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Should I have a baby even if I don't feel ready?

Dr Karthiyayini

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan  |1145 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan has been practising for 30 years.
She specialises in general medicine, child development and senior citizen care.
A graduate from Madurai Medical College, she has DNB training in paediatrics and a postgraduate degree in developmental neurology.
She has trained in Tai chi, eurythmy, Bothmer gymnastics, spacial dynamics and yoga.
She works with children with development difficulties at Sparrc Institute and is the head of wellness for senior citizens at Columbia Pacific Communities.... more
SHIVANGI Question by SHIVANGI on May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I am 31 years old and my husband is 33 years old. We want to plan a baby but we both feel that we are not mentally and financially ready for a child. I have pcod so I want to have baby soon to avoid future complications but I feel that I am not ready for such a big responsibility. Basically, I want a child but I am not ready for the responsibilities. Its a big life altering decision and I don't know what is the right thing to do.

Ans: The child to be born is coming from the different dimension
That spirit is deciding factor in drawing the time and space.When the time arrives
You will be ready mentally and physically
Sometimes taking these decisions too much into our mind is not healthy. Listening to the heart bring in peace
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Kanchan

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Hi I'm married women my husband is very loving we are now married for 4years we don't have children yet as I'm running 38 of my age and he is in his 41. We got arranged marriage post our marriage he worked for an year in a company were he used to work for last 10years due to some issues he got fired however later that he got few opportunity and worked in different companies for more or less 6months now he is jobless he is not taking things seriously but he wants to have children on this topic I said I won't be the alone person to bear the medical expenses I want you also to contribute the same I'm working in reputed MNC and he wants me to change my job as I work in shifts I'm getting paid handsome amount my concern is shall I think of making children as the inflation is high and expenses are increasing like thing. Some time I feel why I'm with this failure person I feels to get apart but he loves me alot need advice should I continue the relationship with him or get parted
Ans: When it comes to having children, your hesitation makes sense. Bringing a child into the world is a profound decision that requires emotional readiness and practical planning. If you’re feeling unsupported or uncertain about your husband’s ability to contribute—financially, emotionally, or practically—it’s wise to pause and reflect. Your decision to delay this step shows your self-awareness and your commitment to creating a stable and nurturing environment for a child. That’s admirable.

Your concern about his career trajectory is another important factor. A marriage thrives on mutual effort, and it’s reasonable to expect your partner to take responsibility for his own growth and stability. However, it’s also worth exploring why he’s been unable to sustain a job. Is it a matter of confidence, market conditions, or something deeper like a lack of motivation or direction? If he hasn’t been taking things seriously, as you’ve mentioned, it’s important to have a frank and compassionate conversation about how this is impacting both of you.

At the same time, his love for you seems genuine, and it’s important to recognize that. His suggestion for you to change your job might stem from a place of care, possibly concern for your health or the toll of shift work. However, if your current job provides financial stability and satisfaction, you need to weigh that against his concerns. Ask yourself: is this request aligned with what’s best for you both, or is it coming from his own discomfort with his current situation?

As you navigate these emotions, take some time to reflect on your core needs and values. What does partnership mean to you? Are your current frustrations a temporary phase, or are they reflective of deeper, long-term patterns in the relationship? It’s also worth considering whether he is open to making real changes. Has he shown willingness to take responsibility for his career and future? Does he listen to your concerns and actively work toward addressing them?

It’s okay to have moments where you question why you’re in this relationship—doubt doesn’t mean failure. It means you care enough to want something better for both of you. If you feel the love is worth fighting for, then it’s essential to have honest, open conversations with your husband. Express your feelings without blame and seek to understand his perspective as well. Couples counseling can also be a valuable tool to help you both navigate these challenges together and find a path forward.

However, if you find that the emotional and practical gaps in the relationship persist despite your efforts, it’s okay to ask yourself whether this partnership is meeting your needs. You deserve to feel supported, valued, and secure in your marriage. Whatever decision you make, let it come from a place of self-respect and a desire to build the life you truly want. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out for guidance shows how deeply you care about making the best decision for your future.

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
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Hi Mayank, My son has specific learning disability and have pwd certificate with more than 40% benchmark, he is very good in maths and logical reasoning but very poor at language portion, he has recently given JEE, there is probability of getting in government funded college, but my concern is wheather he will be able to tackle the pressure of college, I have discussed with my son regarding the various options as he is very keen on computer science, I wanted to know what are the various options available with gim so that he can lead a successful life, he is hard working and open to many ideas, thanks in advance.
Ans: Hello Sir,
It's great that your son is hardworking and open to different ideas! Given his strong aptitude for math and logical reasoning.
Here are some options.

Government-Funded Colleges (IITs, NITs, IIITs, GFTIs): If he qualifies for these, he will get support under the PWD category, including extra time in exams, scribes (if needed), and relaxation in certain academic criteria.
Private Universities (BITS, IIIT-H, Ashoka, Shiv Nadar, Plaksha, etc.): Some private institutions offer excellent CS programs with flexible learning environments.
Specialized Accommodations: Many colleges provide support like extra tutoring, note-taking assistance, language support, and mental health counseling.

Regarding Coping with College Pressure:

Choosing the Right College: Look for institutions that offer strong disability support and a friendly learning environment.

Developing Learning Strategies: Text-to-speech tools, structured note-taking apps, and assistive learning technologies can help.

Seeking Mentors & Support Groups: Connecting with peers or seniors who faced similar challenges.

Internships & Hands-on Learning: Real-world projects can build confidence and skills outside academic pressure.

Alternative CS Education Paths
Online Degrees (IIT Madras BSc in Data Science, Georgia Tech MS Online, etc.): A flexible option if he prefers self-paced learning.
Coding Bootcamps (Scaler, Masai, Pesto, Newton School, etc.): Fast-track career-focused programs.
Open-Source Learning (CS50, MIT OCW, Udemy, Coursera, etc.): Helps in skill-building without the pressure of formal college exams.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4336 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

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My son got 97.56 in general category. Any chances of getting cse at NIT. Regards
Ans: Sitansu Sir, Here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results are declared, many students and JEE applicants start asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Son's Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your Son's JEE Main percentile
Your Son's category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
His Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
HIs Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch your son is interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Son's Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your son's expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engieering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your Son's admissions!

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