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48, Not Working, 80 Lakhs: How to Plan SWP & Grow Principal?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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Greetings, I am 48 yrs old, not working due to health reasons. I have 80 lakhs at the moment. My monthly expenses is approx 50K. How can I plan for SWP and at the same time gain capital appreciation for the principal amount?

Ans: You have Rs. 80 lakh and need Rs. 50,000 monthly. Your goal is to withdraw steadily while growing your capital. A smart mix of debt and equity investments will help.

Split Your Investment for Stability and Growth
Keep Rs. 10 lakh in a Liquid Fund or FD

Acts as an emergency fund
Ensures liquidity for 1.5 years of expenses
Invest Rs. 30 lakh in Debt Mutual Funds

Provides stability and low volatility
Helps generate regular cash flow
Allocate Rs. 40 lakh in Balanced Equity Funds

Offers long-term growth
Helps beat inflation and preserve capital
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) Strategy
Withdraw Rs. 50,000 monthly from Debt Funds

Ensures steady income
Keeps equity investments untouched for growth
Rebalance Every Year

Shift equity profits to debt
Maintain the withdrawal strategy
Final Insights
This approach balances security and growth
Your corpus will last longer with this strategy
Review your plan annually for adjustments
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Sir.. I am NRE I want to start SWP plan after 5 years 2030 with 1 cr. If I invest this 5 years stocks or SIP after 5 years that money I have to again invest in SWP in this case I have to pay the Capital gain tax before transfer the money from SIP orstocks. My plan I will start 10 L with SWP plan and every year's I can put 20 L in SWP and after 5 years I can start the with drawal 0.5 %.SWP plan I donot have clear idea. Need expert advaise SWP can I start now and increase my investment in same plan yearly?
Ans: An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from your investment. This provides a steady income flow while keeping your remaining investment growing.

Investing for 5 Years
You can invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. This balance will provide growth and stability.

Equity Mutual Funds
Invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. They offer growth potential over five years.

Debt Mutual Funds
These funds are less volatile and provide stability. Consider investing part of your funds here.

Capital Gains Tax
When you sell stocks or mutual funds, you must pay capital gains tax. This applies before you transfer funds to an SWP.

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG)
For equity, gains over Rs. 1 lakh are taxed at 10% if held for more than a year. For debt, the tax is 20% with indexation if held for more than three years.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG)
For equity, gains are taxed at 15% if held for less than a year. For debt, gains are added to your income and taxed as per your slab.

Starting SWP with Rs. 1 Crore
After five years, you can move Rs. 1 crore into an SWP. Start withdrawing 0.5% monthly.

Example
If you start with Rs. 10 lakhs, withdraw Rs. 50,000 per month. Increase your investment yearly by adding Rs. 20 lakhs.

Increasing Investments Annually
Yes, you can increase your SWP investment yearly. This can help grow your corpus and increase your withdrawal amount over time.

Final Insights
Invest in a balanced mix of equity and debt mutual funds. Understand the capital gains tax implications. Start SWP with Rs. 1 crore and withdraw 0.5% monthly. Increase your investment yearly for a growing income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Money
Sir, I am retired person , I have sufficient saving in equity market and mutual fund , but i need continuous monthly income for that thinking for equity SWP after one year , which scheme in SWP is best on current scenario.
Ans: Sir, I appreciate your proactive approach to managing your post-retirement finances. You have a solid foundation with sufficient savings in the equity market and mutual funds. Now, you are looking for a steady monthly income, which is a prudent move.

Your focus on Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) is wise. SWPs offer regular income while keeping your investments intact, ensuring that you don’t have to liquidate your assets prematurely. This approach can help you manage your retirement expenses smoothly.

Evaluating SWP: A Strategic Approach
Before discussing specific SWP options, it’s important to understand the broader strategy. Your choice of SWP should align with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Let's assess these factors in detail.

Your Financial Goals
Monthly Income: You need a continuous, steady income to cover your living expenses. This income should be inflation-adjusted to maintain your purchasing power over time.

Capital Preservation: While generating income, it's vital to preserve your capital. You want your investments to last throughout your retirement years.

Growth Potential: Though you’re focused on income, growth remains important. A small portion of your portfolio should aim for capital appreciation to counter inflation.

Risk Tolerance
Moderate Risk: At this stage, your risk tolerance should be moderate. You can take some risk for higher returns but must avoid high-risk investments that could erode your capital.

Market Volatility: Given the current market scenario, it's important to select investments that can withstand volatility while still providing a steady income.

Market Conditions
Current Scenario: The market conditions can change rapidly. Therefore, flexibility in your SWP plan is essential. It’s important to choose funds that can adapt to changing market dynamics.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Given your goal of regular income, actively managed funds offer significant advantages over index funds or ETFs. Let’s explore why actively managed funds are more suitable for your needs.

Flexibility and Adaptability
Active Management: Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers. These managers adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, aiming to maximise returns while minimising risk.

Better Downside Protection: During market downturns, actively managed funds can shift to safer assets, protecting your capital better than index funds.

Tailored Strategy
Income Focus: Actively managed funds can focus on generating regular income. They can invest in dividend-paying stocks or interest-bearing bonds, aligning with your need for a continuous income stream.

Customized Risk Management: These funds can be tailored to match your risk tolerance, offering a mix of equity and debt that suits your profile.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Let’s also address why index funds or direct mutual funds may not be the best choice for your SWP strategy.

Lack of Flexibility in Index Funds
No Active Management: Index funds simply track a market index and do not offer active management. They cannot adapt to changing market conditions, which can be risky during downturns.

Market-Driven Returns: Your returns are directly tied to market performance. If the market declines, so do your returns, which can affect your SWP income.

Challenges with Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not involve the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). This means you’re on your own when it comes to selecting and managing your investments.

Inconsistent Performance: Without professional management, the risk of selecting underperforming funds increases. This can impact your overall returns and the sustainability of your SWP.

Choosing the Right SWP: Criteria to Consider
Selecting the right SWP involves more than just picking a scheme. It’s about ensuring that the fund aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market outlook.

Fund Type and Objective
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds are designed to balance risk and reward by dynamically adjusting their equity and debt allocations based on market conditions. They offer a good mix of stability and growth potential.

Hybrid Funds: These funds combine equity and debt, providing income through dividends and interest. They are less volatile than pure equity funds and can offer more stable returns for your SWP.

Performance Track Record
Consistency: Look for funds with a consistent performance track record over multiple market cycles. This indicates that the fund management team can navigate different market conditions effectively.

Risk-Adjusted Returns: Focus on funds that offer good risk-adjusted returns. This means they provide higher returns relative to the level of risk they take on.

Expense Ratio and Tax Efficiency
Lower Expense Ratio: Choose funds with a reasonable expense ratio. High expenses can eat into your returns, reducing the effectiveness of your SWP.

Tax Efficiency: Consider the tax implications of your SWP. Long-term capital gains from equity funds are taxed at 10% after Rs 1 lakh. Debt funds offer indexation benefits, making them more tax-efficient for long-term investments.

Setting Up Your SWP: Steps for Implementation
Once you’ve selected the right funds, setting up your SWP involves a few key steps. This ensures that you start receiving your monthly income smoothly.

Determine the Withdrawal Amount
Sustainable Withdrawal: Calculate the withdrawal amount that your portfolio can sustain. With Rs 60 lakhs, a withdrawal rate of 4-5% is generally considered safe. This translates to an SWP of around Rs 20,000 to Rs 25,000 per month initially, adjusting for inflation over time.

Inflation Adjustment: Plan to increase your SWP amount gradually to keep pace with inflation. This ensures that your purchasing power remains intact.

Monitor and Review Regularly
Annual Review: Review your SWP plan annually to ensure it remains aligned with your needs and market conditions. Adjust the withdrawal amount or switch funds if necessary.

Rebalance Portfolio: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps manage risk and optimise returns.

Addressing Common Concerns: A Practical Perspective
It’s natural to have concerns about your SWP strategy. Let’s address some common ones to ensure you feel confident about your plan.

Market Volatility Impact
Short-Term Fluctuations: Market volatility is inevitable, but a well-chosen SWP can withstand short-term fluctuations. Funds with a balanced or hybrid approach provide a cushion during market downturns.

Long-Term Perspective: Keep a long-term perspective. While markets may be volatile in the short term, they generally trend upwards over the long run, supporting the sustainability of your SWP.

Running Out of Money
Sustainable Withdrawal Rate: Sticking to a sustainable withdrawal rate (4-5%) helps ensure that your portfolio lasts throughout your retirement. Avoid withdrawing too much too soon.

Growth Component: Including a growth component in your portfolio helps your capital grow over time, reducing the risk of running out of money.

Final Insights
Sir, setting up an SWP is a smart move for generating a steady monthly income during retirement. It allows you to enjoy the fruits of your investments without liquidating your entire portfolio.

Focus on choosing the right funds, considering actively managed options that align with your goals and risk tolerance. Avoid index funds and direct funds, as they may not offer the flexibility and professional management you need at this stage.

Regularly review and adjust your SWP plan to keep it aligned with your needs and the market conditions. By doing so, you can enjoy a comfortable and worry-free retirement with a reliable income stream.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 41 years. I have 50 lakhs cash, i want to do swp this amount to get 70k monthly from march 2025. Could you please suggest me how to proceed in this case?.. Thanks
Ans: You are looking for a solution to generate Rs 70,000 monthly using a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from Rs 50 lakhs starting in March 2025. Let's explore a few options that will balance regular income needs with potential growth, all within a safe risk framework. Since you have around 5 months until March 2025, it’s important to plan now.

Below is a comprehensive analysis that will help you achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Objective
You have Rs 50 lakhs to invest.

You need Rs 70,000 monthly starting March 2025.

You are 41 years old, which means you have a long financial horizon and can afford a mix of growth and safety.

Medium risk tolerance.

To ensure the monthly withdrawal of Rs 70,000 doesn’t deplete your capital too quickly, a balanced approach is required. Let's consider mutual fund options suited for a medium-risk profile.

Why a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)?
SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount every month while the rest of your investment continues to grow.

This approach avoids keeping the entire amount in a low-interest product like an FD, where inflation will erode the real value.

With SWP, you also get tax efficiency. Your withdrawals are partially treated as capital gains and partially as a return of capital, reducing the tax burden.

Importance of Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is critical to meeting your monthly income needs without depleting your corpus. In your case, you need:

Regular income to start in March 2025.

Growth potential to ensure the capital lasts long-term.

Here’s how you can structure your allocation:

Equity-Oriented Hybrid Funds (60% allocation): These funds provide a mix of equity and debt exposure. They offer the potential for higher returns while keeping risk in check. Equity exposure ensures long-term growth, while the debt portion provides stability.

Debt-Oriented Hybrid Funds (40% allocation): These funds have a higher debt exposure but still provide some equity exposure for growth. The debt portion ensures regular returns and reduces volatility.

This mix gives you both stability and growth to meet your withdrawal goals.

How to Invest
Step 1: Invest the Lump Sum
Since you need to start the SWP in March 2025, the first thing to do is invest the Rs 50 lakhs. You can split this across equity-oriented and debt-oriented hybrid funds. The reason for hybrid funds is that they are less volatile than pure equity funds but still offer growth potential.

Split the Rs 50 lakhs as:

Rs 30 lakhs in equity-oriented hybrid funds.

Rs 20 lakhs in debt-oriented hybrid funds.

The idea is to get the best of both worlds — growth from equity and stability from debt.

Step 2: Set Up the SWP
By the time you start the SWP in March 2025, your investment will have had a few months to generate some growth. The returns from these funds should help in providing your desired monthly withdrawal without depleting the capital too fast.

You can set up an SWP for Rs 70,000 per month. It’s important to keep an eye on the performance of the funds and adjust your withdrawals if necessary. If the markets are down, withdrawing less can help preserve your capital.

Tax Considerations
It is crucial to be aware of the tax implications of SWP withdrawals.

For Equity Funds: If you hold the funds for more than 12 months, the gains are classified as long-term capital gains (LTCG). Currently, LTCG is taxed at 12.5% on gains exceeding Rs 1.25 lakhs per year. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

For Debt Funds: Any gains made after 3 years are considered long-term and taxed at your income slab. Short-term gains are taxed according to your income tax slab as well.

Since SWP withdrawals are treated as a combination of capital gains and return of principal, the tax impact is usually lower than regular income.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds can be a better option than index funds or direct funds. Here’s why:

Flexibility: Actively managed funds allow fund managers to change the asset allocation based on market conditions. This means they can reduce risk or enhance growth as needed.

Better Performance: Over time, actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in a medium-risk scenario like yours, where the objective is to preserve capital while generating regular income.

Professional Management: Having a Certified Financial Planner managing your funds means you benefit from expert knowledge, which can help in maximizing returns and minimizing risks.

Avoid direct funds, as they do not offer the same personalized support that investing through a CFP-certified MFD offers. This support is crucial when dealing with market fluctuations and planning SWP withdrawals.

Keeping Inflation in Mind
Inflation is a key consideration for a medium to long-term withdrawal plan. A monthly withdrawal of Rs 70,000 in 2025 might not hold the same value after 10 or 15 years due to inflation.

You need to regularly review your withdrawals and possibly increase them every few years to keep pace with inflation. This is where actively managed funds help, as they offer growth potential to combat inflation. You can set up a periodic review with your Certified Financial Planner to adjust your SWP as needed.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Once your SWP starts, regular monitoring of the portfolio is essential. Market conditions, fund performance, and your changing needs must all be taken into account. By working with a Certified Financial Planner, you can ensure that your SWP continues to meet your needs without depleting your capital too quickly.

Set up a 6-monthly or annual review of your investment to check the performance.

Adjust the SWP amount based on the market and personal requirements.

Stay flexible. You can reduce withdrawals if the market is down and increase when it's favorable.

Alternatives if SWP Alone Isn’t Sufficient
If you feel that an SWP alone won’t meet your future financial needs, consider the following options:

Increase the Corpus: Adding to your Rs 50 lakh corpus over time will give you more flexibility and safety. You can invest additional amounts in the same funds and set up a larger SWP in the future.

Dividend Payouts: Some hybrid funds also offer dividend payout options. These dividends can supplement your SWP withdrawals, ensuring you meet the Rs 70,000 target each month.

However, dividends are now taxed as per your income tax slab, so SWP is generally a more tax-efficient option.

Preparing for Market Downturns
Since hybrid funds have exposure to equity, there will be some market volatility. It’s important to mentally prepare for market downturns. Here are a few tips:

Do not panic if the market drops temporarily.

Avoid selling the funds prematurely unless necessary.

Keep a buffer of 3-6 months’ worth of expenses in a safer investment like a liquid fund. This will ensure you do not need to withdraw during market corrections.

Having a buffer also gives your investment time to recover if there’s a short-term dip.

Final Insights
Generating Rs 70,000 per month from Rs 50 lakhs is possible with the right strategy. Using an SWP from a combination of equity and debt-oriented hybrid funds can help you achieve your goal while preserving your capital.

It’s important to stay patient, review your investment regularly, and make adjustments as needed. With active fund management and a Certified Financial Planner guiding you, you will have a clear path to generating a reliable monthly income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1108 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 30, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 53 years, planned for retirement in 3 years. Have MF investment about 80 lacs, FDs about 20 Lacs, will invest 50 lacs in the coming three years through investment in MF. I don’t have any loan, living in my own home. My current monthly expenditure is Rs 65,000. How can I plan with the above corpus for my retirement so as get monthly payout? Whether to go for SWP - Balanced advantage funds or SWP- Debt funds for my monthly income? Is this correct plan? I will be needing 75,000 per month after my retirement. How much LTCG will I have to pay on 75,000 per month? Will there be any exit load while changing to SWP? What should be my investment strategy? Can you suggest some SWP funds?
Ans: Hello;

If you put your current corpus (1 Cr) in a equity savings type mutual fund with moderate risk(for eg Kotak equity savings fund)then it may grow to 1.3 Cr in 3 years.

Your 50 L additional investments staggered over 3 years in the same fund may yield you a corpus of around 60 L. (Modest return of 9% considered).

If you do SWP at 3% you may expect post tax income of 41.5 K.

Alternately if you buy an annuity from a life insurance company for your corpus then considering 6.5 % annuity rate you may expect post tax income of 77 K.

You can do SWP also at 6.5% rate but you run the risk of eating into your corpus heavily during prolonged drawdowns or sideways movements of the market.

SWP from equity oriented(hybrid) schemes is tax efficient solution for monthly income but it has its own set of risks and other negative aspects.

Ranking preference for retirement income should be as follows:
1. Statutory pension
2. POMIS
3. SCSS (Quarterly income)
4. FDs with big Govt banks
5. Rental income
6. Annuity
7. SWP

SWP is recommended for those who retire early, say in 40s, and also have a big corpus so that minimum SWP rate can meet monthly requirements and corpus can grow atleast to beat inflation for the longer retirement period.

Happy Investing;

..Read more

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I am a bsc graduate and in two months I will be 23 years old but mbbs is my dream and goal. I would like to purse it now and preparing for neet exam. Can you give you advice on this sir
Ans: ELIGIBILITY RELATED TO AGE:
Eligibility for appearing in NEET (UG), as per related Regulations of NMC
and DCI are as follows:-
5.1.1. He/she has completed 17 years of age at the time of admission or will
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CODE: 06
B.Sc. Examination of an Indian University provided that
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two of the subjects Physics, Chemistry, Biology (Botany,
Zoology)/Biotechnology and further that he/ she has passed
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There is no need to worry about the age limit because the NTA is not concerned about your upper age limit. However, your educational qualifications must match the requirements. You fall under the Code 6 category.

If you have completed your undergraduate degree in Science (which you didn’t mention, but I’m predicting), consider whether stating your BSc is worthwhile. Ultimately, your eligibility depends on matching your Higher Secondary Certificate (HSC) qualifications. If your HSC does not align with the requirements, you will not be eligible to appear for NEET. If you are eligible based on your HSC, then focus on your HSC score rather than Code 6.

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I had a very bad past where I was in physical relationship with like 10 guys that was due to the earlier relationship I had where I was being used financially and physically that hurt and me and I got really f***** up in my mind so I started dating guys just for physical relationship then the last guy I was in relationship with I got pregnant with a baby and I aborted it because I did not want to have a future with him and also I did not have confidence to grow that baby. then 4 months later I met my husband I fell in love with him at the first meet and we had physical thing at the very first meet. during the second meet he read the group chat between me and my friends where we spoke bad words ,my husband was not okay with that and he was really feeling bad about it and he started to talk about our break up.I was waiting for my final yr results when I met him soon I got my result then I have to start my internship my husband paid 5 lacs rupees for me but he was anxious that I will be with the friends who I was talking bad words with in college and he wanted to have a breakup and he fighted everyday with that reason .I promised him that I will not be that person anymore and I won't talk to my friends. one day I helped my friend with work for which my husband got angry and he wanted to have a break up and he started to talk about the last guy which I said that he was a friend before and I don't talk to him anymore then he raised question about him and then I told him that I was having a Friends with benefit relationship with him, then things got bitter and he seriously wants break up this time,.everyday he talks to me about that and fights with me I stop going to college .one day I made a suicide attempt and then 2 days after he started talking to me normally. soon again he started asking all those questions about the last guy I have been with, he asked very minute questions about the day and dates and he fighted with me everyday for that. there is a friend of mine who knows everything about my past ,in all these chaos,things got bitter between me and her and we stop talking. one day my husband talked to her and he asked everything about me and he got to know all about my past and he said that he took all the history of my chats ,apps and photos and asked me questions repeatedly and I told him everything completely without hiding anything. then things got messed up. I was really distressed, then my family got involved and things got very bitter, he told everything about my past to my mother. one day, they made me stop talking to him. he sent message to my sister in law and brother about my past, then my mother went to my husband's sister and told her that my husband is making a big mess not allowing me to go to internship and he has all our intimate pictures then things got Messed up more and he stopped talking to me. he was just asking me the 5 lakhs rupees he paid for me and then we stopped talking for about a week, I turned completely insane during that period and I sent him txt that I am not able to live without him .then we started talking, few days after he was okay with me going to the college then again he started fighting he was not ok with me to go to college. then we decided to get register married which a day later he denied.then I ran away from my house to him ,he received me and I was with him for 3 months we lived together for 3 months during which period he spoke really bad of me because of my past which I endured because I was really feeling guilty of my past and I thought I deserved it. he was asking even all those small personal things and he hurted me so much with his words which was mere verbal abuse ,meanwhile I got pregnant then he introduced me to his family and then we got married registered in front of our family. it was an inter religious marriage. all this time he controls me for every little thing like I should do this and I should do that which I did not take seriously then. now everything got secured my mom wanted me to complete my degree in my hometown because I was not able to complete it anywhere else but my husband was not ok with me going to my hometown to complete my degree because of my past things. I have financial things to take care of because of the money spent for my degree so I was thinking to make a deal either to finish my degree or I wanted my husband to give back the money that was spent for my degree because he said so but then later he started to humiliate my family for expecting money from me and he told that they we just see me as an investment to earn back the money they spent on me. But my family wanted me to complete the degree at the first place.this created a lot of arguments between me and him . Finally,one day my mom approach his family and she wanted me to come with her to complete my degree but my husband was not ok with it and I was still supporting him my mom told that she will die if I didn't complete my degree because that was all that she dreamed for me her entire life. then they sent me to my hometown with my mom to complete my degree. after coming here my husband did not talk to me for 2 days, then he texted me that he does not want to live with me. he told that I and my family were being fake and we were using him and we broke him into pieces and made him go through the pain which he did not deserve. I got really emotional and I told him that I wanted to go back to him. he told me that he will take me to him the next day that he will book a bus for me to reach back to him but he did not contact me the next day .then a day later he started making arguments again this time, he said that he wanted divorce from me because he cannot have a life with me .he told that he does not want to be in my life and our child's life, if I want he can give financial support for my child's growth. I denied the money and I told him that I am not willing for a divorce unless or otherwise he wants to marry another girl then he 3 hrs later, he sent a letter of intent to divorce and I did not reply for it .what should I do now?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As bad or hurtful as it may sound to you, you have simply thrown your life at the mercy of others. They have used you as a puppet only because you have given them permission to do so...past relationships and even now.
What you should do now is:
1. Ask an elder member (not your mother) of the family to intervene and talk to him and his side of the family to see if there is any scope for reconciliation. If there is, then your husband has got to stop playing these games of wanting you one day and then not wanting you the next. It's highly toxic to live with someone who trusts you for a moment and then asks you to prove your innocence the next moment. The two of you will need to get into Intensive Therapy as a couple to put things back together.
2. If there is no scope for reconciliation, please get a good lawyer who can secure the baby's future and yours.

Though you haven't asked me this, for your own good I suggest:
Please understand that no man is going to make you happy. So, depending on them despite the fact that can act toxic, is only draining you mentally and emotionally. Evaluate for yourself what you want from life besides being in relationships constantly. A break from it all will actually help you, you know. At least it will give you sense of how you can be by yourself and what you value the most in your life. Once you get past this stage, you will be stronger to draw boundaries and know how to enforce them. No one will be able to walk over you and you will be able to reclaim your identity.
You come first and your baby is going to need a strong mother raising them. So, step up NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationship
My father in law dislikes my cooking. My husband also feels I can learn a thing or two from my mother in law. Honestly, I am not passionate about cooking or household chores. I can make my tea, fold my clothes, keep my room organised. Beyond that I cannot contribute because I also have a day job. I don't like being compared to other women who can cook, clean, do the dishes and also manage their work. This conversation always leads to arguments at home. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Integrate yourself well into the family; showing interest in cooking and actually doing it are two different things. At times, family members just end up testing you through what you do or not do. Showing interest and in fact praising you mother-in-law and actually learning a dish or two the way she makes it isn't going to hurt you or put a dent in your work life. In fact, they will appreciate that you tried and leave you alone.
Going on a tangent to prove that you have a day job and that you don't like to be compared etc leads to unwanted conversations and arguments. But what is it getting you other than putting you on a spotlight where they target you again. Instead take the spotlight off of you by integrating better; they will leave you alone and in fact even support you. Right now, all this nagging is only to gain your attention and you are giving into it...Integrate...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1553 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I caught my partner cheating on me with other women on a discreet dating app. He apologised once saying he joined it for fun, he wasn't serious. But I am unable to get over the incident. Recently, I discovered that he has changed his phone's password. I don't know if I should trust him again. If I find out that he is cheating on me again, it will break my heart. We have been together for 7 years. Can one incident really change your relationship? Since I confronted him, I have become more suspicious. Am I overthinking? Should I give him another chance or slowly part ways?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honesty is the core of any relationship and when this is in question like in your relationship, it's obvious that you are going to think and process every move and action of his.
The key here is to separate his actions from what is important to you. Let's assume for a moment that what is important to you is Honesty...then all is actions will be evaluated against this, isn't it? This game will go on and stress you. Instead, hold on to the fact that honesty is non-negotiable and that's that!
Now, assure him that at any point in time he has the space and liberty to talk to you about anything. This will ensure that you are accommodating. Being in a understanding space can put men at ease and who knows his wayward ways may end soon. But, hey you know best...But also know this, once the seed of doubt is set in, it's only going to grow. So, decide whether you want to trust him and if he really is someone you can put your trust on. You will know that being with him for 7 years...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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