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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8940 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 10, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2025
Money

I am 32, earning Rs 2 lakh per month with a home loan EMI of 57,000 and education loan EMI of 11,000. I send 30,000 to my parents in Indore. I've been investing 20,000 monthly in SIPs across largecap and flexicap funds. I recently received a 5 lakh annual bonus. Should I use it to prepay my home loan or invest in SIPs for better long-term growth?

Ans: You are 32 years old and already earning Rs. 2 lakh monthly. That’s a strong start. You're managing Rs. 57,000 home loan EMI and Rs. 11,000 education loan EMI. You send Rs. 30,000 to your parents monthly. You also invest Rs. 20,000 SIP in largecap and flexicap funds. You have now received a Rs. 5 lakh bonus.

You want to know whether to prepay your home loan or invest this Rs. 5 lakh in SIPs.

Let us analyse both options step by step, from a full 360-degree perspective.

We will look at all angles and give you a practical plan.

Understanding Your Current Monthly Flow
Monthly income is Rs. 2 lakh.

Home loan EMI is Rs. 57,000.

Education loan EMI is Rs. 11,000.

You send Rs. 30,000 to your parents in Indore.

You invest Rs. 20,000 monthly in SIPs.

Your fixed monthly outgo is Rs. 1.18 lakh.

So, you are left with Rs. 82,000 monthly.

You need to manage your rent, food, travel, savings and other expenses from this.

It shows that your finances are stable and under control.

You also have discipline in investing regularly.

Receiving Rs. 5 lakh bonus gives you a chance to fast-track your goals.

Thinking About the Home Loan
Home loan EMI is Rs. 57,000 per month.

Most home loans run for 20 years.

The interest outgo is very high in early years.

Prepayment in early years reduces interest greatly.

Prepayment does not attract any penalty in most home loans.

But if you claim full home loan interest benefit under Section 24, check tax impact.

Full deduction up to Rs. 2 lakh per year is allowed.

If you prepay too much, you may lose some of this tax benefit.

Also, home loan gives long repayment term. That gives cash flow flexibility.

So, we need to evaluate if locking bonus into prepayment is the best use.

Education Loan Angle
EMI of Rs. 11,000 is small compared to income.

Education loans give tax benefit under Section 80E.

You get deduction for interest paid. No cap for years if loan is in active status.

But the benefit continues only for 8 years from start of repayment.

Also, education loan interest rate is often higher than home loan.

If your education loan is old and at high interest, partial repayment makes sense.

Otherwise, it can be kept as is if affordable.

Benefits of Mutual Fund SIPs
You already invest Rs. 20,000 in mutual funds monthly.

This is a very good habit.

Largecap and flexicap funds are balanced choices for long-term wealth.

These funds can grow faster than loan savings, over long time.

But mutual funds are volatile. They carry risk in short term.

SIPs work well if invested for 7 years or more.

For long-term goals like retirement, child’s future, or financial freedom, SIP is better.

But lump sum investment must be done only after risk review.

What Is the Best Use of the Rs. 5 Lakh Bonus?
Let us look at multiple good ways to use this bonus.

We will evaluate each angle separately.

Option 1: Use Full Bonus to Prepay Home Loan
You save a large amount in total interest over time.

It reduces EMI burden or shortens loan term.

You reduce stress in monthly cash flow in future.

But the money gets locked in the house.

You cannot access it in an emergency.

It does not grow in value.

It gives guaranteed savings, but not wealth creation.

If you have no emergency fund, this option is risky.



Option 2: Invest Full Rs. 5 Lakh in Mutual Funds
You create long-term wealth from this bonus.

Over 10 years, this can double or more.

You can use this later for a big goal like early retirement.

But mutual funds have risk of loss in short term.

Also, no guaranteed returns.

You need to stay invested long term and stay calm during market ups and downs.

If you have no emergency fund, again, this is not safe.

Emergency Fund Comes First
Before you choose prepayment or SIP, ask this first:

Do you have 6 months’ expenses saved as emergency fund?

Your monthly expenses are about Rs. 1.2 to 1.3 lakh.

So, emergency fund should be at least Rs. 7.5 to 8 lakh.

If you don’t have this yet, you must build it first.

Emergency fund should be kept in liquid mutual fund, FD, or savings account.

This gives peace and security during job loss, health crisis or big expense.

This also allows SIPs and EMIs to continue in hard times.

Use Rs. 1.5 to 2 lakh from the bonus to build emergency fund.

This is your foundation.

Ideal Split of Rs. 5 Lakh Bonus
Instead of putting all in one place, do a balanced split.

This gives you safety, peace, growth and loan savings together.

Here is a good model:

Rs. 2 lakh: Build emergency fund (if not already there)

Rs. 1 lakh: Partial prepayment of education loan (especially if interest is high)

Rs. 2 lakh: Invest in mutual funds for long term

This is a 360-degree plan.

It covers immediate safety, medium-term saving, and long-term growth.

It does not lock everything in the house or in markets.

It also keeps your risk low and returns reasonable.

Extra Suggestions to Strengthen Finances
Continue SIPs at Rs. 20,000 monthly.

Once education loan closes, increase SIP by Rs. 11,000 monthly.

Do not stop SIP even after buying a house.

Review your SIP funds once a year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Choose regular funds through a trusted MFD. Avoid direct funds.

Direct funds do not give guidance. They seem cheap but lead to poor decisions.

MFD with CFP helps in fund selection, discipline and rebalancing.

Invest in growth plans only if you are sure of the holding period.

If you plan to withdraw in less than 3 years, do not invest in equity.

Create goal-based SIPs – one for retirement, one for parents, one for your own freedom.

Review all insurance. Have term insurance and health cover already in place.

Track expenses for three months. Cut non-useful spends and increase savings.

Keep bonus or any windfall money for meaningful goals only.

Never mix consumption (like holidays) with your wealth-building money.

Tax Points to Keep in Mind
You will not pay tax for home loan prepayment.

But mutual fund gains are taxed on sale.

Short-term capital gains (within 1 year) – taxed at 20%.

Long-term capital gains (after 1 year) – first Rs. 1.25 lakh gain is tax-free.

Above that, taxed at 12.5%.

So, hold mutual funds for long term to get benefit.

Do not redeem mutual funds in panic or to pay EMI.

Always sell only after 1 year to reduce tax and maximise growth.

Finally
Rs. 5 lakh bonus is a gift. Use it wisely.

Don’t rush to prepay loan just because it feels good.

Don’t invest all into mutual funds only thinking of high returns.

First, secure your base with an emergency fund.

Next, reduce high-interest loans partially.

Then, invest the rest for long-term wealth creation.

This gives you strong financial health.

You feel secure, flexible and confident.

A Certified Financial Planner can review your full plan yearly.

This gives you the right direction in all seasons of life.

Stay invested, stay protected, and keep growing step by step.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8940 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Sir, I am Vitthal 39 Year old I have a monthly in hand salary of 67,000 INR. I have a Home Loan outstanding of Rs 27,00,000 and EMI on That Rs 24000 Rate of 9.15%, other expenses for 20,000. I Invest MF SIP 3000/Month, PPF 1000/month , NPS 30000/Yearly from Last Two years . Rest of above my monthly saving is rs 15 to 17K. Please advice Should i repay Home Loan or invest in MF SIP ?
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Situation
Hi Vitthal,

It's great to see your proactive approach towards financial planning. Managing a monthly salary of Rs 67,000 with various commitments shows your dedication. You have a home loan with a significant EMI, and you're investing in mutual funds (MF) through SIP, PPF, and NPS. Your savings of Rs 15,000 to 17,000 each month show good financial discipline.

Evaluating Loan Repayment Versus Investment
You face a common dilemma: should you repay your home loan faster or invest in mutual funds? Both options have their merits and understanding these will help you make an informed decision.

Home Loan Repayment: Pros and Cons
Pros of Repaying Home Loan
Reduced Interest Burden: Prepaying your loan reduces the total interest paid over time. This can be a significant saving.

Debt-Free Living: Being debt-free provides peace of mind and financial freedom. It reduces monthly financial commitments.

Guaranteed Returns: The interest saved by prepaying is a guaranteed return equivalent to your loan interest rate (9.15%).

Cons of Repaying Home Loan
Liquidity Crunch: Using excess savings to repay the loan may reduce your liquidity. Having cash available for emergencies is crucial.

Opportunity Cost: The potential returns from investments could be higher than the interest saved on loan repayment.

Investing in Mutual Funds: Pros and Cons
Pros of Investing in Mutual Funds
Potential Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, can offer higher returns compared to the interest rate on your home loan.

Compounding Effect: Long-term investments benefit from compounding, enhancing your wealth significantly over time.

Tax Benefits: Certain mutual funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C, optimizing your tax liability.

Cons of Investing in Mutual Funds
Market Risk: Mutual funds are subject to market risks. The returns are not guaranteed and can fluctuate based on market conditions.

Short-Term Volatility: Investments can be volatile in the short term, which might be concerning if you need funds urgently.

Detailed Analysis and Recommendation
Considering your scenario, let's weigh these options more analytically.

Loan Interest vs Investment Returns
Your home loan has an interest rate of 9.15%. To justify investing rather than repaying the loan, your investments should ideally yield higher than 9.15%. Actively managed mutual funds have historically provided returns that can potentially exceed this threshold. However, they come with risks.

Financial Goals and Risk Tolerance
Risk Appetite: Assess your risk tolerance. If you prefer stability and lower risk, prepaying the loan might suit you better. If you can handle market fluctuations, investing might be more beneficial.

Financial Goals: Define your financial goals. If you aim for wealth creation, investments can offer higher growth. If your priority is debt freedom, loan prepayment is better.

Liquidity and Emergency Funds
Maintaining liquidity is essential. Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability in unforeseen circumstances.

Structured Approach
Balanced Strategy: You could adopt a balanced strategy by allocating a portion of your savings towards prepayment and another portion towards investments. This balances debt reduction and wealth creation.

Regular Fund Investments: Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management and guidance. They can help navigate market complexities and maximize returns.

Conclusion
Your financial health is commendable, and your savings discipline is impressive. A balanced approach, considering your risk tolerance and financial goals, is key. Whether you lean towards loan repayment or investment, ensure you maintain liquidity and have a clear strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8940 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I am Vitthal 39 Year old I have a monthly in hand salary of 67,000 INR. I have a Home Loan outstanding of Rs 25,00,000 and EMI on That Rs 24000 Rate of 9.15%, other expenses for 20,000. I Invest MF SIP 3000/Month, PPF 1000/month , NPS 30000/Yearly from Last Two years . Rest of above my monthly saving is rs 15 to 17K. Please advice Should i repay Home Loan or invest in MF SIP ?
Ans: Your financial planning and savings strategy is noteworthy. You have managed to balance investments, expenses, and home loan repayments effectively. A Rs 15,000-17,000 surplus after expenses, despite existing commitments, reflects disciplined financial habits.

Let us evaluate whether it is better to repay your home loan or increase SIP investments. This analysis will focus on long-term financial benefits and risk management.

Key Considerations for Decision-Making
1. Home Loan Analysis
Interest Rate Impact: Your home loan has a 9.15% interest rate. This is moderately high compared to historical averages for home loans. The effective cost of the loan after considering tax benefits under Section 24(b) can be slightly lower, especially if you're in the 20% or 30% tax bracket.

EMI and Liquidity: Your Rs 24,000 EMI is manageable, given your Rs 67,000 monthly income. However, prepaying the loan reduces future interest payments, providing risk-free savings.

Tenure and Interest Outflow: If you prepay, the loan tenure reduces, leading to significant interest savings. Prepayment offers a guaranteed return equivalent to the loan interest rate, adjusted for tax benefits.

2. SIP Investments
Higher Returns Potential: Equity mutual funds typically deliver higher returns (10-12%) over the long term. This can outperform the cost of your loan, even after factoring in taxation on capital gains.

Market Risks: SIPs in equity mutual funds involve market risks. Short-term volatility may impact returns, but long-term investments generally stabilize and grow wealth.

Flexibility and Growth: SIPs allow compounding of returns and disciplined investing. Continuing SIPs ensures you take advantage of market ups and downs for rupee cost averaging.

Comparison: Prepay vs Invest
Advantages of Prepaying the Home Loan
Guaranteed savings on interest payments.
Reduction in financial liability.
Increased peace of mind with lower debt.
Advantages of Investing in SIPs
Higher wealth creation over the long term.
Greater liquidity compared to prepaying a loan.
Helps in building a diversified investment portfolio.
Tax Implications
Home Loan: The interest component qualifies for deductions up to Rs 2 lakh under Section 24(b). This effectively reduces the net cost of the loan, depending on your tax slab.

Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Comparing the post-tax cost of your loan and post-tax returns on investments helps make a balanced decision.

Strategic Approach: A Balanced Plan
Instead of focusing on just one option, consider splitting your surplus between prepaying the loan and investing in SIPs. Here’s how:

1. Continue Existing SIPs and Investments
Your Rs 3,000 SIP, Rs 1,000 PPF, and Rs 30,000 yearly NPS investments are excellent.
These create a diversified portfolio for long-term goals and retirement planning.
2. Allocate Surplus Wisely
Use Rs 10,000-12,000 from your monthly savings to prepay the home loan. This helps reduce interest outflow significantly over time.
Direct the remaining Rs 5,000-7,000 to increase SIPs in equity mutual funds. This ensures you benefit from market growth.
3. Emergency Fund
Maintain at least six months' worth of expenses, including EMI, in a liquid fund or savings account. This ensures you can handle emergencies without financial stress.
4. Tax Planning
Claim maximum deductions available on the home loan.
Evaluate LTCG tax implications when redeeming mutual fund investments in the future.
Benefits of a Balanced Plan
Reduces debt gradually while maintaining liquidity.
Balances risk between fixed returns (loan repayment) and market returns (SIP investments).
Builds a safety net for emergencies while growing wealth.
Points to Monitor Regularly
1. Interest Rate Trends
Keep an eye on your home loan interest rate. If rates rise, consider increasing prepayment amounts.
2. Investment Performance
Periodically review your mutual fund portfolio. Ensure funds align with your goals and risk profile.
3. Tax Changes
Stay updated on tax rules for home loans and investments. This can influence the financial benefits of each option.
4. Financial Goals
Assess your financial goals every year. Adjust investments and repayment strategies accordingly.
Final Insights
Your current financial strategy reflects strong discipline and foresight. By balancing home loan prepayments with increased SIP investments, you can enjoy the best of both worlds—reduced debt burden and wealth creation.

This approach ensures you are financially secure while building a robust portfolio for future goals. Keep monitoring your financial health and make adjustments as needed.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8940 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2025
Money
Hello Sir. I'm 36. I earn net 1.25L per month. I have Plot Loan Outstanding 17L roi is 9%, 12 years pending, EMI 23k per month. I also have Personal Loan, outstanding 17 Lakhs,3 years pending, EMI 28k per month. I invest 12k per month for SSY for my daughter and 10K SIP in MF. I save about 10K monthly after all expenses. Please guide can I use that savings for prepayment of loan or to increase the SIP. MF + Stocks - 6L SSY - 3L Emergency Fund - 3L Term insurance - 1.5CR - Premium - 30K annualy. Health Insurance - 15L - Premium - 30K annualy. LIC - 8L insured - 36K annually Plot - worth 40L - Loan outstanding Please advise sir.
Ans: You have made a disciplined start towards financial planning. Your family responsibilities are being handled well, especially your daughter’s SSY and the insurance covers.

Let us now assess your current financial picture, and explore suitable action points.

Income, Expenses and Loan Burden
Your monthly income is Rs. 1.25 lakh.

Plot loan EMI is Rs. 23,000. Personal loan EMI is Rs. 28,000.

Total EMI is Rs. 51,000 per month. That is 40% of your income.

This is a high EMI-to-income ratio. It limits your flexibility.

Your monthly SIP is Rs. 10,000. SSY is Rs. 12,000 per month.

You save Rs. 10,000 monthly after all these.

Your committed outflow is around Rs. 83,000 monthly. This needs careful planning.

Assessment of Your Loans
Personal loan is expensive. Tenure is short. EMI is high.

Plot loan is long-term. EMI is moderate. But interest rate is also high.

Personal loan is not asset-backed. Interest is high without tax benefit.

Plot loan is secured. Interest is also high but offers tax benefit.

Total outstanding loan is Rs. 34 lakh. That is 27 times your monthly income.

This is a financial stress point. Needs correction step-by-step.

Investments and Insurance Review
Mutual fund + stocks total is Rs. 6 lakh.

Emergency fund is Rs. 3 lakh. You are well-covered for 3 months' expenses.

SSY corpus is Rs. 3 lakh. A good start for your daughter.

Term insurance of Rs. 1.5 crore is ideal. You are rightly covered.

Health insurance of Rs. 15 lakh is sufficient for now. Good family protection.

LIC policy of Rs. 8 lakh sum assured, with Rs. 36,000 premium yearly.

LIC plans are low-yield. You may evaluate this further.

Your Financial Strengths
You are consistently saving. That is a great habit.

You have SSY for your daughter. A strong step as a father.

You have term and health covers. Risk management is in place.

You have SIP in mutual funds. You are investing for the future.

Emergency fund of Rs. 3 lakh gives you safety.

Your Financial Pressure Points
Two large loans are a burden. EMI eats away 40% income.

Personal loan interest is costly. It slows down wealth growth.

LIC policy is eating Rs. 3,000 monthly. Returns are not linked to inflation.

Limited surplus for investments due to EMI load.

Equity investments are just Rs. 6 lakh. Needs increase over time.

Ideal Action Plan — Step-by-Step
1. Personal Loan Repayment First

This loan is costlier than plot loan.

It has short tenure. Paying extra saves more.

Use monthly savings of Rs. 10,000 to prepay personal loan.

Do not increase SIP now. Prioritise debt clearance.

Even a partial prepayment every 6 months will help.

2. Stop LIC Policy After Evaluation

LIC gives low returns. Around 4–5% annually.

You are already insured through term policy.

If this LIC is not a pension or ULIP, consider surrender.

Use surrender value to prepay personal loan or invest in mutual funds.

Reinvesting this Rs. 36,000 annual premium in mutual funds is better.

3. Hold SIP Steady, Don’t Increase Yet

You are investing Rs. 10,000 per month in SIP. Keep it unchanged.

Do not stop or reduce SIP unless emergency arises.

Use only savings and LIC money for loan prepayment, not SIP money.

Your SIP should continue to compound long-term.

4. SSY Contribution is Mandatory

Rs. 12,000 monthly SSY for daughter is locked-in. That’s fine.

This is a social commitment. Let it continue.

It will create a corpus at her age 21. Don’t disturb this.

5. Keep Emergency Fund Intact

You have Rs. 3 lakh emergency fund.

That covers 3 months' expenses. Good decision.

Do not use this for loan prepayment or investment.

Keep it in a liquid fund or sweep-in FD for access.

6. Avoid Direct Stocks or High-Risk Assets Now

You already hold Rs. 6 lakh in MF and stocks.

Stocks are volatile. You are in a debt-heavy phase.

Avoid buying more stocks till loans are reduced.

Focus on debt reduction, not aggressive returns.

7. No New Loans or Commitments

No gold loan, credit card EMI, or gadgets on EMI.

No car loan or new real estate plan.

Avoid real estate as investment. It's illiquid and costly.

Your plot is for long term. Keep it that way.

8. Regular Fund Investments Preferred

You may have SIPs in direct plans. These look cheaper.

But direct funds do not offer advice or personal review.

Wrong fund choice in direct plan can lower returns.

Regular plans via CFP-backed MFD ensure guidance and tracking.

Long-term returns improve with portfolio review and timely changes.

9. Stay with Actively Managed Mutual Funds

Index funds may look simple and low-cost.

But index funds lack flexibility. They mimic the market.

In falling markets, index funds fall fully. No downside protection.

Actively managed funds give better defence and opportunity.

Let fund managers make dynamic decisions for better outcomes.

10. Monitor and Review Every 6 Months

Keep track of loan balances and interest saved.

Review SIPs and funds with CFP every 6 months.

Check if additional surplus can be used to prepay loans.

Once personal loan is cleared, divert that EMI into SIP.

Over time, increase SIP to Rs. 20,000 monthly.

11. Children’s Education Plan Later

Your daughter’s SSY is a good start.

After clearing personal loan, build an education fund.

Begin with Rs. 5,000 monthly SIP when surplus increases.

Use child-specific mutual funds with 10–12 year horizon.

12. Retirement Planning from Age 40

You are 36 now. Clear loans in 3–4 years.

From age 40, begin long-term retirement SIPs.

SIP of Rs. 20,000 monthly for 20 years builds good retirement wealth.

Delay in retirement planning can lead to pressure later.

13. Avoid Frequent Changes or Panic

Stick to your strategy. Be consistent.

Don’t stop SIP during market fall.

Don’t switch funds without reason or advice.

Avoid short-term goals with equity mutual funds.

14. Use Surplus Cash or Bonus Wisely

Use any annual bonus to prepay loans.

Avoid spending bonus on lifestyle upgrades.

Any maturity from LIC or FD should go to loan or SIP.

15. Tax Planning Must be Optimised

You are investing in SSY, ELSS may be part of SIP.

Avoid traditional plans for tax benefit alone.

Use term plan and ELSS for tax and growth.

Finally
You are already making smart money choices. That’s encouraging.

Clear personal loan first. It frees up cash and mind.

LIC surrender and reinvestment improves returns.

Keep SIPs running. Keep SSY untouched.

Increase SIP later with surplus from EMI reduction.

Build a child education fund post-loan closure.

Retirement savings can start at age 40 with higher SIP.

Don’t invest in real estate now. Avoid gold loans and credit EMIs.

Review your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner every 6 months.

Your journey is strong. With right steps, you will create lasting wealth.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |602 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025
Relationship
Why do men ghost after sex? I met this amazing guy on Hinge. He was 27, well-mannered, and worked in a data firm in Mumbai. We spoke daily for three months and had amazing chemistry. From music to food, we discussed everything under the sun. We went on a couple of dates to get to know each other. When we got comfortable, we got intimate and eventually had consensual s** at his friend's house party. One week after we got intimate, he just vanished. No replies, no calls. It was my first time, so I kept wondering if I had done something wrong to upset him. My friend says it could be post-intimacy guilt. But I feel embarrassed, ashamed. I can't shake off the shame. Did I move too fast? Is this how dating works now? How can I go back to feeling normal again?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am really sorry you are going through this. What happened is just as confusing as it is hurtful. Let’s get one thing straight, you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault here. Nothing you could’ve done or said should or could cause this reaction.
Coming to your first question, it is very difficult to answer it without generalizing all men. But some of the most reasons for this could be:
He got what he wanted. It sounds crass but in most cases, this is the truth. He had no intentions of being more than just that.
He might be avoiding responsibility. He didn’t want more, and the mature thing would have been to sit down and have that discussion with you. But, maturity isn’t easy and he chose the easy route, that is to ghost. His decision to disappear is a reflection of his nature, not yours.
Coming to what your friend said, it could be that too, but the chances are slim. Some men do feel overwhelmed but disappearing for over a week is a stretch. Again, it’s his unreadiness to feel so many emotions, not yours.
Now, I want to gently nudge you towards one thing: you said you feel ashamed. Shame creeps in when you hold yourself accountable for someone else’s actions. And also due to societal prejudice. Keep both aside, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Did you move too fast? To be honest, there is no fast or slow in these things. There’s no set timeline. You did what you felt was right in the moment. And you were ready to step up, but he went MIA. The entire unfortunate turnout is not because of your pace but his lack of respect. Even if he comes up with a good enough reason for this disappearing act, I still want you to remember that not even for a second, you had anything to create this situation.


I hope this helps.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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