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37 Year Old Wanting to Retire at 50 with Rs.25 Crore Corpus: How Should I Adjust My Finances?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 04, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi Experts I am a 37 year old with a wife and two kids(7&1 years). I have a monthly take home of 6L. I have SIPs of 1.5L per month. I have an outstanding MF portfolio of 1Cr and stock portfolio worth 1.25Cr. I have an outstanding home loan of 1.5Cr(1.45L EMI) and property worth 3Cr. I would want to retire by 50 years of age with a corpus of 25 Cr. Please help me with what changes I need to do now.

Ans: Review of Current Financial Situation
Your financial situation is strong. You have a high monthly income and significant investments. Your SIPs of Rs 1.5 lakh per month, along with an MF portfolio of Rs 1 crore and a stock portfolio of Rs 1.25 crore, show disciplined saving. You also own a property worth Rs 3 crore, though there is a significant home loan attached to it. You have a clear goal of retiring at 50 with a corpus of Rs 25 crore, which is both ambitious and achievable with careful planning.

Assessing Your Retirement Goal
Retiring at 50 with Rs 25 crore is a significant goal. This means you have around 13 years to build your corpus. Considering inflation and future needs, this target will require you to maximize your savings and investments. Your current investments are strong, but we need to evaluate if they will be enough to meet your goal.

Home Loan Considerations
Your home loan EMI of Rs 1.45 lakh is a substantial monthly commitment. While you are comfortably managing it now, you should consider the long-term impact. Paying off the loan sooner could free up cash flow for additional investments. However, this decision should be balanced with the returns you expect from your investments. If your investments are yielding more than the interest on your home loan, it might be better to continue the loan.

Review of SIPs and Investment Strategy
Your monthly SIPs of Rs 1.5 lakh are commendable. However, it's essential to ensure that these investments align with your retirement goals. Diversify your portfolio to balance between equity and debt funds. Consider the risk associated with your current investments and how they fit with your retirement timeline. Active management of your funds might yield better returns as compared to passive index funds. Actively managed funds, handled by experienced professionals, can adapt to market changes and aim for higher returns.

Evaluation of Stock Portfolio
Your stock portfolio is a substantial Rs 1.25 crore. While direct equity investments can provide high returns, they also come with high risks. It is essential to evaluate the companies you have invested in, considering their long-term growth potential. Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your stock portfolio can help you avoid significant losses. You may also consider shifting a portion of your stock investments to more stable options as you approach retirement.

Emergency Fund and Insurance
An emergency fund is crucial, especially with a family. Ensure that you have at least 6-12 months' worth of expenses saved in a liquid and safe investment. Additionally, review your insurance coverage. Adequate life insurance and health insurance are vital to protect your family from unforeseen circumstances. Since you already have a home loan, ensure that your life insurance coverage is sufficient to cover this liability along with your family’s future needs.

Planning for Children's Education
Your children are young, and their education will require significant funds in the future. Start planning and investing specifically for this goal. Education costs are rising, and early investments in a dedicated fund can ease the burden later. Consider starting a separate SIP or investment plan focused on building this education corpus.

Reviewing and Optimizing Expenses
Review your monthly expenses to identify areas where you can save more. Cutting unnecessary expenses can free up more funds for investments. As your retirement goal is ambitious, every bit of extra savings will help you reach your target faster.

Tax Planning
With a high income, tax planning becomes crucial. Ensure you are taking full advantage of available tax-saving investments. Optimizing your tax outgo can help you increase your savings and investment potential. Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to ensure that your tax planning aligns with your overall financial strategy.

Estate Planning
It is essential to have a will and a clear estate plan in place. This ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes and provides security for your family. Estate planning is often overlooked but is a crucial part of comprehensive financial planning.

Monitoring and Adjusting the Plan
Financial planning is not a one-time task. It requires regular monitoring and adjustments. As you move closer to your retirement age, your risk tolerance will change. Regularly review your investment portfolio and financial goals to ensure they remain aligned. Adjust your strategies as needed, based on market conditions and changes in your life circumstances.

Final Insights
You are on a strong financial path. However, achieving your retirement goal of Rs 25 crore by age 50 requires disciplined saving, smart investing, and regular review of your financial plan. Consider paying off your home loan early if it makes sense with your investment returns. Regularly review and rebalance your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Secure your family's future with an adequate emergency fund and insurance coverage. Don’t forget to plan for your children’s education and review your tax planning strategies. Finally, remember to create and update your estate plan regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

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Hello Team, I am 39 yrs old and currently have 40 lakhs in mutual fund and doing a SIP of 1lakh 10 k monthly, i have shares around 15 lakhs and around 22 lakhs in crypto and 14 lakhs in PF. Currently i have 13 lakhs home loan, 4.5 lakhs car loan and also bought a new house where 1.9 cr loan will be taken. My plan is to sell the current house which will fetch me 1 cr so ideally 90 lakhs loan will remain in future. Please advise me how can i retire at 45 with corpus of 5 to 6 cr.
Ans: Frst, congratulations on building a substantial investment portfolio and planning for your financial future. Managing diverse investments and loans can be challenging, but with strategic planning, your goals are achievable.

Current Assets and Liabilities
Let's summarise your financial standing:

Mutual Funds: ?40 lakhs
SIPs: ?1.10 lakhs monthly
Shares: ?15 lakhs
Cryptocurrency: ?22 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): ?14 lakhs
Home Loan (Existing): ?13 lakhs
Car Loan: ?4.5 lakhs
New Home Loan: ?1.9 crores (expected to reduce to ?90 lakhs after selling the current house)
Evaluating Your Retirement Goal
You aim to retire at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores. Given your current age of 39, you have six years to build this corpus.

Managing Existing Loans
Current Home Loan
You plan to sell your current house for ?1 crore, which will help reduce your new home loan to ?90 lakhs. This is a sound strategy to lower your debt.

Car Loan
The car loan of ?4.5 lakhs is relatively small. Consider paying it off early if possible, as this will reduce your monthly outflows and save on interest.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds and SIPs
You have ?40 lakhs in mutual funds and a monthly SIP of ?1.10 lakhs. This disciplined approach will significantly contribute to your retirement corpus.

Continue Your SIPs: Maintaining your SIPs is crucial. Consider increasing the SIP amount if your income allows, as this will accelerate your corpus growth.

Actively Managed Funds: Focus on actively managed funds with a consistent performance record. These funds aim to outperform the market and can help achieve your target returns.

Equity Investments
You have ?15 lakhs in shares. Equities can provide high returns over the long term, but they are volatile.

Diversification: Ensure your equity portfolio is diversified across sectors to manage risk.

Regular Review: Monitor your equity investments and rebalance your portfolio as needed to align with market conditions.

Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency investments worth ?22 lakhs are high-risk. While they can offer substantial returns, the volatility is significant.

Limit Exposure: Consider limiting your exposure to cryptocurrencies to avoid excessive risk.

Reallocate Gains: If there are substantial gains, consider reallocating some of these funds to more stable investments.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimating Required Returns
To achieve a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores in six years, you need to focus on high-growth investments while managing risks.

Compound Growth
Your existing investments and monthly SIPs will grow significantly due to compounding. Here’s a simplified approach:

Mutual Funds and SIPs: With aggressive and balanced mutual funds, aim for an annualised return of 12-15%.

Equities and Crypto: While high-risk, these can offer returns above 15%, but exposure should be managed carefully.

Debt Management
Reducing Loan Burden
Pay Off Small Loans: Clear the car loan and any other small debts to reduce financial stress.

New Home Loan: Focus on prepaying the new home loan. Reducing this loan early will significantly lower your interest burden and increase disposable income for investments.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help tailor your investment strategy. A CFP can provide personalised advice, monitor your portfolio, and make necessary adjustments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review Portfolio: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your retirement goals.

Rebalance Investments: Periodically rebalance your investments to manage risk and optimise returns.

Conclusion
With disciplined investing, strategic debt management, and professional guidance, retiring at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores is achievable. Focus on high-growth investments, manage risks, and regularly review your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 35 years old, have close to 70lakhs in stocks for msft, 10 lakhs in MF, monthly SIP of 5000 for Ppf and nps. And close to 5l in savings. I would want to retire in the next couple of years with a corpus of 2-3 Crores. Anything else that I can do differently to achieve this?
Ans: Given your current financial situation and retirement goal, there are a few strategies you can consider to enhance your retirement corpus:

1. Evaluate Stock Holdings:
Review your stock investments in Microsoft (MSFT) and assess whether they align with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. Consider diversifying your stock portfolio to reduce concentration risk.

2. Optimize Mutual Fund Investments:
Review the performance of your mutual fund investments and consider reallocating funds to better-performing funds or those aligned with your retirement timeline and risk profile.

3. Increase Monthly SIPs:
Consider increasing your SIP amounts for PPF and NPS to accelerate wealth accumulation. This will help you build a larger retirement corpus over time, especially considering the tax benefits associated with these investment avenues.

4. Explore Additional Investment Avenues:
Look into other investment options such as debt funds, real estate investment trusts (REITs), or alternative investments to diversify your portfolio further and potentially boost returns.

5. Budgeting and Saving:
Review your monthly expenses and identify areas where you can reduce unnecessary spending. Allocate these savings towards your investment portfolio to accelerate wealth accumulation.

6. Seek Professional Advice:
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner to develop a customized financial plan tailored to your retirement goals, risk tolerance, and investment preferences. They can provide personalized guidance and recommendations to optimize your investment strategy.

Conclusion:
By implementing these strategies and staying disciplined in your savings and investment approach, you can work towards achieving your retirement goal of accumulating a corpus of 2-3 Crores in the next couple of years. Regularly review and adjust your investment plan as needed to stay on track towards financial independence in retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

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Hello Team I am 37 year old, with a nett monthly take home of 5.8L. I have SIPs worth 1.5L per month. I have an outstanding MF portfolio of 1.02 Cr and a portfolio of 1.2Cr in stocks. I have 3 real estate properties worth 3.5 Cr and an outstanding loan of 1.5Cr. Please suggest a way forward to retire at 50 with a 15Cr corpus and to support monthly expenses of 1.5L.
Ans: At 37, you have built a substantial portfolio and have clear retirement goals. Your net monthly take-home is Rs 5.8 lakhs. You invest Rs 1.5 lakhs monthly in SIPs. Your current investments include an MF portfolio of Rs 1.02 crores and a stock portfolio of Rs 1.2 crores. You own three properties worth Rs 3.5 crores with an outstanding loan of Rs 1.5 crores.

Retirement Goal and Monthly Expenses
You aim to retire at 50 with a Rs 15 crores corpus and support monthly expenses of Rs 1.5 lakhs. This requires strategic planning and disciplined investing. Let’s break down the steps to achieve your goal.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds (MFs)

Your MF portfolio is substantial and offers diversification.
Continue with your monthly SIPs. Increase them as your income grows.
Focus on a mix of equity and debt funds for growth and stability.
Stocks

Your stock portfolio is significant and can yield high returns.
Regularly review your portfolio. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for stock selection and rebalancing.
Diversify across different sectors to mitigate risks.
Real Estate

Your properties are valuable but not liquid.
Avoid increasing real estate exposure further. Focus on more liquid investments.
Managing Debt
Outstanding Loan: Your loan of Rs 1.5 crores is a liability. Prioritize paying it off. This will reduce your financial burden and interest costs.
Debt Repayment Strategy: Allocate a portion of your income or profits from investments to repay the loan faster.
Investment Strategy for Retirement Corpus
To achieve a Rs 15 crore corpus by 50, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIP Contributions

Gradually increase your monthly SIPs. Aim for a higher allocation to equity funds for growth.
Use a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.
Invest in Debt Funds

Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability and regular income.
Debt funds can act as a cushion against market volatility.
Balanced Funds

Consider balanced funds that invest in both equity and debt.
They provide moderate growth with reduced risk.
Review and Rebalance

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Rebalance your portfolio based on market conditions and your financial goals.
Insurance and Risk Management
Health Insurance

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance for yourself and your family.
This will protect your savings from medical emergencies.
Life Insurance

Have adequate life insurance to secure your family’s financial future.
Opt for a term insurance plan for cost-effective coverage.
Tax Planning
Tax-efficient Investments

Continue investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS mutual funds.
These provide tax benefits under Section 80C.
Capital Gains Management

Plan your investments to take advantage of long-term capital gains tax benefits.
Equity investments held for more than one year qualify for lower tax rates.
Emergency Fund
Building an Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of living expenses.
Park this fund in liquid mutual funds for easy access and reasonable returns.
Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 15 crore corpus by 50 requires disciplined investing and strategic planning. Increase your SIP contributions, diversify your investments, and focus on both growth and stability. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Prioritize debt repayment and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and guidance. With a structured approach, you can reach your retirement goals and enjoy financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir I am 37 year old male, sole earner of the family and have wife and two kids(7 & 2). I have a MF portfolio of 1.1 Cr with 1.5L SIPs per month. I also have a stock portfolio of 1.3Cr. My monthly take home salary is 5L. I have around 30L in PF. I have properties worth 3 Cr and a home loan EMI of 1.5L pm. Can you suggest what changes I need to do to retire at 50 years with a net corpus of 25Cr.
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You're 37 years old with a family of four.
Your take-home salary is Rs. 5 lakhs per month.
You have a strong investment portfolio already.

Investment Portfolio

Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.1 Crore with Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly SIP.
Stocks: Rs. 1.3 Crore
PF: Rs. 30 lakhs
Properties: Worth Rs. 3 Crore

Liabilities

Home loan EMI: Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month
This is a significant part of your monthly income.

Retirement Goal

You want to retire at 50 with Rs. 25 Crore corpus.
That's 13 years from now.
It's an ambitious but achievable goal with your income.

Increasing Investments

Consider increasing your monthly SIP amount.
You can potentially invest more from your salary.
Try to increase investments by 10% each year.

Diversification

Your portfolio seems tilted towards equity and property.
Consider adding some debt funds for balance.
This can help manage risk as you near retirement.

Emergency Fund

Ensure you have 6-12 months of expenses saved.
This protects your investments during emergencies.
Keep this in easily accessible, low-risk options.

Insurance Coverage

Review your life and health insurance.
Ensure adequate coverage for your family's security.
Consider disability insurance too.

Property Investment

Your property investment is significant.
Consider if it's giving good returns.
Think about selling some if returns are low.

Loan Repayment

Try to repay your home loan faster.
This will free up more money for investments.
Consider using bonuses or stock gains for prepayment.

Tax Planning

Maximize your tax-saving investments.
Use Section 80C, 80D, and other benefits fully.
This can help you invest more towards your goal.

Regular Portfolio Review

Review your investment mix every year.
Rebalance to maintain the right risk level.
Shift to safer options as you near 50.

Children's Education Planning

Factor in future education costs for your kids.
Start separate investments for this if not done already.
This ensures your retirement corpus isn't affected.

Finally

Your goal is challenging but possible with discipline.
Increase your investments steadily over the years.
Consider talking to a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed plan.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:
Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.


Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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