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How Can I Afford a Good Education for My 12-Year-Old Son and 9-Year-Old Daughter?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi, i am 34 and my salary is 45 k monthly now, my son is 12 years & daughter is 9 years. How can i give good education to son & daughter pls suggest me. Thank you so much.

Ans: As a parent, ensuring quality education for your children is a top priority. Your children are now at crucial ages—your son is 12, and your daughter is 9. The next few years will be pivotal as they transition to higher education. With a monthly salary of Rs 45,000, let’s explore how you can plan wisely for their future education.

Your current financial situation, income, and expenses need to align with your goals. The objective is to provide your children with the best educational opportunities, without creating undue financial stress.

I will guide you step-by-step through a detailed plan, which is not just about investments but also about creating a holistic approach to your finances.

Assessing Your Financial Health
Before making new investments, evaluate your current finances. Ask yourself:

Are you saving enough each month after meeting household expenses?

Do you have an emergency fund in place? Ideally, this should cover at least 6 months of expenses.

Have you reviewed your existing investments and insurance plans recently?

Setting up a strong foundation will help you stay prepared for unexpected challenges and ensure uninterrupted education for your children.

Setting Clear Education Goals
Start by estimating the cost of your children’s education. Consider:

School fees, coaching classes, extracurricular activities for the next 4-5 years.

Higher education costs, which can be significantly high, especially for professional courses.

Inflation impacts education costs. What costs Rs 1 lakh today could be Rs 2-3 lakhs in 10 years. Planning ahead will reduce the burden when the time comes.

Building an Education Corpus
To secure your children’s education, you need a dedicated education fund. Here’s how to build it:

Start an SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): SIPs in mutual funds can be an effective way to accumulate wealth over time. Invest small amounts monthly, which can grow significantly with compounding.

Diversify Investments: Do not rely solely on fixed deposits or savings accounts. These often give lower returns compared to inflation rates. Instead, consider mutual funds, which can offer better returns in the long term.

Choose Actively Managed Mutual Funds: Avoid index funds and direct funds due to the lack of personalized guidance and potential underperformance. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you receive tailored advice.

Debt Funds for Short-Term Needs: For needs within the next 3-5 years, allocate funds in debt mutual funds. These are relatively safer, with stable returns.

Equity Mutual Funds for Long-Term Goals: Since your son will likely need funds for college in about 5-6 years and your daughter in 8-9 years, equity mutual funds can be ideal. Equity funds can offer higher returns if invested over a longer period.

Insurance and Risk Management
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. This will protect your family from unexpected events that could derail your financial goals.

Health Insurance: Secure a comprehensive health insurance policy for your family. This will prevent you from dipping into your savings in case of a medical emergency.

Term Life Insurance: If you don’t already have a term plan, consider one. It should cover at least 10 times your annual income. This ensures that, in your absence, your family’s financial needs, including your children’s education, are taken care of.

Reducing Debt and Managing Expenses
Debt can eat into your monthly savings, making it difficult to allocate funds for your children’s education. Focus on:

Clearing High-Interest Loans: If you have any outstanding personal or credit card loans, prioritize paying them off. These can significantly impact your savings.

Budgeting for Savings: Track your expenses diligently. Aim to save at least 20-30% of your monthly income for future goals. Use apps or spreadsheets if needed to monitor spending.

Creating a Balanced Portfolio
A balanced approach to investing will help secure your financial goals while minimizing risks.

Equity Allocation: Allocate around 60-70% of your savings to equity mutual funds if you are comfortable with market risks. Over time, this will provide the growth needed for long-term goals.

Debt Allocation: Keep about 30-40% in debt funds, fixed deposits, or other stable instruments. This will provide liquidity and stability to your portfolio.

Review Annually: Markets change, and so do your financial needs. Review your investments with your Certified Financial Planner once a year. Rebalancing your portfolio helps optimize returns.

Tax Planning for Maximum Savings
Taxes can erode your investment returns if not planned properly. To optimize your tax savings:

Invest in Tax-Saving Mutual Funds (ELSS): These funds have a lock-in period of 3 years but offer tax benefits under Section 80C.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): If you have a PPF account, continue investing. The returns are tax-free, and it's a risk-free way to save for the long term.

New Taxation Rules on Mutual Funds: Be aware of the recent changes. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh from equity mutual funds are now taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. For debt mutual funds, LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.

Tax planning can significantly boost your savings and help you reach your education fund goals faster.

Saving for Higher Education: Strategic Steps
Estimate Future Education Costs: Get a clear idea of how much you will need in the next 5-10 years. Use online calculators or consult with a Certified Financial Planner for estimates.

Automate Investments: Set up automatic transfers to your investment accounts. This ensures you remain disciplined and consistent.

Stay Informed: The financial world changes rapidly. Keep yourself updated on new schemes, funds, and tax laws that can benefit your plans.

Monitor Progress: Every 6 months, assess whether your investments are on track to meet your goals. Adjust the amounts if needed.

Final Insights
Your dedication to your children’s education is truly commendable. Planning ahead with clear financial strategies can help you achieve this goal, even with a modest income.

By creating a structured approach to saving and investing, you can secure a bright future for your children. This will also ensure that their educational dreams are not limited by financial constraints.

If you need more guidance, consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner to create a tailored plan that suits your needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I am 44 yrs old. Having 2 children 14 and 11yrs old. Pls advice a better SIP plan for their higher education.
Ans: Here's some guidance to choose a better SIP plan for your children's higher education (remember, I dont want to recommend specific schemes online ):

Investment Horizon:

Consider the time frame until your children's higher education (roughly 10-15 years for each).
Risk Tolerance:

Aggressive investments have higher growth potential but also more fluctuations. A moderate approach might be suitable given the long timeframe.
Investment Options:

Equity SIPs: Invest in diversified equity mutual funds (across large, mid, and small-cap) for potentially higher returns over the long term. However, be prepared for market ups and downs.
Balanced SIPs: These invest in a mix of equity and debt, offering a balance between growth potential and stability.
SIP Strategy:

Start Early, Invest Regularly: Even a moderate SIP amount started early can benefit from compounding over a long period.
Staggered SIPs: Consider investing a portion of the SIP amount in each child's name to potentially benefit from market fluctuations.
Additional Considerations:

Child Education Goal Planning: Estimate the potential cost of higher education (including inflation) to determine the total investment corpus needed.
Review and Rebalance: Periodically review your SIPs and rebalance the portfolio if needed to maintain your risk tolerance.
Tax Planning: Explore tax-saving options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds that offer tax benefits.
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

A CFP can create a personalized investment plan for your children's education needs. They can consider factors like your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and future education costs to recommend suitable SIP plans and asset allocation.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Hello sir , I am 32 year old I am a salaried person around 60k per month and want to start SIP for my children education I have two children one is 6 year old and another one is 3 year old. Please suggest me the best
Ans: It's fantastic that you're thinking ahead and planning for your children's education at such a young age. Starting SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) is a smart way to build a corpus for their future educational expenses.
Considering your financial situation and your children's ages, here's a suggested approach:
1. Set Clear Goals: Determine the amount you'll need for each child's education, factoring in inflation and the type of education you aspire for them. This will help you set realistic investment targets.
2. Choose Suitable SIPs: Opt for diversified equity mutual funds that have a track record of consistent performance and align with your investment goals and risk tolerance. Look for funds with a long-term horizon and a focus on capital appreciation.
3. Allocate Funds Wisely: Divide your SIP investments among different funds to spread risk and maximize growth potential. Consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to achieve diversification and optimize returns.
4. Start Early and Stay Consistent: Time is your biggest ally when it comes to investing. Start your SIPs as soon as possible to benefit from the power of compounding. Even small, regular investments can grow substantially over time with discipline and consistency.
5. Review and Adjust Regularly: Periodically review your SIP investments to ensure they're on track to meet your goals. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your financial situation, market conditions, and investment objectives.
6. Stay Disciplined: Avoid the temptation to withdraw or stop your SIPs during market fluctuations. Stay focused on your long-term goals and continue investing consistently, regardless of short-term market movements.
7. Consider Tax Implications: Keep tax efficiency in mind while selecting SIPs. Opt for funds with favorable tax treatment like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for potential tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
Remember, education is one of the most valuable investments you can make for your children's future. By starting SIPs early and staying disciplined, you can build a solid financial foundation to provide them with the best opportunities for education.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am having Rs 60000 per month to invest. My older daughter is 10 years old and I also have 2 twin daughters who are 2 years old. Kindly guide how I can divide my investment so that I can generate a corpus for their education
Ans: You’re in a significant phase of life. Your focus on your daughters’ education is commendable. You have Rs. 60,000 per month to invest. This is a good starting point. Let’s plan how to use this amount to secure your daughters' futures. The goal is to generate a substantial corpus for their higher education. We will consider inflation, education costs, and your financial stability.

Assessing Your Financial Situation
First, it's important to assess your current financial situation:

Monthly income allows you to invest Rs. 60,000.
Your daughters are aged 10 and 2 years (twins).
You likely have other financial commitments.
Given these factors, we'll structure a plan that aligns with your goals while ensuring financial security.

Prioritising Educational Corpus
Education costs are rising rapidly. You need to plan with a focus on inflation. For your elder daughter, who is 10, you have around 8 years before she starts her higher education. For the twins, you have approximately 16 years. We’ll create a separate investment strategy for each to optimise returns.

Investment Strategy for Your Elder Daughter (10 Years Old)
1. Diversified Equity Funds

Investing in diversified equity funds is essential. They offer higher returns in the long term, outpacing inflation. Allocate Rs. 30,000 monthly to these funds. This will allow the corpus to grow over the next 8 years. Actively managed funds, when chosen carefully, can provide better returns than index funds. Certified Financial Planners can help select funds that align with your goals and risk profile.

2. Balanced Funds

Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. They provide stability while offering moderate returns. Allocate Rs. 10,000 monthly to these funds. This will help in managing risks associated with market fluctuations.

3. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

A portion of your investment should go into safe, government-backed schemes. The PPF is a good option. It offers tax benefits under Section 80C and provides a steady, risk-free return. Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to PPF. The amount will grow steadily, offering a safe cushion in case the equity market underperforms.

4. Education Savings Plan

Consider an education-specific savings plan. These are tailored to meet education expenses. They offer tax benefits, and the maturity amount is generally tax-free. Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to such a plan. This ensures a guaranteed corpus for your elder daughter’s education.

Investment Strategy for Your Twin Daughters (2 Years Old)
1. Long-Term Equity Mutual Funds

For the twins, you have more time to invest. Long-term equity mutual funds can generate substantial wealth. Allocate Rs. 20,000 monthly to these funds. Over the next 16 years, these funds can significantly multiply your investment, ensuring a robust corpus for their education.

2. Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)

The Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana is specifically designed for the education and marriage of girl children. It offers high interest rates and tax benefits. Consider allocating Rs. 10,000 monthly to SSY for your twins. This is a secure, long-term investment option that aligns well with your goals.

3. Debt Funds

Debt funds are safer and offer stable returns. Although returns are lower compared to equity funds, they are less volatile. Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to debt funds. This diversifies the risk in your investment portfolio.

4. Gold Funds or Sovereign Gold Bonds

Gold is a good hedge against inflation and market risk. Investing in gold funds or Sovereign Gold Bonds can provide stability to your portfolio. Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to gold investments. Over the long term, this can act as a financial safeguard.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Before you invest, ensure that you have an emergency fund in place. This should cover at least 6 months of your household expenses. It acts as a financial safety net, ensuring that your investments are not disrupted by unforeseen circumstances.

Monitoring and Reviewing Investments
Your investment strategy should be dynamic. Review your portfolio at least once a year. Assess the performance of your funds and make adjustments as needed. Market conditions, economic changes, and your financial situation can change. It’s important to remain flexible.

Risk Management
While equity investments offer higher returns, they come with risks. Diversification is key to managing these risks. By spreading your investments across various asset classes—equity, debt, and gold—you reduce the impact of market volatility.

Tax Planning
Make sure that your investments are tax-efficient. Instruments like PPF, SSY, and certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. This reduces your tax liability and maximises your returns.

Long-Term Commitment
Investing for your daughters’ education requires long-term commitment. Stay invested, even during market downturns. Over time, the market tends to recover, and your investments will grow.

Finally
Your decision to invest Rs. 60,000 monthly is a significant step towards securing your daughters’ future. A well-diversified portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and government-backed schemes will help you build a substantial corpus for their education. Review your investments regularly, stay disciplined, and avoid withdrawing funds prematurely. Your commitment today will ensure that your daughters have the financial support they need for their education.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello lam 32old l have 4kids earn 1L per month how to make investment kids education
Ans: Planning for your children's education is a commendable goal, and it's great to see you taking steps towards it. With a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh and four kids to provide for, a well-thought-out investment strategy is essential. Let's dive into the details.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Before investing, understand your financial situation. Earning Rs 1 lakh per month gives you a solid base. However, with four kids, your expenses will be significant. Hence, planning and budgeting are crucial.

Setting Clear Goals
First, set clear goals. Determine the cost of education for each child. Factor in inflation, which increases the cost of education over time. Setting specific goals helps you stay focused.

Creating a Budget
Create a monthly budget to manage your expenses. Track your income and expenditures. This will help identify areas where you can save more money. Savings are the foundation of your investment.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is vital. It ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances. Aim to save at least six months' worth of expenses in a liquid savings account.

Prioritising Insurance
Adequate insurance is essential. Ensure you have sufficient health insurance coverage for your family. Life insurance is also critical to protect your family financially in your absence.

Diversifying Investments
Diversify your investments to reduce risk. Different investment options provide varying returns and have different risk levels. Diversification balances risk and return.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are an excellent option for long-term goals like education. They are managed by professional fund managers and offer the benefit of diversification.

Benefits of Mutual Funds for Education Goals
Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers. They make investment decisions based on thorough research and analysis. This professional management helps in optimizing returns while managing risks.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of securities. This diversification spreads risk across different assets, reducing the impact of any single investment's poor performance.

Flexibility: There are various types of mutual funds catering to different risk appetites and investment horizons. For education planning, you can choose from equity funds, debt funds, or balanced funds, depending on your risk tolerance and time frame.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This disciplined approach helps in averaging the cost of investment and building a substantial corpus over time. SIPs are ideal for long-term goals like children's education.

Tax Efficiency: Some mutual funds, like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. This reduces your tax liability while helping you save for your children's education.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are superior to index funds. Fund managers use their expertise to outperform the market. They provide better returns compared to index funds, which merely track market indices.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential is beneficial. Regular funds come with expert advice and guidance. Direct funds, on the other hand, require you to make investment decisions yourself. Professional guidance reduces the chances of making poor investment decisions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. They allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. This helps in averaging the cost of investment and building a corpus over time.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a government-backed savings scheme. It offers tax benefits and attractive interest rates. It is a safe investment option for long-term goals like children's education.

National Savings Certificate (NSC)
NSC is another government-backed scheme. It provides guaranteed returns and tax benefits. It's a low-risk investment option suitable for conservative investors.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
If you have daughters, consider SSY. It is specifically designed for the girl child's education and marriage expenses. It offers high returns and tax benefits.

Child Education Plans
Child education plans offered by insurance companies combine insurance and investment. They provide financial protection and help in building a corpus for education. However, these plans may come with high charges. Hence, evaluate them carefully.

Avoiding ULIPs
Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs) combine insurance and investment. However, they have high charges and complex structures. Separate your insurance and investment needs for better returns.

Reviewing Investments Regularly
Regularly review your investments. Ensure they align with your goals. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Adjust your investments as needed.

Starting Early
The earlier you start investing, the better. Time allows your investments to grow. Compounding works best when you invest for the long term.

Educating Yourself
Financial literacy is crucial. Understand the basics of investing. Read books, attend seminars, and consult with your CFP. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions.

Involving Your Children
Involve your children in financial planning. Teach them the importance of saving and investing. This helps them understand the value of money and prepares them for future financial responsibilities.

Evaluating Your Risk Tolerance
Assess your risk tolerance. Different investments have different risk levels. Choose investments that match your risk appetite. This ensures you are comfortable with your investment choices.

Setting Up a Separate Account
Set up a separate account for your children's education fund. This keeps the funds earmarked for their education and reduces the temptation to use them for other expenses.

Automating Investments
Automate your investments. Set up auto-debit instructions for SIPs and other investments. This ensures regular investments without fail.

Tax Planning
Plan your taxes efficiently. Utilize tax-saving instruments like PPF, NSC, and ELSS. This reduces your tax liability and increases your investable surplus.

Seeking Professional Advice
Seek advice from a CFP. They provide tailored advice based on your financial situation and goals. Their expertise helps you make the right investment choices.

Avoiding Emotional Decisions
Avoid making emotional decisions. Market volatility can tempt you to make hasty decisions. Stay focused on your long-term goals and avoid reacting to short-term market movements.

Monitoring Inflation
Monitor inflation. The cost of education rises with inflation. Ensure your investments are growing at a rate higher than inflation to meet your goals.

Utilizing Education Loans
Consider education loans as a backup. They can fund higher education without straining your finances. However, aim to save and invest enough to avoid relying solely on loans.

Staying Disciplined
Discipline is key to successful investing. Stick to your investment plan. Avoid unnecessary expenses and stay committed to your savings goals.

Balancing Current and Future Needs
Balance your current and future needs. While saving for education is important, ensure you meet your current financial responsibilities. A balanced approach prevents financial stress.

Encouraging Scholarships
Encourage your children to excel academically. Scholarships reduce the financial burden of education. Motivate them to participate in scholarship programs and competitions.

Exploring Part-time Work
Part-time work teaches responsibility and the value of money. Encourage your older children to take up part-time jobs or internships. This not only adds to their education fund but also provides work experience.

Minimizing Debt
Minimize debt to maximize savings. Avoid unnecessary loans and credit card debts. Interest payments on debt reduce your investable surplus.

Living Within Means
Live within your means. Maintain a lifestyle that suits your income. This ensures you have enough savings for your children's education.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Avoid high-risk investments. While they offer high returns, they also come with high risks. Stick to safer investment options for education goals.

Reinvesting Returns
Reinvest returns from your investments. This helps in compounding and growing your corpus faster. Avoid withdrawing investment returns for short-term needs.

Leveraging Employer Benefits
Leverage employer benefits like provident fund and employee stock options. These can add to your savings for your children's education.

Keeping Updated with Policies
Stay updated with government policies. Policies related to education and savings schemes change. Staying informed helps you take advantage of beneficial schemes.

Understanding the Cost of Education
Research the cost of education. Understand the fees and expenses involved in different courses. This helps in setting realistic goals and planning accordingly.

Encouraging Savings Habit
Encourage a savings habit in your family. Make saving a family activity. This creates a culture of saving and financial responsibility.

Utilizing Mobile Apps
Use mobile apps for budgeting and investing. They help track your expenses and investments easily. Many apps offer insights and advice on managing finances.

Final Insights
Investing in your children's education is a noble goal. It requires careful planning and disciplined execution. With a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh, you have the potential to build a substantial education fund. Set clear goals, diversify your investments, and seek professional advice. Start early and stay disciplined. Your efforts today will secure a bright future for your children.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

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Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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