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52 Lakh Mutual Fund Portfolio Owner with 20 Lakh NSC Maturity: Invest in Land or Expand Portfolio?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
shivu Question by shivu on Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir Am holding 52L portfolio of mutual fund,with the investment of 40L with SIP of 50000. Am living in own house. Health insurance coverage upto 15L ULIP insurance upto 20 L Currently I have an NSC matured amount of 20L which will come in Jan 2025. Suggest me for better returns shall I invest in land,or plot Or Shall I distribute in my mutual fund portfoli? Am confused sir Your suggestions help me a lot sir

Ans: Your existing portfolio and investments reflect sound planning. A Rs. 52L mutual fund portfolio with a Rs. 40L investment indicates substantial growth. SIP contributions of Rs. 50,000 per month further strengthen your portfolio for long-term goals.

Living in your own house ensures reduced living costs, while a Rs. 15L health insurance cover provides excellent security against medical emergencies. However, ULIP investments worth Rs. 20L need reassessment for efficiency and returns.

The Rs. 20L from NSC maturing in January 2025 offers a golden opportunity to expand your wealth.

Why Real Estate May Not Be Ideal
1. High Initial Investment and Low Liquidity
Real estate investments demand significant funds upfront.

Selling plots or land can take time, reducing liquidity.

2. Maintenance and Legal Risks
Plots or land require maintenance and incur additional costs.

Legal disputes or encumbrances may cause complications.

3. Unpredictable Returns
Real estate returns are region-specific and may not outpace mutual fund returns.

Long holding periods may dilute the real returns due to inflation.

Why Enhance Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
1. Diversification Opportunities
Mutual funds offer sectoral and geographic diversification.

Broadening your portfolio helps reduce risk and boost returns.

2. Liquidity and Transparency
Mutual funds provide easy entry and exit options.

Regular updates and professional management ensure transparency.

3. Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed equity funds can offer higher returns than fixed assets.

Regular portfolio rebalancing can optimise gains.

4. Flexibility
Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) help stagger investments to reduce timing risks.

Investments align better with market conditions.

Reassessing ULIP Investments
1. Evaluate the Returns
ULIPs mix insurance and investment but may offer moderate returns.

Compare ULIP returns with mutual fund growth over similar periods.

2. Consider Surrendering
If ULIPs underperform, you can consider surrendering after the lock-in period.

Reallocate proceeds to mutual funds for better returns.

Suggested Strategy for Rs. 20L NSC Proceeds
1. Staggered Investment in Mutual Funds
Use an STP to invest the Rs. 20L gradually in equity mutual funds.

This reduces market risk and maximises returns.

2. Focus on Balanced Asset Allocation
Allocate funds to equity, hybrid, and debt mutual funds.

This ensures both growth and stability.

3. Explore Thematic or International Funds
Add funds focusing on specific sectors or global markets.

Diversify beyond traditional equity funds for higher growth potential.

Tax Implications of Mutual Fund Investments
1. Equity Mutual Funds
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan your holding period to optimise tax efficiency.

Finally
Investing in land or plots may not align with your financial goals due to lower liquidity and unpredictable returns. Distributing the Rs. 20L NSC maturity amount into diversified mutual funds will maximise growth and ensure financial flexibility.

Review your ULIP policies and consider shifting funds to mutual funds for better returns. Regularly consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimise your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
Asked on - Dec 06, 2024 | Answered on Dec 06, 2024
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Sir. Additionally linked question With the above investment,tel me the way forward to retire at 46 age. Since I have one kid and other 3 including wife,father and mother are dependent. Suggest me the actions to be performed. By another 6 years I need to perform the work which I am happy example: Doing lecturing Is it possible in my case,your suggestions are valuable
Ans: Early retirement at 46 is achievable with disciplined planning. Your strong financial foundation and clear goals make this possible.

Steps to Secure Financial Independence

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimate your family’s annual expenses, including inflation. Multiply it by 25–30 to derive the retirement corpus needed.

Optimise Your Investments
Focus on equity mutual funds for growth and hybrid funds for stability. Allocate more to high-growth funds now, and gradually shift to conservative funds nearing 46.

Create Passive Income Sources
Use your current portfolio to generate regular income. Balanced advantage funds or SWPs in mutual funds provide steady cash flow.

Emergency and Health Funds
Increase your health insurance coverage to Rs. 25L. Ensure a contingency fund of 1–2 years’ expenses.

Transition to Lecturing

Skill Development
Start preparing by acquiring certifications or gaining expertise in your desired field.

Test the Waters
Take part-time opportunities to gain experience in lecturing before full-time transition.

Family Security

Kid’s Education Corpus
Use the Rs. 8L in SSY and additional investments to secure your child’s education.
Final Insight

Your disciplined savings and diversified portfolio make this goal achievable. A Certified Financial Planner can fine-tune your roadmap.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

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Hi I am 39 years old, I would like to invest in mutual funds. Below is my portfolio Have one Flat worth 1cr and i am staying in that. Have 3 plots each worth 50Lacs. And have loan of 42 Lac Emi is 43000 and expense is 30K. And 2Lac school fee every year for kid one Monthly take home is 1.3Lac Mutual funds have 1Lac investment. PPF 5Lac, PF 21Lac, NPS 10Lac. Sukanya 5Lac. Current Savins EPF 20000pm, NPS - 10000pm, Mutual funds- 8K. Term insurance 1cr, health insurance 10lac i have I would like to create corpus for retirement, kids education and marriage, have two kids 7 and 1 year. Please suggest how to allocate . Following is my Mutual fund portfolio, 1000sip in all categories, large cap, mid cap, small cap, multi and flexi cap, balanced advantage fund.
Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach to financial planning, especially considering your family's future needs and goals. Let's discuss how to allocate your investments to create a solid corpus for retirement, kids' education, and marriage:

• First, let's address your existing assets – your flat and plots. These are valuable assets that can contribute to your overall net worth.
• However, it's crucial not to rely solely on real estate for your investment portfolio diversification.

• With regards to your loans, it's advisable to prioritize paying off high-interest debts, like your loan with a 42 lakh balance.
• By reducing debt, you can free up more funds for investments and increase your financial flexibility.

• Now, let's focus on your monthly expenses, including your child's school fees and other living expenses.
• It's essential to budget wisely and ensure that your investment contributions don't compromise your day-to-day financial stability.

• Your existing investments in PPF, PF, NPS, and Sukanya are commendable. These provide a solid foundation for your financial future.
• You can continue contributing to these instruments while also exploring additional investment avenues to diversify your portfolio.

• Considering your investment horizon and risk tolerance, mutual funds offer an excellent opportunity for long-term growth.
• Your current SIP portfolio across different categories – large cap, mid cap, small cap, multi, and flexi cap – is well-diversified.

• As a Certified Financial Planner, I would suggest reviewing your asset allocation and ensuring it aligns with your financial goals.
• Allocate a portion of your monthly savings towards increasing your SIP contributions to mutual funds, aiming for a balanced mix across categories.

• Additionally, consider increasing your contributions to retirement-focused instruments like NPS, which offer tax benefits and long-term wealth accumulation.
• For your children's education and marriage goals, consider setting up separate SIPs or investment accounts dedicated to these objectives.

• Lastly, ensure you have adequate insurance coverage, including term insurance and health insurance, to protect your family's financial well-being.
• Regularly review your financial plan, adjust as needed, and stay committed to your long-term goals.

By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investments, you'll be well-prepared to achieve your financial aspirations and provide for your family's future needs. Keep up the good work, and remember that consistency and patience are key to success!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I am 35 years old and starting a SIP in mutual funds from next month with a monthly investment of ?50,000. I have selected the following funds and allocated the amount accordingly: Tata Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?5,000/month Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?15,000/month Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Direct Growth – ?20,000/month DSP ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth – ?10,000/month My primary goal is to accumulate approx ?1.5 crore by the 7th year to build a villa. Could you please review my selection and allocation? I would appreciate your suggestions on any modifications or alternative funds to help achieve my target. Looking forward to your valuable advice. Thank you.
Ans: At 35 years, starting a Rs 50,000 SIP monthly is a disciplined approach. Your goal of Rs 1.5 crore in seven years is ambitious, and the current allocation choices are strong. However, let’s assess each fund’s contribution to your goal, while ensuring efficient returns and optimal portfolio balance. I’ll review each selection and suggest potential adjustments to help achieve your villa investment target.

Overview of Your Portfolio and Allocation
In your current allocation, you’ve chosen a mix of large and mid-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and ELSS (tax-saving) funds. This approach brings some diversification across market caps and adds a tax-saving benefit. Here’s a detailed assessment of each category and its suitability for your goals.

Large and Mid-Cap Allocation
Fund Selected: Rs 20,000 in a large and mid-cap fund

Role in Portfolio: Large and mid-cap funds combine stability from large-cap stocks and growth from mid-caps.

Evaluation: This allocation gives a good balance between risk and reward and is essential for high growth potential.

Suggested Action: Continue with this allocation. However, investing through a regular plan with a trusted MFD and a Certified Financial Planner may offer additional guidance and ongoing support, especially as market conditions fluctuate.

Mid-Cap Allocation
Fund Selected: Rs 15,000 in a mid-cap fund

Role in Portfolio: Mid-cap funds provide growth with moderate risk and are ideal for a seven-year horizon.

Evaluation: This allocation supports your target by capturing the growth potential in mid-sized companies.

Suggested Action: Retain this mid-cap exposure but consider moving to a regular fund plan. Direct funds, though low-cost, lack the personalized insights an MFD can provide, especially during market volatility. A Certified Financial Planner with the right credentials can add value here.

Small-Cap Allocation
Fund Selected: Rs 5,000 in a small-cap fund
Role in Portfolio: Small-cap funds offer high growth but are the most volatile.
Evaluation: While these funds can deliver excellent returns, they are sensitive to market changes and may need longer timeframes to stabilise.
Suggested Action: Retain this allocation but be mindful of its volatility. Monitoring its performance closely is essential, as small caps are riskier over shorter periods. If you prefer lower volatility, consider reallocating part of this amount to large-cap funds.
ELSS (Equity-Linked Savings Scheme)
Fund Selected: Rs 10,000 in ELSS

Role in Portfolio: ELSS funds provide tax savings and equity exposure. They come with a three-year lock-in period.

Evaluation: Tax-saving funds are beneficial if you are looking to reduce your taxable income. Additionally, they offer equity exposure, which aligns with your growth objectives.

Suggested Action: Retain this allocation if tax savings are needed. However, if you don’t need the tax-saving benefit, consider allocating this amount to either the large and mid-cap or mid-cap fund. Diversifying within growth-oriented funds could offer better liquidity and flexibility.

Tax Considerations for Mutual Funds
Understanding the tax implications will help in long-term planning and portfolio returns.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh attract a 12.5% tax. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG and STCG taxes align with your income tax slab.

Tax-Saving Tips: Plan withdrawals in stages to reduce capital gains taxes. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in setting up tax-efficient withdrawal plans.

Suggested Rebalancing for Your Investment Goals
To accumulate Rs 1.5 crore within seven years, your portfolio should aim for a balance of growth and risk management.

Large and Mid-Cap Allocation: Increase allocation if possible, as these funds offer growth with moderate stability. Raising this allocation to Rs 25,000 could add to portfolio stability and meet growth objectives.

Mid-Cap Allocation: Keep this allocation but review periodically. Mid-cap exposure works well for growth but should not exceed 30-40% of the portfolio for risk balance.

Small-Cap Fund: Maintain but monitor. Since small caps are volatile, it’s wise to review every six months. If you’re uncomfortable with high volatility, consider reallocating some of this amount to large or mid-cap funds.

ELSS Fund: Retain if tax benefits are needed. However, if tax savings are not required, allocate this to the large and mid-cap or mid-cap fund for better liquidity and growth balance.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds and Benefits of Investing Through Regular Funds
Limited Guidance: Direct funds lack ongoing advisory support. Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner give you consistent insights.

Market Volatility: During market corrections, direct investors may miss out on vital guidance. A CFP-led approach in regular plans helps manage emotional decisions effectively.

Comprehensive Monitoring: CFPs provide tailored advice that aligns with your life goals and risk tolerance, enhancing returns while reducing risk.

Building a Plan for Reaching Rs 1.5 Crore Goal
For a seven-year horizon, aiming for Rs 1.5 crore is possible with disciplined investing and regular monitoring. Here are strategies to strengthen your investment journey:

Regular Reviews: Plan bi-annual portfolio reviews to assess fund performance and rebalance if required.

Disciplined SIPs: Continue your SIPs with commitment. Consistency is crucial for compounding benefits.

Emergency Fund: Keep three to six months of expenses in an emergency fund to avoid breaking investments in unforeseen situations.

Goal-Based Withdrawal Planning: Towards the goal date, begin partial withdrawals systematically. This avoids sudden large redemptions, maintaining returns.

Final Insights
Your SIP investment structure is thoughtfully planned, aligning with your goal of Rs 1.5 crore. By considering minor adjustments, you can enhance growth, manage risk, and ensure steady progress towards your target.

Sticking to actively managed funds through an MFD with CFP credentials brings better performance tracking and valuable guidance. A Certified Financial Planner can support you in tax-efficient planning and provide guidance tailored to your unique goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I am 35 years old and starting a SIP in mutual funds from next month with a monthly investment of 50,000. I have selected the following funds and allocated the amount accordingly: Tata Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – 5,000/month Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth – 15,000/month Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Direct Growth – 20,000/month DSP ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth – 10,000/month My primary goal is to accumulate corpus 1.5 crore by the 7th year to build a villa. Could you please review my selection and allocation? I would appreciate your suggestions on any modifications or alternative funds to help achieve my target. Looking forward to your valuable advice. Thank you.
Ans: Let's focus on a well-structured approach to help you achieve your goal of Rs 1.5 crore within 7 years, keeping simplicity and clarity at the forefront. Below is an analysis of your fund allocation and the role each category could play in meeting your objective.

1. Balanced Asset Allocation Strategy
Your choice of funds spans across small-cap, mid-cap, and large and mid-cap categories, with an ELSS tax-saving component. This diversification brings in potential for long-term growth with some volatility management.

Small-Cap Allocation: Investing in small-cap funds can yield high returns over the long term but is often volatile. This category suits aggressive risk-takers, and since you have a seven-year horizon, it may work to your advantage. However, a limited allocation is wise given its higher risk factor.

Mid-Cap Allocation: With a significant portion in mid-cap funds, you are targeting growth from a relatively stable yet high-growth segment. Mid-caps balance the high growth potential of small caps with slightly lower risk, which fits well with your medium-term horizon.

Large and Mid-Cap Allocation: The large and mid-cap fund adds stability to your portfolio. Large companies tend to be more resilient during market downturns, reducing overall portfolio volatility. This category generally provides consistent returns over the long term.

ELSS for Tax Benefits: Investing in an ELSS fund is a smart choice to maximize tax savings under Section 80C. Since it has a three-year lock-in period, it ensures disciplined investing and allows you to reap the benefits of compounding over a longer period.

2. Review of Direct Funds
Opting for direct funds does save on distribution expenses, but working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings several advantages that direct funds lack. Direct funds require constant tracking and hands-on management. Meanwhile, a CFP-backed advisor offers valuable insights, guidance, and personalized attention, often resulting in more optimized returns and efficient portfolio rebalancing. Regular plans enable you to benefit from expert monitoring, portfolio rebalancing, and a consistent investment strategy.

3. Fund Allocation Recommendations
Considering your aim to accumulate Rs 1.5 crore within seven years, here are suggestions to strengthen your fund mix for an enhanced balance of growth and stability:

Enhanced Large-Cap Exposure: Including a larger large-cap allocation could add resilience to your portfolio. These funds typically provide steady returns with lower volatility, an essential feature as your timeline nears maturity.

Limit Mid- and Small-Cap Exposure: Small-cap and mid-cap funds can be volatile, especially in shorter durations. For your goal, consider moderating these allocations and redistributing towards stable large-cap funds or hybrid funds for a balanced risk approach.

Tax-Efficient Planning: Your ELSS investment is a valuable tax-saving tool. However, for the remainder of your investments, focusing on tax-efficient funds with a long-term strategy will also help optimize your returns after taxes, particularly in years when you may want to sell and reinvest.

4. Tax Implications on Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual fund investments have specific tax rules that can impact your returns:

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains from equity mutual funds held for more than one year are taxed at 12.5% if they exceed Rs 1.25 lakh.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): Equity funds sold within a year are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: LTCG and STCG from debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Optimizing your tax liability can be done by holding funds for longer durations when possible and planning withdrawals based on tax-efficiency to retain more of your gains.

5. Focused SIP Approach
A consistent SIP approach in mutual funds creates discipline and provides the benefit of rupee cost averaging. By sticking to your SIP plan, you minimize the impact of market volatility. Rebalancing your funds once a year will ensure alignment with your goals while responding to market conditions.

6. Potential Fund Alternatives
Given the high growth target, it might be helpful to explore funds that balance equity growth with moderate risk. Consider funds with a balanced or hybrid structure that provide equity exposure but with an embedded stability component.

Balanced Hybrid Funds: These funds offer both equity and debt exposure, blending growth with stability. It could reduce portfolio risk while keeping your returns within range of your goals.

Dynamic Asset Allocation Funds: These funds adjust asset allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions, offering a degree of stability when equity markets are volatile. This category could complement your goal and reduce the need for frequent rebalancing.

7. Monitoring and Rebalancing
Given your goal, annual reviews are essential to ensure you are on track. Regular rebalancing helps maintain your desired asset allocation, which is critical for navigating different market phases and meeting your financial objectives. Working with a Certified Financial Planner for this could enhance your portfolio's performance and simplify the process.

8. Final Insights
In summary, your selected funds form a sound base for achieving a Rs 1.5 crore target over seven years. However, a few adjustments will help align your portfolio to be both growth-oriented and stable. A slightly increased large-cap allocation and hybrid fund inclusion can balance risk and optimize returns. Remember, working with a CFP can provide the professional insight and monitoring that direct plans lack, helping you reach your villa-building goal more smoothly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
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Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
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I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

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One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

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Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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