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Drowning in Debt: Can a Student Escape 12 Lakh Rupee Burden?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir i am in 12 lakh rupees debt.I am student .I have no earning sources and no savings also.Im my family there is my mother only.please guide sir.please help sir.

Ans: I appreciate your courage to seek help during these challenging times. As a Certified Financial Planner, I'll provide you with a 360-degree plan to help you overcome your debt. Let's work step-by-step to ease your burden.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Your current debt of Rs 12 lakh is a significant challenge. However, with the right approach, it is possible to clear it.

Since you are a student with no current earnings, we will need to take a strategic approach to manage and eventually eliminate your debt.

It's crucial to remain calm, take control, and focus on practical solutions. We will also look at how to reduce financial stress on your mother.

Immediate Steps to Reduce Debt Pressure
Prioritise Your Expenses: Identify necessary expenses and cut down on any non-essential spending. Every rupee saved can be directed toward reducing your debt.

Speak to Your Creditors: If you have taken loans from banks or other institutions, consider reaching out to them. Many lenders offer restructuring options for those who are genuinely struggling.

Explore Moratorium Options: Some banks may provide a temporary pause on repayments. If this is available, it can provide short-term relief.

Avoid Taking More Loans: It may seem tempting to take another loan to pay off existing debt, but this can worsen your financial situation.

Seek Family or Community Support: If possible, reach out to extended family members or friends who may be able to support you, even if it's a small amount. This can help reduce the burden temporarily.

Exploring Income Opportunities
Since you are currently a student, let’s explore ways you can earn without impacting your studies.

Freelancing: Look for online freelance work in areas like content writing, graphic design, tutoring, or data entry. These are often flexible and can provide some income.

Part-Time Jobs: Explore part-time jobs in your area, such as teaching, retail work, or any other skill you possess.

Online Teaching: If you have expertise in certain subjects, platforms like Chegg or Byju’s offer tutoring jobs. This can be a good source of income.

Use Your Hobbies: If you have any hobbies like photography, painting, or crafting, consider selling your creations online. Websites like Etsy or social media platforms can help you reach buyers.

These small income streams may not solve your debt immediately, but they can ease some of your financial pressures.

Financial Relief Programs and Scholarships
Government Schemes: Check if there are any government relief schemes available for students or families with financial hardships. These could offer temporary support.

Scholarships and Grants: Since you are a student, explore scholarships, grants, or financial aid programs that may be available. This can help reduce your educational expenses.

NGO Support: Certain non-profit organisations provide assistance to families in debt. Reach out to them for any support.

Protecting Your Mother's Finances
It is essential to protect your mother from taking on more financial burdens. If your family has any LIC policies, ULIPs, or other investment-cum-insurance plans, it might be worth exploring if surrendering these can provide some cash flow.

However, consult with a Certified Financial Planner before surrendering any insurance policies. This will help you understand the financial impact and ensure you do not lose coverage unnecessarily.

Building a Long-Term Strategy
Focus on Education and Skill Development: Your education is your best asset right now. Concentrate on completing your studies and developing skills that can lead to higher-paying job opportunities in the future.

Create a Debt Repayment Plan: Once you have a steady income, create a structured plan to repay your debt. Focus on high-interest debts first.

Emergency Fund: Once you are earning, start building a small emergency fund to handle unforeseen expenses. This will prevent future debt.

Investing for Future: As you stabilise your finances, consider investing through mutual funds to build wealth. But for now, focus on reducing debt.

Some Final Insights
Overcoming debt will take time, effort, and persistence. The journey will not be easy, but it is definitely possible.

Focus on income generation, reducing expenses, and gradually paying off your debt. With determination, you can come out of this difficult phase.

Do not hesitate to reach out for help whenever needed. Financial struggles are tough, but seeking support from community, friends, or professionals can ease the burden.

Remember, every small step you take will contribute to improving your financial health. Stay strong and keep moving forward.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hai sir, I have debt of 12 lakhs which includes 3 lakhs of Gold loan. due to the volatility in stock market I lost all the money from past 2 years. Mostly at present am jobless can u advice anything.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about your financial troubles. It's challenging to navigate such situations, but with a well-structured plan, you can overcome these difficulties. Let's outline a strategy to help you manage your debt and get back on track.

Assessing Your Current Situation
Understanding Your Debt

You have a total debt of Rs. 12 lakhs, including a Rs. 3 lakh gold loan. Identifying the terms and interest rates of these debts is crucial.

Current Income and Job Status

Being jobless adds to the financial strain. Finding a steady source of income is essential for managing and repaying your debts.

Immediate Steps to Manage Debt
Prioritize Debt Payments

Focus on debts with the highest interest rates first. This strategy helps reduce the overall interest burden.

Gold Loan Repayment

Gold loans often have high-interest rates. Prioritize repaying this loan to reduce interest costs. If possible, negotiate with the lender for better terms.

Finding a New Job
Job Search Strategies

Update your resume and apply for jobs in your field. Use online job portals, attend job fairs, and network with industry professionals.

Skill Enhancement

Consider upskilling or reskilling to improve your job prospects. Online courses and certifications can make you more competitive in the job market.

Alternative Income Sources
Freelancing and Part-Time Jobs

Explore freelancing opportunities or part-time jobs to generate immediate income. Websites like Upwork, Freelancer, and local classifieds can help.

Gig Economy

Consider gig economy jobs like ride-sharing, food delivery, or tutoring. These jobs offer flexible hours and can provide a steady income stream.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Create a Budget

Develop a detailed budget to manage your income and expenses. Prioritize essential expenses and debt repayments.

Cut Unnecessary Expenses

Identify and eliminate non-essential expenses. Every rupee saved can be directed towards debt repayment and essential needs.

Financial Planning and Support
Seek Professional Help

Engage a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help you create a debt repayment plan and provide guidance on managing your finances.

Debt Counseling

Consider professional debt counseling services. They can assist in negotiating with creditors and creating manageable repayment plans.

Emergency Fund
Build an Emergency Fund

Start building a small emergency fund, even if it's a modest amount. This fund will provide financial security for unexpected expenses.

Health Insurance
Ensure Health Coverage

Maintain adequate health insurance coverage. Medical emergencies can add to financial stress, so having insurance is crucial.

Long-term Financial Strategy
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)

Once you stabilize your income, consider starting SIPs in mutual funds. SIPs instill financial discipline and help in wealth accumulation over time.

Diversified Portfolio

Invest in a diversified portfolio to manage risk and optimize returns. Focus on a mix of equity, debt, and other financial instruments.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Stock Market Caution

Given your past losses in the stock market, avoid high-risk investments for now. Focus on stable and reliable investment options.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds, handled by skilled fund managers, can offer better returns and manage risk more effectively than index funds.

Emotional and Mental Health Support
Seek Support

Financial stress can take a toll on your mental health. Seek support from family, friends, or professional counselors.

Stay Positive

Maintain a positive outlook and focus on your progress. Financial difficulties are temporary, and with a structured plan, you can overcome them.

Practical Implementation
Monthly Review

Conduct monthly reviews of your financial situation. Track your progress in debt repayment, income generation, and expense management.

Adjust Strategies

Be flexible and adjust your strategies as needed. Monitor your financial health regularly and make necessary changes.

Document Progress

Keep detailed records of your financial transactions, debt repayments, and income sources. This documentation helps in tracking progress and making informed decisions.

Building a Financial Cushion
Savings Plan

Once your immediate debt pressure eases, start building a financial cushion. Regular savings can provide security and buffer against future financial challenges.

Investment Strategy

Develop a long-term investment strategy. Investing in diversified portfolios can help grow your wealth and provide financial stability.

Conclusion
Managing a debt of Rs. 12 lakhs while being jobless is challenging but achievable. Prioritize debt repayments, find a steady income source, and manage your expenses. Seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for a structured and personalized plan.

Stay committed to your financial goals, remain positive, and seek support when needed. With persistence and strategic planning, you can navigate through this challenging phase and achieve financial stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Sir I have a debt of 10 lakhs with no income right now.
Ans: You currently have a debt of Rs 10 lakhs, but no income at the moment. This can seem overwhelming, but with proper planning, you can overcome it. The key is to stay focused and work towards improving your financial position step by step.

Prioritising Debt Management
Paying off your debt should be your first priority. Without a regular income, it can be challenging, but you have options to consider. Let's break it down into actionable steps:

Assess Your Current Expenses: List down all your monthly expenses. This will help you identify areas where you can cut costs. The goal is to reduce unnecessary spending until you are back on track.

Consider a Side Income: Even if you don’t have a regular job, explore other avenues for generating income. Freelancing, part-time work, or online services can help you start earning something, even if it's small.

Approach Lenders for Restructuring: Reach out to your lender or bank. Explain your situation and explore the possibility of restructuring your loan. Many banks offer relief options for borrowers struggling with repayment, such as extending the tenure or reducing the EMI.

Prioritise High-Interest Debt: If this debt has a high-interest rate, it’s important to pay it off as soon as you can. High-interest debt grows quickly, making it more difficult to clear in the long run.

Loan Consolidation Options
If you have multiple loans, consolidating them might be a good option. It allows you to combine your loans into one, usually at a lower interest rate. This can ease the financial burden by reducing your monthly EMI.

Loan Consolidation: Explore personal loan consolidation options if available. This can help bring down the overall interest rate and make repayment more manageable.

Debt Counselling: In case the situation worsens, debt counselling services can offer professional help. They can negotiate with creditors and help you set up a more affordable repayment plan.

Focus on Building an Emergency Fund
Even though your priority is paying off the debt, it is essential to have some financial safety net. Once you start earning, set aside a small amount for emergencies. Having even Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000 as an emergency fund can make a big difference.

Small Contributions: Even with limited income, putting aside small amounts for emergencies is a good habit. This way, if any sudden expenses arise, you won’t have to take on more debt.
Long-Term Financial Stability
Once you regain your income, your focus should shift to not only paying off the debt but also building a stable financial future.

Systematic Savings: Once you are in a better financial position, start small investments in a savings plan or recurring deposit to develop the habit of saving regularly.

Building Retirement Corpus: When your financial situation stabilises, consider contributing to your PF or NPS for retirement. You can increase contributions once your debt is cleared.

Avoid Unnecessary Loans
During this phase, avoid taking any new loans or credit cards. More debt will only make the situation worse. Focus on clearing what you owe before considering any new credit.

Insurance for Financial Security
In case you don’t already have insurance, getting a basic health insurance plan is essential once your income stabilises. It prevents unexpected medical costs from derailing your financial progress.

Health Insurance: Start with a small cover if you don’t already have one. This will protect you and your family from sudden large medical bills.

Term Insurance: Once you have a steady income, a term insurance plan ensures that your dependents are financially protected in case anything happens to you.

Final Insights
Managing debt without income is difficult but not impossible. Your focus should be on reducing expenses, seeking additional sources of income, and restructuring your loan. Once you are back on your feet financially, build savings for emergencies and long-term goals. Avoid taking on new debt, and ensure that you protect your financial future with insurance.

By following these steps, you will gradually improve your financial health and move towards a debt-free future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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