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Can I Retire at 49 with 6 Lakh/Month Income and 7 Cr+ Investments?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
Money

We are 49 years old couple with 6 lakh/month income from salary. We have 1 Cr in Share market, 15 lakh in mutual funds, 25 lakh gold bonds, 3 Cr in EPF, 2.25 Cr in FD/Secure Bonds and 15 lakh cash stcked in saving account for emergency use. Additionally, we also have Rs. 5 lakh/year of rental income. We have two school going kids (7th and 4th grade) and their combined fee is Rs. 7 lakh/year; apart from kids we have our partents to take care who are 80+ years. With given income and house hold expenses 2.5 lakh/month (including expenses on eleder care), can we retire in another 2 years without compromising living standards? We are debt free.

Ans: Evaluating Your Financial Situation
You have done a commendable job of building a diverse and substantial portfolio. Your combined monthly income of Rs. 6 lakh, plus Rs. 5 lakh per year in rental income, provides a strong financial foundation. Additionally, your existing investments in shares, mutual funds, gold bonds, EPF, and FDs, as well as your emergency cash reserve, are well-placed. Given your current expenses, including elder care and your children’s education, it’s crucial to assess whether you can maintain your lifestyle after retirement.

Assessing Your Retirement Corpus
Your current assets include:

Rs. 1 crore in the share market

Rs. 15 lakh in mutual funds

Rs. 25 lakh in gold bonds

Rs. 3 crore in EPF

Rs. 2.25 crore in FD/Secure Bonds

Rs. 15 lakh cash for emergencies

The total value of your current investments is approximately Rs. 6.8 crore. Additionally, you will receive Rs. 5 lakh per year from rental income, which will continue post-retirement.

Calculating Your Post-Retirement Expenses
Your monthly household expenses are Rs. 2.5 lakh, including Rs. 7 lakh per year for your children's education. In two years, your children will still be in school, so this expense will continue.

Post-retirement, maintaining a similar lifestyle would require a steady income. If you plan to retire in two years, you need to ensure your investments can generate sufficient returns to cover these expenses.

Evaluating Investment Growth and Income Streams
Your investment portfolio is diversified, which is a positive aspect. Let’s look at each investment category:

Equity Investments: Your Rs. 1 crore in the share market and Rs. 15 lakh in mutual funds have the potential to grow, but they also carry market risk. Regular monitoring and adjustments are essential.

Gold Bonds: Rs. 25 lakh in gold bonds offers stability and acts as a hedge against inflation. However, the returns might not be high enough to meet long-term goals.

EPF: Your Rs. 3 crore in EPF provides a secure and stable return. However, the withdrawal from EPF is usually done in a lump sum. You need to plan how to utilize this amount effectively.

FDs/Secure Bonds: Rs. 2.25 crore in FDs and bonds is a low-risk investment but offers lower returns. This will help in preserving capital but may not generate significant income.

Emergency Cash: Rs. 15 lakh in a savings account is a prudent move for emergencies. However, this amount should not be left idle for too long, as it can lose value due to inflation.

Projecting Future Expenses
You will have ongoing expenses like children’s education, household needs, and elder care. Inflation will also play a role, gradually increasing your costs. Therefore, your retirement corpus needs to be substantial enough to generate a steady income that outpaces inflation.

Structuring Your Retirement Income
To retire comfortably in two years, you must plan your income streams effectively:

SWP from Mutual Funds: Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular income while keeping your principal invested.

Dividend Income: Consider investing in dividend-paying stocks or mutual funds that offer regular payouts.

Annuity Income: While not recommending annuities, you can consider other income-generating products that offer regular payouts.

Rental Income: Your existing Rs. 5 lakh/year rental income is a stable source. Ensure the property is well-maintained to avoid any disruption in this income.

Managing Risk and Volatility
As you near retirement, reducing exposure to high-risk investments like equities is advisable. Gradually shifting your portfolio towards more stable and income-generating assets can help. However, keeping some equity exposure is important to combat inflation and generate growth.

Planning for Healthcare and Elder Care
Given that you are also responsible for your parents’ care, healthcare costs can be significant. Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for yourself, your spouse, and your parents.

Consider setting aside a specific fund dedicated to healthcare expenses. This will protect your retirement corpus from being depleted by unforeseen medical costs.

Children's Education and Future Expenses
Your children’s education is another major expense. Plan to have funds available for their higher education and other future needs. You may want to consider child-specific investment plans or continue investing in mutual funds for this purpose.

Final Insights
Retiring in two years is achievable, given your substantial assets. However, it requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Your current investment portfolio is strong, but it’s important to adjust your strategy to focus on income generation and capital preservation as you approach retirement.

Regularly review your portfolio and rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your evolving goals. Managing risk, ensuring a steady income stream, and preparing for inflation will be key to maintaining your lifestyle post-retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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You posted: Hi I am 36 years old married. I have a net worth of 4.2 crore which includes second home (bungalow in tier 2 city) of 1.25 Crore without any loan. Investment in equity & mutual fund of 90lakhs. Balance 2.05 Cr in debt, FD & gold. My monthly expense is ?60K. Salary of 1.8L per month. I have Life insurance for self and Health insurance for self and spouse. Can I retire with this amount in tier 2 city?
Ans: Congratulations on building such a substantial net worth at 36! Your financial discipline and strategic investments have put you in a strong position for the future. Let's assess whether you can retire comfortably in a tier 2 city with your current assets:

With a net worth of 4.2 crores, including investments, real estate, and other assets, you have accumulated a significant amount for retirement.

Your monthly expenses of 60K are relatively modest compared to your net worth and monthly income of 1.8L, which is a positive sign for retirement planning.

The absence of any outstanding loans, coupled with life and health insurance coverage, provides financial stability and security for you and your spouse.

Retirement readiness depends on various factors, including your desired lifestyle in retirement, inflation, healthcare costs, and potential unforeseen expenses.

Given your substantial net worth and relatively low monthly expenses, you may have the option to retire comfortably in a tier 2 city, especially if you continue to manage your finances prudently.

However, it's essential to consider factors such as inflation, healthcare expenses, and potential market fluctuations that could impact your retirement corpus over time.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend conducting a detailed retirement projection analysis to assess whether your current assets are sufficient to sustain your desired lifestyle throughout retirement.

Additionally, continue to monitor and adjust your investment portfolio as needed to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Remember, retirement is not just about financial readiness but also about emotional and psychological preparedness. Ensure you have meaningful activities and pursuits planned for your retired life.

With careful planning and ongoing financial management, you can look forward to a comfortable and fulfilling retirement in your tier 2 city.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

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I am 49 yrs with monthly expense of 2 Lakhs and corpus of 7 CR so can i retire now with life expectancy of 75 yrs
Ans: Retirement Feasibility Analysis: Exploring Your Retirement Options
At 49 years old, contemplating retirement with a monthly expense of ?2 lakhs and a corpus of ?7 crores is a significant decision. Let's delve into whether you can comfortably retire now, considering a life expectancy of 75 years.

Evaluating Financial Stability
With annual expenses totaling ?24 lakhs, we must ascertain if your corpus can sustain your lifestyle throughout retirement. Calculating your withdrawal rate from the corpus is crucial.

Withdrawal Rate Assessment
Dividing annual expenses by retirement corpus:

?24 lakhs / ?7 crores = 0.342.......

Your withdrawal rate is approximately 3.43%.

Sustainable Withdrawal Rate
A withdrawal rate around 4% is often deemed safe for retirement planning. Your rate of 3.43% suggests that your corpus may adequately support your expenses in retirement.

Longevity Considerations
Given your life expectancy of 75 years, it's prudent to acknowledge the possibility of living longer. Advancements in healthcare indicate the need for financial preparedness beyond this age.

Risk Management Strategies
To address longevity risk and safeguard financial security:

Regularly reassess expenses and adjust withdrawal rates to accommodate inflation and lifestyle changes.
Diversify investments across asset classes to optimize returns and mitigate risk.
Periodically review retirement plans with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure alignment with goals.
Conclusion
Your financial situation suggests that retiring now could be feasible, given your corpus and expenses. However, it's imperative to remain vigilant regarding longevity risk and inflation to ensure sustained financial well-being throughout retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Money
I’m divya!!my age is29 I earn around 99000 per month ,my husband age is 37 and he is earning around 135000 per month, we have the housing loan of 18 lakhs and we have 2 lakks in stocks ! We want to retire at the age of 50 of my husband with 15 crore !tell us ur opinion
Ans: Hello Divya!

It's great that you're thinking ahead about retirement. Planning for your future is essential, especially if you want to retire at 50. Let's dive into your financial situation and goals to create a comprehensive plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Status
First, let's summarize your current financial situation:

You earn Rs 99,000 per month.
Your husband earns Rs 1,35,000 per month.
You have a housing loan of Rs 18 lakhs.
You have Rs 2 lakhs invested in stocks.
Together, your household income is Rs 2,34,000 per month, which is a strong financial foundation. You aim to accumulate Rs 15 crores by the time your husband reaches 50, which gives you about 13 years to achieve this goal.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals
Retiring with Rs 15 crores is a significant and ambitious goal. It's important to understand the purpose behind this number. Is it to maintain a certain lifestyle? Ensure long-term financial security? Or perhaps to leave a legacy for your children? Clarifying these aspects will help shape your investment strategy.

Income and Expense Analysis
With your combined monthly income of Rs 2,34,000, it's essential to track your expenses.

Housing loan EMI
Household expenses
Savings and investments
Emergency funds
Discretionary spending
Creating a detailed budget will help identify areas where you can save more and invest wisely. Aim to save and invest at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

The Importance of Diversified Investments
Diversification is key to managing risks and maximizing returns. You currently have Rs 2 lakhs in stocks, which is a good start. However, relying solely on stocks can be risky. Here are some options to consider:

1. Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are a great way to diversify. They are managed by professionals and offer exposure to various sectors. Actively managed funds, in particular, have the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, which simply track the market. An experienced fund manager can make strategic decisions to outperform the market.

2. Debt Instruments

Include debt instruments in your portfolio to balance risk. Fixed deposits, bonds, and government schemes offer stable returns and lower risk compared to equities. This ensures a steady income stream during volatile market conditions.

3. Equity Funds

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. These funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, offering the potential for capital appreciation. Choose funds with a good track record and managed by reputable fund managers.

4. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Investing in mutual funds through SIP is a disciplined way to build wealth over time. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, averaging out the purchase cost and reducing the impact of market volatility.

Debt Management
Your housing loan of Rs 18 lakhs needs to be managed efficiently. Paying off high-interest debt should be a priority, but since home loans typically have lower interest rates and offer tax benefits, you can balance between paying off the loan and investing. Ensure you’re not over-leveraged and keep your debt-to-income ratio healthy.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It acts as a financial safety net for unexpected expenses. Ideally, it should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, so consider keeping it in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund.

Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is vital to protect your family's financial future. Ensure you have sufficient life insurance and health insurance. Avoid mixing insurance with investment. Traditional policies like endowment or ULIPs often offer lower returns compared to pure investment products. Focus on term insurance for life cover and invest the rest in mutual funds.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can save you a substantial amount of money. Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS mutual funds, PPF, and NPS. These not only help in reducing your taxable income but also contribute to your long-term wealth accumulation.

Regular Portfolio Review
Your investment portfolio should be reviewed regularly. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time, and your investment strategy should adapt accordingly.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Achieving a retirement corpus of Rs 15 crores requires a strategic approach. Without getting into specific calculations, consider these factors:

Expected Returns: Historically, equity investments have provided higher returns compared to other asset classes. Aim for a balanced portfolio that can offer around 10-12% annual returns.
Inflation: Factor in inflation, which erodes the purchasing power of your money over time. A 6-7% inflation rate should be considered in your calculations.
Savings Rate: Increase your savings rate as your income grows. Bonuses, increments, and windfalls should be directed towards your retirement fund.
Investing Through Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you in creating a personalized investment strategy. Investing through regular funds with the help of an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) who has CFP credentials ensures professional management. This approach is beneficial over direct funds, where you might miss out on expert advice.

Risk Management
Understand your risk tolerance. Equities are volatile but can offer high returns. Debt instruments are stable but offer lower returns. A balanced portfolio considers both risk and return, ensuring your investment journey is smooth and less stressful.

Achieving Financial Independence
Retiring at 50 means planning for a longer retirement period. Ensure your investments are sustainable and can provide a steady income post-retirement. Consider the following:

Annuities: Not recommended due to their low returns and inflexibility.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investments regularly, ensuring a steady income.
Building Wealth with Consistency
Consistency is the key to building wealth. Regular investments, disciplined saving habits, and prudent financial decisions will help you achieve your retirement goal. Avoid the temptation of quick-rich schemes and stick to your long-term plan.

Final Insights
Retiring with Rs 15 crores by the age of 50 is achievable with a well-structured plan. Focus on diversified investments, manage your debts, ensure adequate insurance coverage, and regularly review your portfolio. Engaging a Certified Financial Planner can provide the expertise needed to navigate complex financial decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

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Hello Sir. I am 42 years old.my monthly earning rs.95000.I am investing 40,000 per month from July,24 in mutual funds and 5L in lumsump MF in ICICI prudential energy opportunities fund.rs.24000 in RD in bank.Currently corpus is 25L in ppf, 25L in PF,20L in FD ,45L in LIc.i have one son age 8 yrs.i have own car, bike. I have parental house.If I have to retire at the age of 60 and require monthly 5 lakhs, is it possible, and if yes, what should be my strategy?
Ans: Current Financial Situation
You have a stable monthly income of Rs. 95,000.

You invest Rs. 40,000 per month in mutual funds since July 2024.

You have invested Rs. 5 lakhs in a lump sum mutual fund.

You save Rs. 24,000 monthly in a recurring deposit.

Your corpus includes:

Rs. 25 lakhs in PPF
Rs. 25 lakhs in PF
Rs. 20 lakhs in FD
Rs. 45 lakhs in LIC
You have an 8-year-old son.

You own a car, a bike, and have a parental house.

Goal: Retirement at 60
You wish to retire at 60 and need Rs. 5 lakhs monthly post-retirement.

Analysis of Current Investments
Your current investments are diversified:

Mutual funds for growth
PPF and PF for safety
FD for liquidity
LIC for insurance and savings
This is a balanced approach. However, to meet your goal, adjustments are needed.

Mutual Funds
Continue with mutual funds for growth. They provide higher returns over time. Consider diversifying into large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. This reduces risk and ensures steady growth.

Recurring Deposit
Recurring deposits offer fixed returns. However, they are less effective for long-term growth. You might consider redirecting some RD funds into equity mutual funds. This can potentially provide better returns.

PPF and PF
These are excellent for long-term safety. They provide tax benefits and guaranteed returns. Continue these for stability and safety in your portfolio.

Fixed Deposits
FDs provide liquidity but offer lower returns. Consider reallocating some funds into more growth-oriented investments. This can help in building a larger retirement corpus.

LIC Policies
LIC policies often offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. Consider reviewing your policies. If they are investment-cum-insurance, think about surrendering and investing in mutual funds. Use a term insurance plan for pure risk cover.

Lump Sum Investment
Your lump sum investment in a sector-specific fund is high risk. Consider diversifying into diversified equity funds. This reduces risk and ensures better long-term growth.

Strategy for Achieving Retirement Goal
Increase SIP Contributions
Increase your monthly SIP contributions. Aim for at least 50% of your monthly income. This ensures a larger corpus over time.

Diversify Investments
Diversify across various mutual funds. Include large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. This spreads risk and maximizes returns.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio every six months. Rebalance to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps in staying aligned with your goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund of at least 6 months of expenses. Park this in liquid funds for easy access. This ensures financial stability during emergencies.

Retirement Planning
Start planning for retirement expenses. Consider inflation and rising costs. Use retirement calculators to estimate the required corpus. Adjust your investments accordingly.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide tailored strategies. A CFP ensures your investments are aligned with your retirement goals.

Final Insights
Your current investments are on the right track.

Increase your SIP contributions for better growth.

Diversify your mutual fund investments.

Review and rebalance your portfolio regularly.

Seek professional guidance for a tailored approach.

With disciplined investing, achieving your retirement goal is possible.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:
Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.


Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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