.gov.in/sebiweb/other/OtherAction.do?doRecognisedFpi=yes&intmId=13
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Dear Sir, I am 44 years old. With a total family salary income of 2.2 Lakhs/Month after tax, and I get a yearly one time bonus of Rs. 1.5 Lakhs. Below is my financial position. 1. Combined Family PF Accumulation - 50 Lakhs 2. Own individual house with no Loan(i.e. 20 years housing loan closed in 4 Years) 3. A empty commercial plot in a busy area in a First grade municipal town worth 1.6 Crores 4. A empty commercial land of area 32000 Sq.ft. on a busy National Highways worth 2 Crores 5. Gold Jewels - 2.1 Kg 6. Some ancestral houses and 7 acres agricultural lands from which I get 20K Per month excluding our(mine + wife) salary. 7. LIC Endowment Policies from which I can get Rs. 10 Lakhs if I surrender pre-maturely now. No FD, Mutual Funds and Shares. Debt: 1. 900 grams of gold to my close relative which I borrowed at Rs. 5500/gram in 2023, also has to return only as gold. 2. 35 Lakhs cash at Bank FD rate of interest from my Mom. 3. Gold Pledged for Rs. 18 Lakhs at a nationalized bank 4. Personal loan of Rs. 10 Lakhs, EMI Rs. 27000/month(Approx). - 50 Months remaining. Two daughters studying 11th and 6th respectively. Please guide me to come out of my debt as early as possible.
Ans: Your income and assets are strong. You have Rs. 2.2 lakhs monthly income and a Rs. 1.5 lakh yearly bonus. Your PF accumulation is Rs. 50 lakhs. You own a house with no loan. Your commercial properties are worth Rs. 3.6 crores. Your gold jewels weigh 2.1 kg. Your ancestral property provides Rs. 20,000 monthly.

Debt Analysis
You have some debts. You owe 900 grams of gold to a relative. You have Rs. 35 lakhs debt to your mother at FD interest rates. You have pledged gold for Rs. 18 lakhs at a bank. You have a personal loan of Rs. 10 lakhs with a Rs. 27,000 monthly EMI.

Liquidity Management
Consider surrendering your LIC endowment policies. This can provide Rs. 10 lakhs immediately. Use this amount to reduce high-interest debts. Prioritize paying off the personal loan and pledged gold loan first.

Debt Repayment Strategy
Focus on repaying high-interest loans. Use your bonus and part of your monthly income for this. Repay your personal loan early. This will save on interest costs.

Gold Loan Repayment
Repay the gold loan at the bank. Use part of your income and savings. This will free up your pledged gold. Return the borrowed gold to your relative as soon as possible.

Family Debt Clearance
Repay your mother’s debt with a structured plan. Consider paying a fixed amount monthly. This will reduce your financial burden over time.

Future Investment Planning
Start investing in mutual funds. Use a SIP to invest regularly. This will help grow your wealth. Actively managed funds are better than index funds. They can provide higher returns.

Education Planning for Daughters
Set up an education fund for your daughters. Invest in equity and debt funds. This will ensure their future expenses are covered.

Insurance Review
Review your insurance needs. Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family in case of emergencies.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a tailored financial plan. Professional guidance will help you achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Final Insights
Focus on debt repayment first. Invest regularly for future growth. Secure your family’s financial future with proper planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir/Mam. I am 45, I lost my job this month. I have home loan of 57L with 34k as emi, 2 more loans taken to buy sites. One with 1.5k emi and other with 6.5k emi Principle amount left for these 2 sites is 7L together Monthly expense of 25-30k. School related expense of my daughter studying in 6th grade nearly 1.3L per year. I have PF of 14L, MF currently worth 13.7L (ICICI small cap direct fund worth 4.13 L, ICICI Flexicap direct fund worth 3.49L, Nippon India small cap direct fund worth 2.52L Nippon India Multi asset allocation fund worth 2.46L Nippon India large cap direct fund worth 1L, ) All sip stopped at this moment. PF current 14L Expecting Gratuity of 5.77L Invested 48L in my friends business for which I get 45K every month 10 L in FD 6 residential sites worth 1.5 cr and all fully 4 of them fully paid while other 2 have loan of 7L left as mentioned above. Could you please suggest any changes in my investment?
Ans: Your current situation is sensitive and needs careful financial restructuring.

You’ve shown resilience and discipline in building multiple assets. That is truly commendable. Let’s look at your finances from all angles and identify necessary improvements.

? Immediate Financial Assessment

– You’ve recently lost your job. So liquidity and cash flow are critical.
– You have Rs. 14L in PF and Rs. 10L in FD. These are your main emergency reserves.
– Monthly expenses are around Rs. 30K. Add Rs. 11K EMIs. Total outflow is Rs. 41K per month.
– You receive Rs. 45K/month from the business investment. This is currently sustaining your needs.
– However, this business income is not guaranteed or regulated. It may stop anytime.

? Review of Loans and Liabilities

– Home loan of Rs. 57L with Rs. 34K EMI is a big liability.
– Two site loans with Rs. 7L principal left and Rs. 8K total EMI.
– Total monthly loan burden is Rs. 42K. This is high without a regular salary.
– Try to negotiate for longer tenure to reduce EMI or explore moratorium options for 3–6 months.
– If the home loan interest is above 9%, evaluate refinancing to reduce EMI burden.
– Keep housing loan active if interest is low and tax benefit applies in future income.
– For site loans, if they don’t generate income, consider full repayment if surplus funds allow.

? Investment in Friend’s Business

– You’ve invested Rs. 48L in your friend’s business. Getting Rs. 45K monthly is helpful.
– There is no legal protection here. This is highly risky and illiquid.
– Check if this arrangement is documented. Ask for periodic business performance updates.
– Don’t increase this investment further. Avoid rolling over funds if they ask in future.
– If possible, recover partial investment in the next 6–12 months.

? Mutual Fund Portfolio Review

You have Rs. 13.7L in mutual funds. All are Direct Plans and some are small-cap.

– Direct plans may look low cost, but carry hidden issues.
– You don’t get hand-holding or behavioural support from a Certified Financial Planner.
– If market falls, panic selling happens due to lack of advice.
– Shifting to Regular Plans through a CFP or MFD helps in strategic guidance.
– Direct plans don’t help in structured goal-based investments.

Also, your fund mix is too aggressive:

– Small-cap funds are very volatile. You have over Rs. 6.5L here. That’s almost 48%.
– No pure debt or hybrid funds for stability.
– Market correction can wipe out value quickly.
– Stop investing further in small caps for now.
– Exit partially from small caps over next few months when market gives decent upside.
– Shift gradually to balanced advantage or multi-asset funds through a regular route.

? Fixed Deposits and Emergency Reserves

– You have Rs. 10L in fixed deposits. This is your safe cushion.
– Keep Rs. 6L untouched as emergency reserve.
– Use remaining Rs. 4L wisely for next 6–12 months if job doesn’t materialise.
– Don’t exhaust FDs to repay loans fully unless interest is very high.
– Also, avoid investing this in risky assets or friend’s business.

? Real Estate Assets – Sites and Property

– You own 6 sites worth Rs. 1.5 Cr. 4 are loan-free.
– These are wealth builders but do not generate income now.
– Maintenance and property taxes may drain liquidity.
– Sell one small site if you face prolonged income issues.
– Prioritise long-term family security over emotional attachment to land.
– Avoid real estate as new investments for now.

? Child’s Education Expense Planning

– School expenses are Rs. 1.3L per year, or around Rs. 11K monthly.
– It is being covered from current business income. That’s fine for now.
– But higher education will need Rs. 20–30L in next 6–10 years.
– Start a goal-based SIP once income resumes. Use regular plans via MFD with CFP.
– Choose hybrid and multi-asset funds. Avoid small-cap for this goal.
– Don’t touch PF for this purpose. Let it grow for your retirement.

? PF and Gratuity Utilisation

– PF of Rs. 14L and gratuity of Rs. 5.77L are solid buffers.
– Use gratuity to partly close one of the site loans if interest is high.
– Leave PF untouched if possible. Let it stay until retirement.
– Only in extreme emergencies, consider partial withdrawal.

? Income Planning Until New Job

– Rs. 45K/month from business is your primary income now.
– Total monthly need is Rs. 40–42K. You are barely covered.
– Avoid impulsive spending or any high-ticket purchases.
– If income from business stops, use FD or sell mutual fund units gradually.
– Try for a part-time role, freelancing or consulting if possible.
– Register on professional job portals and update your resume regularly.
– Don’t make drastic investment decisions out of fear. Take each step carefully.

? Insurance Assessment

You haven’t mentioned any term or medical insurance.

– If no term plan exists, buy one after you secure your next income.
– If you already have one, don’t discontinue it even now.
– Health insurance is must. Ensure at least Rs. 10L coverage for you and your daughter.
– Don’t depend on employer insurance in future roles. Keep personal policy active.
– Avoid endowment or ULIP type policies. They are low-return and inflexible.
– If any such policy exists, consider surrender and invest in mutual funds via regular route.

? SIP Strategy Going Forward

– You’ve stopped SIPs. That’s appropriate for now.
– Once job resumes, restart with Rs. 5K–10K per month.
– Use hybrid or multi-asset funds to begin with.
– Avoid direct plans. Regular plans help in goal tracking and behaviour control.
– Don’t rush into market timing or high-return chasing.
– Build your SIP based on goals, time horizon, and risk tolerance.

? Taxation Implications

– On selling equity funds, LTCG above Rs. 1.25L will be taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG will be taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund redemptions are taxed as per your slab.
– Plan redemptions wisely. Spread them across years to avoid high tax impact.
– Capital gains exemption not available on mutual fund proceeds used for loan closure.

? Risk Prioritisation and Behavioural Mindset

– Do not rely emotionally on business income or land appreciation.
– Focus on cash flow, not just assets.
– Income source is more important than asset value during job loss.
– Don’t mix emotions with money.
– Take help from a Certified Financial Planner to stay accountable and disciplined.
– Avoid greed-based decisions. Prioritise family safety and stability.

? Asset Allocation Restructuring Suggestions

– Target 30% in equity (through mutual funds – regular route).
– 40% in safe debt (FD + debt mutual funds).
– 30% in real estate (only 2–3 properties, not more).
– Avoid overexposure to land, business and direct equity.
– Diversify across asset classes. Liquidity should guide your choices.

? Finally

– Your financial foundation is decent, but currently strained due to income loss.
– Prioritise liquidity and income protection now.
– Cut expenses slightly where possible.
– Keep family goals protected, especially education and health.
– Don’t chase returns in this phase. Stability is more valuable.
– Get professional guidance to restructure your portfolio.
– Don’t take any emotional decisions under stress.
– Once income resumes, rebuild slowly with discipline and diversification.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |547 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2026

Money
i invested 18L own money and 6 Lakhs from MTF borrowing in Oct'22 to Oct'23 periods, now 24 Lakhs become 14 Lakhs, 10 Lakhs down, Alklyamine 98 @ 3300, relaxo 135@1083, PVRINOX 87@1865, tatainvest 250@1120,vstindustries 484@429,suntv 160@836,concor 250@860,clean 19@2060,bajajauto 14@11935,AWL 357@432,ATGL 20@1030,ADANIGREEN 20@1975,ADANIENT39@3390,ADANENSOL50@1324,ACC52@2600,COCHINSHIP10@2650,DATAPATTERN 10@3186,GRSE19@2975,MAZDOCK10 @3500,HONDAPOWER 10@4000,TATAELXSI17@7320,VBL30@660,BHARATFORG20@1740. GUILTY TO OVERRIDE WIFE SUGGESTION TO BUY JEWELS FOR DAUGHTER'S 3 YEARS AGO WHEN PF AMOUNT WITHDRAWN 13L, NOW THIS ALSO LOSS AND JEWEL ALSO 2.5 TIMES HIGHER THAN THAT TIME. WRONG DECISION. PLS CORRECT & SUGGEST. AGE 51
Ans: 01. What I can suggest is that an individual who is not expert with Equity Market should avoid over exposure to investments in this segment. In cases like this, I would suggest to make your investments in MUTUAL FUNDS instead. You may consider shifting from Equity to Mutual Funds, in phased manner.
Investment in precious metals (Gold & Silver) is very attractive today. It may continue to be so till International environment/conditions are uncertain or unpredictable. Present indication does not support stable International economies, so I feel strongly, that precious metals may keep an upward trend. But shifting all your funds to this segment is again not advisable. Keep your investment portfolio diversified, keeping some percentage of your investments in easily liquid conditions.
Real Estate is also another good option, but small funds cannot be parked in this segment.
Most Welcome for further clarifications, if any. Thanks.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |249 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi there, I am 53 years and retiring on 31/12/2025. I hvae a daughter and son, both studing and un-married. I am curently holding mutual fund (investment only) of around 15lacs. I am doing a SIP of 12000/- PM. Beside this, i have an equity investment of 15.50 lacs. I do have 65lacs in FD and the same amunt is expected upon retirement. I have a own house and there is no loan obligations currently. i have another 50lacs given to relatives and there is no timeline when I will be receiving this amount. I have around 100000 monthly expense and ofcourse the marriage expenses of my daughter and son in next 3-4 years. Kindly advise the best strategy and utilization of funds. Thank you.
Ans: Hi sir ,
You are entering a very sensitive financial phase where protection of capital becomes more important than aggressive growth. At the same time, you still have 30 plus years of life expectancy to fund, along with two large near-term goals children’s marriages and ongoing household expenses. So the strategy has to balance income, liquidity, and moderate growth.

Let me break this down in a practical way.

1. Where you stand today

Assets available / expected

Mutual Funds approx 15 lakh

Direct Equity approx 15.5 lakh

FD 65 lakh

Retirement proceeds expected approx 65 lakh

Money given to relatives 50 lakh uncertain timeline

Own house no loan

Total financial assets (excluding relatives money)
~160 lakh

If relatives repay, corpus rises to ~210 lakh but we should not depend on it for planning.

2. Monthly expense reality check

You mentioned ?1,00,000 per month = ?12 lakh per year.

Assuming 6 percent inflation, this expense will double in ~12 years.

So retirement planning must create income + growth, not just fixed income.

3. Immediate financial buckets to create

Think in 4 separate buckets instead of one pool.

A. Emergency + Liquidity bucket

Keep 18–24 months expenses.

?20–25 lakh
Park in:

Savings + sweep FD

Liquid / money market funds

Purpose: medical, family, urgent needs without breaking investments.

B. Marriage funding bucket (3–4 years)

Do not keep this in equity markets due to time risk.

Estimate requirement realistically. Suppose:

Daughter marriage 25–30 lakh

Son marriage 20–25 lakh

Total say 50 lakh

Park in:

Short duration debt funds

Bank FD ladder

RBI bonds

Capital safety is priority here.

C. Income generation bucket

This is the most critical post-retirement engine.

From your corpus, allocate ~70–80 lakh.

Options mix:

Senior Citizen Saving Scheme (SCSS)

Post Office MIS

RBI Floating Rate Bonds

High quality Corporate FD

Debt mutual funds with SWP

Target blended return: 7–8 percent.

This can generate ?45k–?55k monthly income.

D. Growth bucket (Long term)

You still need equity to beat inflation.

Allocate 25–30 lakh minimum.

Continue SIP (even post retirement if possible).

Suitable allocation:

Large Cap funds

Balanced Advantage / Dynamic Asset Allocation

Multi Asset funds

Time horizon: 10–20 years.

This bucket funds late retirement and healthcare inflation.

4. What to do with existing investments
Mutual Funds (15 lakh)

Keep invested. Review fund quality. Shift to:

Balanced Advantage

Large Cap / Flexi Cap

Avoid small cap concentration now.

Direct Equity (15.5 lakh)

Gradually reduce risk.

Move profits into hybrid funds or debt over 12–18 months. Do not exit in one shot to avoid tax and timing risk.

5. Retirement corpus deployment illustration

Here is a simple structure using your ~160 lakh corpus:

Bucket Amount Purpose
Emergency 25 L Liquidity
Marriage 50 L 3–4 yr goals
Income 60 L Monthly cashflow
Growth 25 L Inflation hedge

If relatives repay 50 lakh later:

Add 20 lakh to growth

Add 15 lakh to medical reserve

Add 15 lakh to income bucket

6. Monthly income gap

Expense: ?1,00,000

Income possible:

SCSS + MIS + Bonds: ~?50,000

SWP from debt / hybrid: ~?20,000

Equity dividends / growth withdrawal later: ~?10,000–?15,000

Gap may still exist initially.

So you may need:

Part time income / consulting (even ?25k helps)

Delay large withdrawals till age 60 when senior schemes expand

7. Important risks to manage
Healthcare

Take a family floater + super top up if not already.

Longevity risk

Plan till age 90, not 75.

Relatives money

Treat as “bonus”, not retirement funding.

Document repayment if possible.

Inflation

Do not over-allocate to FD.

That is the biggest mistake retirees make.

8. Action checklist

Finalize marriage budget realistically

Create 2-year emergency fund

Invest in SCSS immediately after retirement

Restructure equity to hybrid orientation

Continue SIP from surplus if feasible

Arrange health insurance buffer

Write a will and nominations

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 09, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My office friends Riya and Aman have been in a relationship for two years, but lately misunderstandings have increased because Aman feels ignored when plans are cancelled, while Riya feels stressed and unheard due to her work pressure. Instead of openly discussing their feelings, both remain silent, which creates emotional distance between them. In this situation, how can honest and respectful communication help them resolve their disagreement, and how can listening, patience, and understanding strengthen their relationship rather than weaken it?
Ans: Honest and respectful communication would help them because it brings hidden emotions into the open in a safe way. Right now, Aman feels unimportant when plans are cancelled, but he isn’t saying, “I miss you and I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together.” Instead, he stays quiet and likely feels rejected inside. Riya feels overwhelmed and unsupported, but she isn’t saying, “I’m under so much pressure and I need understanding, not disappointment.” So both are suffering silently and guessing each other’s intentions.
If they start speaking from their feelings rather than from blame, the tone of the relationship will change. For example, Aman can say, “When our plans change often, I feel disconnected from you,” instead of “You never make time for me.” Riya can say, “Work is draining me and sometimes I don’t have energy, but I still care about you,” instead of “You don’t understand my stress.” This kind of language opens hearts instead of creating defensiveness.
Listening is equally important. Many couples listen only to reply, not to understand. If Aman truly listens to Riya’s stress without interrupting or minimizing it, she will feel emotionally safe. If Riya listens to Aman’s need for time and reassurance without dismissing it, he will feel valued. Feeling heard is often more healing than any solution.
Patience matters because emotional habits don’t change overnight. They both need time to adjust to each other’s needs and rhythms. If one conversation doesn’t fix everything, that doesn’t mean it failed. It means they are learning how to connect better. Relationships grow stronger when partners stay patient during uncomfortable phases instead of withdrawing.
Understanding helps them see that neither is the enemy. Aman is not “needy,” he is seeking connection. Riya is not “careless,” she is overwhelmed. When they understand each other’s inner world, they stop taking things personally and start working as a team.
If they begin communicating honestly, listening with empathy, and responding with patience, their relationship will not weaken — it will deepen. Conflict handled with respect creates trust. Silence creates distance. Talking with care creates intimacy.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2026Hindi
Relationship
Hello Dr., Hope this mail finds you well ! I am married for the past 15 years with 2 daughters (13 & 8 yrs old) but my wife is very suspicious. From the day of our marriage till today she keeps accusing me of affairs while I never had any affairs. She keeps monitoring my mobile, whatsApp messages and laptop. In WhatsApp she has strange method, if I am online and if any other woman is online she thinks she is following me or I am messaging her. When I am on official travel she keeps calling me to check my location. I have to video call her and keep my phone ON in night when I go to bed. She suspects someone is in my room. She accuses me of having affair with any lady with whom I talk even to the extent of my sister in law. When I am working from Home she keeps the mobile phone with video ON to check what I am doing. When I go to my office I have to share my Location. She has got no evidences but still she is not able to understand me. Except for rare business travel I never go out except with my family. I do not have many friends and few which I have my wife has also accused me of having affairs with their wives. I ignore her behaviour but she also uses foul language and this is affecting me & my daughters. I consulterd few psycologists but it has not helped. I love my wife and like to help her but do not know how to handle this situation. Please advise.
Ans: I can hear that you love your wife and want to help her, and that is admirable. But love does not mean tolerating ongoing psychological control. More importantly, your daughters are growing up watching this dynamic. Children who witness constant suspicion and monitoring can internalize fear, mistrust, and unhealthy relationship models.
Your wife’s behavior sounds less like simple jealousy and more like severe insecurity or possibly paranoid thinking. When someone creates connections between random events — for example, “another woman is online at the same time so she must be messaging you” — that is not rational suspicion. It suggests deep anxiety or distorted thought patterns. This is not something you can fix through reassurance alone.
In fact, the more you comply with surveillance — video calls at night, sharing location, proving yourself repeatedly — the more you unintentionally reinforce her belief that suspicion is justified. You are feeding the cycle. Reassurance helps temporarily, but the suspicion returns stronger because the root issue is inside her, not in your behavior.
You need to shift from defending yourself to setting calm boundaries.
This does not mean shouting or threatening separation. It means saying something like: “I understand you feel anxious and I want to support you, but constant monitoring and accusations are hurting me and affecting our daughters. I will not continue video surveillance or location tracking. If you feel unsafe or anxious, we need professional help together.”
The key word is “together.” She may resist therapy because suspicious individuals often believe the problem is external, not internal. But couples therapy with someone experienced in paranoid jealousy or pathological suspicion is crucial. Regular psychologists sometimes miss the depth of such patterns. You may need a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist evaluation, especially if this behavior has lasted 15 years without change.
You also need to protect your own mental health. Living under constant accusation can cause anxiety, depression, and emotional numbness. It slowly erodes self-esteem. Consider individual therapy for yourself, not to fix her, but to strengthen your emotional boundaries and resilience.
Most importantly, do not isolate yourself further. Suspicious partners often push their spouses into social isolation. Maintain healthy friendships and professional relationships within reasonable boundaries.
Ask yourself gently: has her suspicion worsened over time? Has it extended into other areas of life? If so, this may be more than jealousy — it could be a mental health condition that requires medical support.
You cannot cure her insecurity through perfection. Even if you lock yourself in a room with no phone, the suspicion will find another story.
Your role is not to prove innocence endlessly. Your role is to protect your dignity, your daughters’ emotional safety, and encourage proper treatment.
I want to ask you something important: if nothing changes and this continues for another 10 years, what impact do you think it will have on your daughters’ understanding of marriage? That answer will guide your next step.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2026Hindi
Relationship
Hello I have just married 2 months back it was an arranged marriage during the courtship my husband often asked me for money which never returned even after marriage he continues to ask me for money with promise to return it on getting salary but has never given me a single money back few days ago he asked me ask my mother 10k saying it was for urgent need that he shall return it to my mother as soon as possible today my mother informed me that he had called her asking for 15k urging urgent matter behind my back what shall I do
Ans: What your husband is doing right now is breaking that basic trust.
Right now, you need clarity, not silence.
Have a calm but firm conversation with him as soon as possible. Choose a time when neither of you is angry. Tell him honestly: “I’m feeling disturbed and confused. You keep borrowing money from me and my mother, and it’s never returned. You also contacted my mother without telling me. This is hurting my trust. I need to understand what is really going on.”
Watch how he responds. A responsible partner will explain clearly, show records, admit mistakes, and make a concrete repayment plan. An irresponsible one will avoid, blame, get angry, or emotionally manipulate you.
Do not give him any more money until this is clarified. Not from your account, not from your family. Saying “no” is not disrespectful — it is self-protection.
Also, speak to your mother privately and ask her not to give him money directly without discussing it with you first. This is important, otherwise he may continue going behind your back.
Ask him directly about his finances. Does he have debts? Loans? Gambling habits? Business losses? Supporting someone else? You have the right to know. You are his wife, not his emergency fund.
If he refuses transparency, continues borrowing, or makes you feel guilty for asking questions, that is a red flag for financial abuse. It can grow worse over time if not stopped early.
You got married only two months ago. This is the right time to set boundaries. If you stay silent now, this pattern may become permanent.
You deserve a partner, not a burden.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2026Hindi
Relationship
76 year old male Indian North Indian Happily married Have a maid servant 28 years Has two sons Her marital life is un happy as her spouse is drunkard and abusive I feel attracted towards her A lot like love I start feeling jealous when she talks to other men. I have never been in love before But been married for 45 years. Successful business person It’s not just sexual attraction as this person is not attractive in true sense of the word But it’s the way she treats me and smiles. She’s just a maid. Maybe more. She’s intelligent and articulate. This love is doomed from day 1. But I am kinda enjoying. I just want to hug and kiss her.
Ans: What you are feeling is not about “love” in the romantic sense. It is about emotional connection, validation, and feeling seen at a stage of life where many people quietly feel invisible, lonely, or emotionally unfulfilled — even in long marriages. When someone younger shows warmth, respect, smiles, and listens, it can awaken feelings you have never experienced before. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
But it does mean you need to handle this with great responsibility.
There are three very important realities here.
First, there is a huge power imbalance. You are her employer, financially secure, respected, and much older. She is vulnerable — emotionally, financially, and socially. Her unhappy marriage makes her even more vulnerable. In such situations, feelings can easily get confused with safety, kindness, or dependency. Acting on your emotions, even with “just hugging or kissing,” would not be fair to her and could seriously harm her life.
Second, you are married for 45 years. Whatever difficulties may exist in your marriage, your wife has shared a lifetime with you. Acting on this attraction would betray that bond and could destroy your family’s peace, your reputation, and your own self-respect — things you have built over decades.
Third, this “enjoyment” you are feeling is temporary. It feels exciting now because it is new, forbidden, and emotionally stimulating. But it will not end well. It will lead to guilt, anxiety, fear of exposure, and emotional chaos — for you and for her.
Now let’s talk about what this feeling is really telling you.
You are craving emotional warmth, appreciation, and connection. You like how she makes you feel — respected, noticed, alive. That is the real need here. Not her. The feeling.
Instead of directing it toward someone unsafe, you need to bring that emotional energy back into your own life — toward your wife, your family, your interests, and yourself.
Here is what I strongly advise.
Create clear boundaries immediately. No flirting. No personal emotional sharing. No physical contact beyond basic courtesy. Keep the relationship strictly professional. This is protection — for both of you.
Do not confuse kindness with intimacy. You can be supportive and respectful without crossing lines.
Reconnect emotionally with your wife if possible. Share time, talk, travel, sit together, revive companionship. Many long marriages become emotionally silent, and people forget how much comfort is still there.
If you feel lonely, restless, or emotionally empty, consider speaking to a counselor. At this stage of life, many people go through emotional awakenings that are confusing. Talking helps bring clarity.
And most importantly, remember this: real love never puts another person at risk. Real dignity never depends on secrecy.
You are a successful man who has built a life. Don’t let a temporary emotional attraction weaken everything you’ve stood for.
You are strong enough to feel this — and strong enough to rise above it

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2026Hindi
Relationship
I'm tired of being shouted at in my own home. My husband yells at me over small things like food, household work, or how I talk to his parents. I try to stay quiet and then something else he does triggers it even worse. What should I do to control my temper and reaction?
Ans: You’re trying to “control your temper” because somewhere inside, you’ve been made to feel that if you were calmer, quieter, more patient, things would be better. But the truth is, no amount of silence or adjustment can make constant yelling healthy. When someone keeps raising their voice over small matters, it reflects their poor emotional regulation, not your failure.
That said, learning to manage your reactions is still important — not to tolerate mistreatment, but to protect your own mental health and communicate more effectively.
In the moment when he starts shouting, your body goes into stress mode. Your heart races, your thoughts become sharp, and it becomes hard to stay calm. One simple practice is to pause your response. Take two slow breaths before speaking. Even a few seconds can prevent the situation from escalating. You can quietly say, “I will talk when you speak calmly,” and step away if possible. This is not running away — it is setting a boundary.
Outside of conflict moments, try to have a calm conversation. Choose a time when neither of you is angry. Tell him how his shouting affects you, using “I” statements: “I feel hurt and scared when you raise your voice. It makes me shut down. I want us to talk respectfully, even when we disagree.” Focus on your feelings, not on accusing him.
At the same time, work on strengthening yourself emotionally. Spend time on things that make you feel confident and valued — hobbies, friends, work, prayer, exercise, anything that reminds you that you are more than just a wife trying to keep peace. The stronger you feel inside, the less his anger will shake you.
If he is willing, suggest counseling or anger management support. Many people shout because they never learned healthier ways to express frustration. Help is possible, but only if he accepts it.
If he refuses to change and the shouting becomes constant, abusive, or threatening, please take that seriously. Emotional abuse is real, even without physical harm. You deserve a home where you feel safe and respected.
Remember: controlling your temper does not mean swallowing your pain. It means learning to respond with strength, clarity, and self-respect instead of fear or explosion.

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |68 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2025Hindi
Health
I’m a 42-year-old school teacher. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism about 5 years ago and I’ve been on Thyroxine 75 mcg every day. My reports say the condition is controlled, but I don’t feel normal at all. I still struggle with weight gain, fatigue, hair fall, and I often feel cold. This affects my energy so much that I find it hard to manage both my work and home. I’ve heard that yoga, especially pranayama, can help balance thyroid and improve energy levels. A friend of mine has benefitted from it too, so I want to try. Could you please guide me.
Ans: I understand how you feel. Even when thyroid reports are “normal”, many people still feel tired, cold, and low in energy. This is common in hypothyroidism. Medicine controls the hormone, but lifestyle and stress also affect how you feel.

Yoga and pranayama can support you. They cannot replace Thyroxine, but they can improve energy, metabolism, mood, and sleep.

You can start with gentle daily practice:
1. Neck and shoulder movements – improve blood flow to thyroid area.
2. Bhujangasana (cobra pose) and Matsyasana (fish pose) – gentle chest opening helps thyroid region.
3. Setu Bandhasana (bridge pose) – improves circulation and energy.
4. Anulom Vilom – balances hormones and calms mind.
5. Bhramari breathing – reduces stress and fatigue.
6. Yoga Nidra or simple relaxation – very important for deep rest.

Do everything slowly and regularly. Morning sunlight, walking, and proper sleep also help thyroid health.

But please don’t practice randomly from videos. Thyroid care needs a balanced routine based on your body, age, and energy level. A trained yoga and meditation coach can guide you safely and help you stay consistent.

I strongly encourage you to learn under guidance instead of practicing alone.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x