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59-Year-Old With 3.2 Crore Investment: Enough for 30 Years?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |753 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Srinivasan Question by Srinivasan on Oct 15, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, My Age is 59 and investment is as follows: Stock market 1.2 Cr MFI 2.0 Cr Expectied pension from 2026 1,4L per month House : own house Loan liability is zero Responsibility: Marriage of two sons who finished PG My question is " above fund sufficient to take over for me and my wife for next 30 year (assuming life expectancy is 90 Years) Regards Srinivasan

Ans: Hello;

You may invest 20 L in Arbitrage type of mutual fund(low risk) earmarked for marriage of your sons.

Also you may invest 3 Cr into equity savings type mutual fund (moderate risk).

After 3 years it may grow into a sum of 3.89 Cr considering modest return of 9%.

I suggest that you redeem this corpus by paying LTCG(~11 L) and buy an immediate annuity for balance corpus of 3.78 Cr from a life insurance company.

I am not recommending you to do an SWP because for your required monthly income SWP rate will have to be 4.5%+ annually and I ran this on an swp calculator which shows depleted corpus of less then 1 Cr after 30 years.

Considering annuity rate of 6% you may expect to receive monthly payment of 1.89 L(pre-tax).

Seek joint annuity for yourself and your spouse with return of purchase price to your nominees.

Some life insurers offer increasing annuity at fixed intervals to account for inflation.

Also if you shop around and negotiate you may get a better annuity rate.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Hi sir, i am 37. Investing 15000 in 04 MFs, 37500 total in 02 PPFs and 01 SSY, 20000 in NPS each month. I've 1 daughter and 1 son of 7 yrs and 3 yrs respectively. Is it sufficient for me in future?????
Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach towards securing your family's future. Let's delve into your financial planning:
• Comprehensive Investment Approach: You've adopted a well-rounded investment strategy by diversifying across mutual funds, PPFs, SSY, and NPS. This approach spreads risk and maximizes growth potential.
• Planning for Children's Future: Investing in PPFs, SSY, and NPS for your children's education and future needs is a prudent move. These instruments offer tax benefits and long-term growth potential, ensuring financial security for their milestones.
• Assessing Sufficiency: While your current investment allocation is commendable, it's essential to periodically review and reassess your financial goals and resources. As your children grow and educational expenses increase, you may need to adjust your investment contributions accordingly.
• Long-Term Perspective: With a diversified portfolio and disciplined savings habit, you're on the right track towards achieving your financial objectives. Keep a long-term perspective and stay committed to your investment plan.
• Professional Guidance: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to review your financial plan, assess progress towards goals, and make necessary adjustments. A CFP can provide personalized advice based on your evolving needs and market conditions.
• Encouragement: Your proactive approach towards financial planning reflects your commitment to securing your family's future. Stay focused on your goals, continue to invest systematically, and remain adaptable to changing circumstances.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 32 years old. I have retired to stay with my parents with a corpus of 4cr, Out of the income generated from my corpus which i have distributed among my elderly parents mainly in FDs I am able to do a SIP of 80K monthly apart from depositing 1.5 L in PPF and 50k in Nps. I also have about 15 L exposure in shares and 60 L in Mutual Funds and 20 L in savings account for emergency apart from having Mediclaim for the family. My present family expenditure is 75 k per month I plan to remain single and have no loans. Want to know whether my financial planing will be able to see me through my life.
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Firstly, congratulations on your disciplined approach to financial planning. With a corpus of Rs 4 crore and strategic investments, you’ve established a strong foundation. Let’s take a closer look at your financial plan and its sustainability over your lifetime.

Corpus Allocation and Safety Net
Your corpus of Rs 4 crore is a significant amount. It's wisely distributed, offering both security and growth potential. Fixed Deposits (FDs) provide safety, though they often yield lower returns compared to other investment options. Your distribution of funds, especially the Rs 20 lakh kept as an emergency fund, shows foresight. Having Rs 20 lakh in a savings account ensures liquidity and readiness for any unforeseen expenses.

Monthly SIP and Investments in PPF and NPS
You are contributing Rs 80,000 monthly to Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), Rs 1.5 lakh annually to Public Provident Fund (PPF), and Rs 50,000 annually to the National Pension System (NPS). These are commendable strategies. SIPs, especially in equity mutual funds, can provide substantial long-term growth due to compounding and rupee cost averaging. PPF and NPS offer tax benefits and a secure retirement corpus.

Equity and Mutual Fund Exposure
Your Rs 15 lakh exposure in shares and Rs 60 lakh in mutual funds indicate a balanced approach to risk and return. While direct equity investment can be rewarding, it’s also risky and requires diligent monitoring. Your mutual fund investments, managed by professional fund managers, offer diversified exposure and reduce individual stock risk.

Family Expenditure and Lifestyle Choices
With a monthly family expenditure of Rs 75,000, your expenses seem well-managed within your means. Planning to remain single without any loans further reduces financial strain and obligations. Your mediclaim policy is a crucial safety net, covering potential health-related expenses and ensuring your corpus remains intact.

Assessing Long-term Sustainability
Now, let’s evaluate whether your current financial planning can sustain you through your lifetime. We will consider various factors such as inflation, investment returns, and life expectancy.

Inflation and Its Impact
Inflation erodes purchasing power over time. Historically, inflation in India averages around 6-7% per year. While your current expenses are Rs 75,000 per month, they will likely increase over the years. It’s essential to ensure that your investments grow at a rate higher than inflation to maintain your lifestyle.

Investment Returns and Growth
Your investment strategy includes a mix of FDs, equity shares, mutual funds, PPF, and NPS. Historically, equity mutual funds in India have delivered returns between 12-15% annually, significantly outpacing inflation. PPF provides around 7-8% returns, which is close to the inflation rate, and NPS, depending on the asset allocation, can yield around 9-11%. Your FD returns, though secure, may not beat inflation, but they provide stability.

Future Income Generation
To sustain your lifestyle and grow your corpus, it's crucial to focus on investments that offer inflation-beating returns. Your SIPs in equity mutual funds will likely be the primary growth driver. Given your Rs 80,000 monthly SIP, you are investing Rs 9.6 lakh annually in mutual funds. Over the long term, this could significantly grow your corpus, assuming average returns of 12-15% from equity mutual funds.

Reassessment and Diversification
It’s important to periodically reassess your financial plan. Given your current exposure, it might be beneficial to review the performance of your shares and mutual funds annually. Diversifying your mutual fund portfolio across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds can balance risk and returns. Avoiding over-reliance on FDs and ensuring a greater portion is in high-growth potential instruments will help.

Importance of Active Management
Actively managed funds often outperform index funds in emerging markets like India due to market inefficiencies. Fund managers can make strategic decisions to capitalize on market opportunities. While index funds mirror market performance, actively managed funds strive to beat it, which can be advantageous in a dynamic market environment.

Potential Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Direct funds may seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they require a deeper understanding and continuous monitoring. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide professional guidance, ensuring your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance. Regular funds, despite higher fees, offer the benefit of professional management and advice, which can be invaluable.

Emergency Fund and Liquidity
Your Rs 20 lakh emergency fund is substantial and provides a solid safety net. Ensure it remains easily accessible and consider keeping it in a high-interest savings account or a liquid fund for better returns. It's crucial to maintain this fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses.

Health Insurance and Contingency Planning
Your mediclaim policy is essential. Regularly review it to ensure adequate coverage, especially as medical costs rise. Consider critical illness insurance if you don't already have it. It's also wise to have a will in place to ensure smooth succession of your assets.

Evaluating Future Goals and Adjustments
As you age, your risk tolerance might change. It's essential to adjust your investment strategy accordingly. Consider shifting to more conservative investments as you approach retirement age. Reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio annually can help maintain the desired risk-reward ratio.

Financial Planning Tools and Resources
Utilizing financial planning tools can provide insights into your future financial position. These tools can simulate different scenarios, helping you make informed decisions. A CFP can offer tailored advice based on your unique situation and goals.

Legacy Planning and Philanthropy
If you have philanthropic goals or wish to leave a legacy, plan accordingly. Setting up trusts or charitable foundations can ensure your wealth benefits future generations or causes you care about.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regular monitoring and adjustments are crucial. Life events, market changes, and personal goals evolve, necessitating periodic reviews. Staying proactive ensures your financial health and long-term sustainability.

Final Insights
Your current financial planning shows prudence and foresight. Maintaining a balance between growth-oriented investments and secure options like FDs provides stability and potential for wealth growth. Regularly reassessing and adjusting your plan ensures it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions. With disciplined investing, continuous learning, and professional guidance, you can confidently navigate your financial journey and secure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello I am 29yrs old and my husband is 36 I have 3yr old daughter and 6year old son v both make total of 20lakhs a year V have following investments LIC umang pension plan that will gv 20k Monthly for both after 7yrs and also death benefit till 100years age Mutual fund value 10lakhs 20lakhs of FD SSY v pay 1.50lacs yearly Stocks worth 3lakhs Term Plan of 75lakhs and 50lakhs respectively V have mediclaim of 3lakhs Is it enough or shall I invest in something else Thank You
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
You are 29 years old with a combined income of Rs. 20 lakhs annually.

You have two children and various investments.

Let's assess your current financial position.


You have made good investment choices.

Your LIC pension plan provides steady income.

Your mutual funds and FDs are substantial.

Term insurance covers are adequate.

Mediclaim ensures health coverage.

Assessing Future Needs
Consider your children's education.

Plan for their future expenses.

Keep in mind inflation and rising costs.

Evaluating LIC Umang Pension Plan
Evaluate the benefits of the LIC pension plan.

Assess if it meets your long-term needs.

Consider its flexibility and growth potential.

Reviewing Mutual Funds and FDs
Review your mutual funds and FDs.

Ensure they align with your risk tolerance.

Consider diversifying further.

Evaluating Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
SSY is a good investment for children.

Continue with Rs. 1.50 lakhs yearly.

It ensures their future education.

Assessing Stocks
Review your stock investments.

Ensure they are diversified.

Consider long-term growth potential.

Reviewing Term Insurance
Term insurance covers are sufficient.

Ensure they cover future financial needs.

Consider reviewing periodically.

Assessing Mediclaim Coverage
Mediclaim of Rs. 3 lakhs is basic.

Consider increasing coverage.

Factor in family health needs.

Planning for Future Investments
Consider equity investments for growth.

Review tax-saving investments.

Plan for retirement and children's future.

Final Insights
You have made good investment choices.

Continue with regular reviews.

Plan for future goals and expenses.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner.

This ensures a comprehensive financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

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Dear Mr. Ramalingam, My name is Vasudevan,age is 59 Years and planning to retire within a year. My Investment is as follows Stock Market Value as on today => 1.2 Cr MFI Various scheme => 2..3 Cr SBI life Pension ==> 1.2 L per month expected receive from year July 2026 till my Life time. House ==> Own house to live Loan Liabilities ==> Zero Responsibilities ===> Marriage expenses of two Sons. My question above fund is sufficient to take care of my retirement life with my wife if i retire next year or to continue my working for some more time to increase my corpus. Regards Vasudevan
Ans: At 59, retirement is a big milestone, and it’s important to evaluate your finances carefully to ensure you and your wife can enjoy a comfortable life.

Let’s assess your financial position step by step and address your query on whether you should retire next year or continue working.

1. Current Financial Situation Overview
Here’s a snapshot of your current financial standing:

Stock Market Investment: Rs 1.2 crore.

Mutual Fund Investment (MFI): Rs 2.3 crore.

SBI Life Pension: Rs 1.2 lakh per month from July 2026 onwards.

Own House: You already own your house, which is excellent as it eliminates rent or mortgage payments.

No Loan Liabilities: This is another great position to be in as you enter retirement debt-free.

Responsibilities: You have the marriage expenses of your two sons to consider.

Your total liquid investment portfolio (stocks + mutual funds) is Rs 3.5 crore.

2. Monthly Income Needs Post-Retirement
The first step in retirement planning is calculating your monthly expenses. These will include:

Household Expenses: Regular day-to-day expenses, such as groceries, utilities, transportation, and healthcare.

Medical and Healthcare Costs: This is a crucial area that tends to increase with age. Make sure to factor in insurance premiums and out-of-pocket medical costs.

Miscellaneous and Lifestyle Expenses: Travel, leisure, and gifts or family functions may come under this category.

Assume you need Rs 1 lakh per month for your regular living expenses. This could increase slightly over time due to inflation. To cover this, you need a steady stream of income throughout your retirement.

3. Pension Starting in 2026: Planning for the Interim
Your pension from SBI Life will provide Rs 1.2 lakh per month starting in 2026. This will comfortably cover your monthly expenses from that point onward.

However, between the time you retire next year and when your pension kicks in, you’ll need to rely on your current investments for income. This is a period of about three years, and you should plan how to draw from your investments wisely during this time.

4. Sustainability of the Current Corpus
Let’s assess your investment portfolio and whether it can generate enough income to support your lifestyle for the rest of your life.

Stock Market Investment (Rs 1.2 crore): Stock investments can provide good returns, but they are volatile. You need to be cautious about withdrawing money during market downturns.

Mutual Funds (Rs 2.3 crore): This provides more stability compared to stocks but also comes with risk, especially if you are heavily invested in equity funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: If your portfolio includes index funds, be aware that these don’t provide the flexibility to respond to market conditions. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, offer better growth potential, especially in volatile times, as fund managers can make strategic decisions.

The total investment corpus of Rs 3.5 crore should be enough for a comfortable retirement if managed properly.

5. Asset Allocation for Retirement
Now that you are close to retirement, your investment strategy should shift towards wealth preservation, with some room for growth to keep pace with inflation. Here’s what you can do:

Shift to Debt and Hybrid Mutual Funds: You should consider moving some of your money from stocks and equity mutual funds into debt or hybrid mutual funds. These funds offer more stability and lower risk while still providing moderate returns.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds: If you are currently investing in direct funds, it’s important to understand that these require active monitoring. A better approach for retirement is to invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), who can help you choose regular funds that are professionally managed.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, consider setting up a SWP from your mutual fund investments. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount every month, providing you with a steady income while keeping your principal intact for as long as possible.

LTCG and STCG Taxation: Be mindful of the new capital gains tax rules. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%, while short-term gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

6. Marriage Expenses for Your Sons
You have two upcoming significant expenses – the marriage of your two sons. It’s essential to plan for these carefully:

Set Aside a Separate Fund: Keep a portion of your investments aside specifically for these expenses. Since marriage costs can vary, estimate the budget and invest in a liquid or short-term debt fund so that the money is accessible when needed.

Avoid Dipping into Retirement Corpus: Try to fund these expenses from your current investments or savings, without affecting your primary retirement corpus. This way, you don’t risk your long-term financial security.

7. Healthcare and Medical Coverage
Medical costs tend to rise with age, and healthcare is often the biggest unknown in retirement planning. Here’s what you need to do:

Comprehensive Health Insurance: Make sure you and your wife have comprehensive health insurance coverage. You should have a policy with at least Rs 10-15 lakh coverage, depending on your health condition.

Set Aside a Medical Emergency Fund: Keep a separate liquid fund for medical emergencies. This could be Rs 10-15 lakh, which you can access quickly if needed.

8. Lifestyle and Leisure
After working hard all your life, retirement is the time to enjoy. You and your wife may want to travel or indulge in hobbies. Make sure to budget for these activities as well.

Set a Leisure Budget: Keep a specific amount aside for your travel and hobbies. This could be funded through a part of your stock portfolio, allowing you to benefit from any market upswings before you spend the money.
Finally: Is Your Corpus Enough?
Your current corpus of Rs 3.5 crore (stocks + mutual funds) is significant and should be enough to provide you with a comfortable retirement if managed wisely.

Here’s a summary of what you should consider:

Use your investments to cover your expenses for the next three years until your pension starts.

Rebalance your portfolio to reduce risk by shifting to debt and hybrid mutual funds.

Set up a SWP to generate regular income from your investments.

Keep a separate fund for your sons' marriages and medical emergencies.

If you are comfortable with your current lifestyle and do not foresee major additional expenses, your current corpus should be sufficient. However, if you want to enhance your financial security further, continuing to work for a few more years could allow you to grow your corpus and strengthen your position.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
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It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

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Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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