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40-year-old: How to invest Rs. 4 lac for 15 years for son's education and own retirement?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Devashish Question by Devashish on Aug 04, 2024Hindi
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I want to invest a lumpsum of Rs. 4 lac for a period of 15 years for son higher education and also retirement plan. Please suggest. I am 40 and my son is 5 year old. Regards Devashish

Ans: Investing a lump sum for your son’s higher education and your retirement requires careful planning. Given your age and your son’s current age, a 15-year investment horizon provides a good opportunity for growth. Here’s how you can approach this investment in a safe and structured manner.

Investment Strategy for Son’s Education
Diversified Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: These are suitable for long-term growth. They provide potential for higher returns.

Debt Mutual Funds: These add stability to the portfolio. They are less volatile than equity funds.

Systematic Transfer Plan (STP)
Regular Transfers: Use STP to move money from debt to equity funds. This reduces the risk of market timing.

Balanced Allocation: Start with more in debt funds. Gradually move to equity funds over time.

Child Education Plans
Education Focused: These plans are designed for future education needs. They provide both investment and insurance benefits.

Goal-Oriented: Choose plans with specific maturity aligned with your son’s education timeline.

Investment Strategy for Retirement
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Safe and Secure: PPF offers guaranteed returns. It is backed by the government.

Tax Benefits: Contributions are tax-deductible. Interest earned is also tax-free.

National Pension System (NPS)
Retirement-Focused: NPS is designed to build a retirement corpus. It offers equity and debt exposure.

Tax Benefits: Contributions are eligible for tax deductions. Partial withdrawals are allowed for specific purposes.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
Work-Based: If you are salaried, EPF is a good option. It offers secure and stable returns.

Employer Contribution: Employers also contribute to EPF. This boosts your retirement savings.

Combined Strategy
Balanced Portfolio
Diversification: Spread your Rs 4 lakh across different asset classes. This reduces risk and enhances returns.

Regular Monitoring: Review your investments annually. Make adjustments based on performance and goals.

Insurance Cover
Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance. This secures your family’s future in case of any unforeseen events.

Health Insurance: A comprehensive health insurance plan is crucial. It protects your savings from medical emergencies.

Additional Considerations
Inflation Protection
Inflation Impact: Consider inflation while planning. Ensure your investments grow faster than inflation.

Real Returns: Focus on real returns, which are returns minus inflation. This ensures your purchasing power is maintained.

Risk Tolerance
Assess Risk: Understand your risk tolerance. Choose investments that match your risk appetite.

Adjust Over Time: As you get closer to your goal, reduce exposure to risky assets. This ensures safety of the corpus.

Emergency Fund
Safety Net: Maintain an emergency fund. This covers unforeseen expenses without disturbing your investments.

Liquid Assets: Keep this fund in liquid assets like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.

Final Insights
Investing for your son’s education and your retirement requires a balanced approach. Diversify your investments across different asset classes. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay on track with your goals. Ensure you have adequate insurance cover for unforeseen events. Maintaining an emergency fund is also crucial to avoid dipping into your investments during emergencies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 45 years earning 2.1laf per month and investment is 20K per month MF since last six months. PPF(18 lakhs) NpS(7Lakhs)and HDFC policy (9 lakhs) and PF 38 lakhs are my savings still today. I have 2 twin boys studying 2nd standard. Please suggest investment plan for my son's education and retirement plan.
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Position
First, let me appreciate your disciplined approach to saving and investing. You earn Rs. 2.1 lakh per month and already invest Rs. 20,000 per month in mutual funds. Your existing savings in PPF (Rs. 18 lakhs), NPS (Rs. 7 lakhs), an HDFC policy (Rs. 9 lakhs), and PF (Rs. 38 lakhs) are commendable. This demonstrates a strong foundation for future financial goals, including your sons' education and your retirement.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your current investments provide a mix of safety, tax benefits, and potential growth. Here’s a breakdown:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): With Rs. 18 lakhs, PPF offers tax-free returns and safety. However, its long lock-in period limits liquidity.

National Pension System (NPS): With Rs. 7 lakhs, NPS is good for retirement due to its low-cost structure and tax benefits. But, it's not very liquid and has some equity market exposure.

HDFC Policy: The Rs. 9 lakhs in the HDFC policy should be carefully reviewed. Often, investment-cum-insurance policies offer lower returns due to high charges. You might consider surrendering this policy and reallocating the funds to higher-yielding investments.

Provident Fund (PF): Your PF savings of Rs. 38 lakhs are a solid, risk-free investment with decent returns and tax benefits. This forms a crucial part of your retirement corpus.

Investment Plan for Your Sons' Education
Given your sons are in 2nd standard, you have around 15 years before they start higher education. This time frame allows for a balanced investment strategy that maximises growth while managing risk. Here’s a structured plan:

Step 1: Estimating Future Education Costs
Education costs are rising, and it's crucial to estimate future expenses accurately. Assuming an annual inflation rate of 6% for education costs, let’s calculate the future cost of a four-year course.

Let's assume the current cost of a good quality higher education is around Rs. 10 lakhs per year.

Using the formula for compound interest, Future Value (FV) = Present Value (PV) * (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs. 10 lakhs
r = 6% (0.06)
n = 15 years
FV = 10,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^15 = Rs. 23,96,000 approximately per year

For a four-year course, you will need roughly Rs. 95,84,000 for each son, totalling Rs. 1.92 crores.

Step 2: Investment Strategy
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds: Continue your current SIPs and gradually increase them as your income grows. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds, as professional fund managers aim to outperform the market.

Diversification: Spread investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This will balance risk and growth potential.

Equity-Oriented Child Plans: Consider mutual fund schemes specifically designed for children's future needs. These plans often have a lock-in period, ensuring disciplined saving.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): If your sons were daughters, SSY would be an excellent choice for secure, tax-free returns. Instead, look for similar secure options tailored for boys.

Regular Review: Monitor the performance of your investments annually. Adjust the portfolio based on market conditions and changing financial goals.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning requires a detailed assessment of future expenses, inflation, and life expectancy. Given your current age of 45, you likely have 15-20 years before retirement. Here’s a structured approach:

Step 1: Estimating Retirement Corpus
Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Assuming your current monthly expense is Rs. 1 lakh, and you expect to maintain the same lifestyle:

Consider an inflation rate of 6%.

Using the formula for compound interest, FV = PV * (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs. 1 lakh
r = 6% (0.06)
n = 20 years (till retirement)
FV = 1,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^20 = Rs. 3,21,000 approximately per month

You’ll need to plan for at least 20 years post-retirement. Thus, your annual requirement would be Rs. 3.21 lakhs * 12 = Rs. 38.52 lakhs.

For 20 years, considering the inflation-adjusted returns, you will need a significant corpus.

Step 2: Building the Corpus
Increase Contributions to NPS: Enhance your NPS contributions to benefit from its long-term growth and tax benefits. Diversify your NPS portfolio to include a balanced mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Mutual Funds: Continue with SIPs in diversified mutual funds. Increase the amount periodically. Actively managed funds with a focus on blue-chip stocks can offer stability and growth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Continue contributing to PPF for its tax-free, secure returns. The long-term nature of PPF aligns well with retirement goals.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Maintain and possibly increase your EPF contributions if feasible. EPF offers risk-free, decent returns and is a cornerstone of retirement planning.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Medical costs can erode your savings significantly. A robust health insurance plan safeguards your retirement corpus.

Step 3: Adjusting Investment Strategy
Reduce Equity Exposure Gradually: As you near retirement, gradually shift from equity to debt funds. This reduces risk and ensures capital preservation.

Diversify: Include debt funds, balanced funds, and government bonds in your portfolio. This provides stability and regular income post-retirement.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to maintain the desired asset allocation and adjust for market changes and personal financial goals.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Opting for regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has several benefits over direct funds:

Professional Guidance: A CFP provides expert advice tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Regular Monitoring: CFPs monitor your portfolio regularly, making necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Comprehensive Planning: CFPs offer holistic financial planning, considering all aspects of your financial life, including taxes, insurance, and estate planning.

Behavioural Coaching: A CFP helps you stay disciplined and avoid emotional investment decisions, which can be detrimental to long-term goals.

Administrative Support: Managing investments can be complex. A CFP handles the paperwork, compliance, and administrative tasks, allowing you to focus on your life and career.

Final Insights
Your disciplined saving and investing habits are commendable. With a well-structured plan, you can comfortably achieve your sons' education and your retirement goals. Focus on increasing your investments gradually, diversifying your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance to optimise returns and manage risks. Remember, regular reviews and adjustments to your financial plan are crucial to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2024

Money
pooja: I am 37 year old Married female. My monthly income is 45k. My monthly expenses are 15k. My monthly savings is RD: 5k. my son is 2 years old and i want to invest money for their higher education for 15-18 years.I need advice on how to use the money to get a medical insurance and to invest in mutual funds.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
First of all, I would like to appreciate your disciplined approach toward savings. With your current monthly income of Rs 45k and expenses of Rs 15k, you are already saving a significant portion of your income. The Rs 5k in a recurring deposit (RD) shows that you are working towards building a safe and steady financial future.

Given that your son is just 2 years old, planning for his higher education over the next 15-18 years is the right step to take now. You also mentioned your desire to secure medical insurance and explore mutual fund investments. Let’s explore both these areas in detail, along with other suggestions to create a 360-degree financial plan for you.

Health Insurance: A Must for Family Protection
Before jumping into investments, it’s crucial to protect your family’s health. Medical emergencies can be costly, and without insurance, they can drain your savings. At 37, the time is ideal to get a comprehensive health insurance policy.

Family Floater Plan: You should consider a family floater health insurance plan. It covers the entire family under one plan. This will include you, your spouse, and your son.

Coverage Amount: A health insurance plan with a coverage of at least Rs 10-15 lakhs is recommended. Given the increasing cost of medical treatments, it is wise to have adequate coverage.

Additional Top-Up Plan: You can also opt for a top-up health plan. It provides additional coverage once the basic limit is exhausted. This is a cost-effective way to increase your coverage.

Critical Illness Coverage: Along with regular health insurance, you might want to consider critical illness coverage. It covers major illnesses like cancer, heart attacks, and kidney failure. Such illnesses lead to high medical costs, and a critical illness plan can help manage them.

Hospital Network: Ensure that the insurance provider has a wide network of hospitals, including those near your residence.

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you in choosing the right insurance plan. They can help you compare premiums and select one that fits your budget while offering adequate coverage.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
Since you want to invest for your son’s education over the next 15-18 years, this is considered a long-term financial goal. For such goals, mutual funds are one of the best investment options. They offer the potential for higher returns, and with a long-term horizon, the power of compounding works in your favor.

Let’s break down the types of mutual funds you should consider and other important aspects.

Actively Managed Mutual Funds Over Index Funds
Given that you have a long-term goal, actively managed mutual funds are preferable to index funds. Index funds, though low-cost, simply follow the market index. This means they offer no protection during market downturns.

Better Performance: Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager who can make changes in the portfolio based on market conditions. This helps in generating better returns than index funds.

Risk Management: The fund manager can shift investments to safer assets during a market downturn, reducing risk.

In contrast, index funds will simply follow the ups and downs of the market. They do not have any risk management strategy. Hence, actively managed funds are a better option, especially for long-term investments like your son’s education.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through a Certified Financial Planner
When investing in mutual funds, you might come across the option of investing in direct or regular funds. While direct funds come with a lower expense ratio, they require you to handle everything on your own. This can be tricky, especially if you don’t have in-depth knowledge of the market.

Expert Guidance: By investing through a CFP, you get expert advice. They help you choose the best-performing funds, rebalance your portfolio, and align your investments with your goals.

Regular Monitoring: A CFP will regularly review your investments, ensuring they are on track to meet your goals. They can make necessary adjustments based on market conditions.

Direct funds may seem like a good option because of lower costs, but the lack of professional guidance can lead to poor decision-making. The benefits of regular funds, managed with the help of a CFP, far outweigh the slight cost difference.

Mutual Funds for Your Son’s Education
Since your son’s education is a long-term goal, equity mutual funds are the best choice. Over a period of 15-18 years, equity markets have historically delivered higher returns than debt instruments.

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have the potential to deliver high returns. Since you have a long investment horizon, the volatility of the stock market will be averaged out.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: If you prefer a bit of safety, balanced or hybrid funds can be a good choice. They invest in both equity and debt, giving you the growth potential of equity while providing some stability through debt.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Instead of investing a lump sum, you should invest through a SIP. This allows you to invest a fixed amount every month. SIPs benefit from rupee-cost averaging, where you buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

By starting a SIP in equity mutual funds now, you’ll be able to build a substantial corpus by the time your son is ready for higher education.

Building an Education Corpus
Let’s now focus on building a sizeable education corpus for your son. You mentioned that your monthly income is Rs 45k, and after expenses, you can save Rs 5k in an RD. To achieve your education goal, consider increasing the amount you invest.

Increase Monthly Savings: Consider increasing your monthly savings from Rs 5k to Rs 10k-15k. This will accelerate your investment growth and help you meet your education goal more effectively.

Diversification: Apart from equity mutual funds, you can also invest in debt mutual funds for a portion of your portfolio. This will provide stability to your investments, especially when your goal approaches.

Review Periodically: Every year, review your portfolio. As you get closer to your goal, you can shift a portion of your investments to safer instruments like debt funds or fixed deposits. This will protect your corpus from market volatility.

Emergency Fund: A Safety Net
It’s important to have an emergency fund before making long-term investments. An emergency fund helps cover unexpected expenses without touching your investments.

3-6 Months of Expenses: Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months of your monthly expenses. In your case, this would be around Rs 45k to Rs 90k.

Keep It Liquid: Your emergency fund should be easily accessible. A good option is to keep it in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. This will provide quick access to funds while earning some interest.

An emergency fund acts as a safety net, ensuring that you don’t have to dip into your long-term investments during a financial crisis.

Life Insurance: Protecting Your Family’s Future
As a mother, it’s essential to secure your family’s financial future in case of any unfortunate event. A life insurance policy can help provide for your child’s future even in your absence.

Term Insurance: The most suitable type of life insurance is a term insurance policy. It offers a high sum assured at an affordable premium.

Adequate Coverage: Your life insurance coverage should be at least 10-12 times your annual income. With an income of Rs 45k per month, you should consider a coverage of Rs 60-70 lakhs.

Avoid mixing insurance with investment. Investment-cum-insurance products like ULIPs or endowment policies often offer low returns and inadequate coverage. Stick to term insurance for life protection and invest in mutual funds for wealth creation.

Education Inflation: Planning for Rising Costs
Education costs are rising at a rapid rate in India. When planning for your son’s higher education, it’s essential to consider the impact of inflation on education expenses.

Education Costs Double: In India, education costs typically double every 7-10 years. This means that by the time your son is ready for higher education, costs will be significantly higher than they are today.

Plan for Inflation: Ensure that your investments are growing at a rate higher than inflation. Equity mutual funds, over the long term, have historically outpaced inflation, making them ideal for education planning.

By taking inflation into account, you can ensure that your education corpus will be sufficient to cover your son’s higher education expenses.

Financial Planning for Other Life Goals
In addition to planning for your son’s education, it’s important to plan for other life goals. This includes your retirement, purchasing a home, or any other major expense you foresee.

Retirement Planning: Even though your immediate focus is your son’s education, you should also start planning for your retirement. Consider opening a Public Provident Fund (PPF) account or investing in a National Pension System (NPS) to secure your retirement.

Diversify Across Goals: Allocate your investments based on your financial goals. While equity mutual funds can be used for your son’s education, you might want to use safer options like PPF or fixed deposits for other medium-term goals.

A holistic financial plan considers all your life goals and ensures that you have the right investments to achieve each one.

Final Insights
To sum up, you are on the right path with your savings and planning. However, by increasing your monthly investments, securing health insurance, and diversifying your investments into mutual funds, you can further strengthen your financial plan.

Ensure that you review your investments periodically and adjust them based on changing goals or market conditions. With disciplined savings and smart investment choices, you can comfortably meet your financial goals for your son’s education and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:
Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.


Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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