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Shalini Singh

Dating Coach 

37 Answers | 8 Followers

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Answered on Aug 12, 2023

Answered on Aug 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2023
I am 58 years old working in a central government office. I have a junior female colleague who is 43 years old. We have been working together for the past fifteen years and travel together on official tours. She will always be jovial and I enjoy her company. Both were married and have children as well. I like her very much and love her as well. Recently, I developed strong feelings for her. I expressed the same to her through emails and WhatsApp and by showing special attention and care. When I presented her a special jewelry gift on her birthday, she refused to accept the same. Despite my repeated pleas and requests, she refused and when I made an emotional appeal to her on my birthday, she finally accepted and do not know till now what she has done with it! Ever since I expressed my love to her, she withdrew from me and started to avoid me. I got the message! But, I am unable to forget her and all these happenings. I feel like not being able to live without her and her thoughts. In spite of my appeals to her to forgive me and my requests to her to express herself on what she feels about me and these happenings, she maintains stoic silence and never reacted so far. I am unable to read her. Because of this, my work also suffers. I am unable to bear her moving away from me, even though she limited to speaking to me only on profession-related matters. At the same time, my feelings towards her increase day-by-day. I am unable to tolerate this new situation and just can't forget her. Just wondering if I did a mistake by expressing myself to her. I love her so much that every moment I think of her. Please advice on how to overcome this!
Ans: What you are going through is surely not fun, having said this it is not uncommon to get attracted to someone else despite being in a committed relationship.

You have shared how you feel to the lady in concern, she has responded by letting you know of her disinterest in exploring this further. You claim you love her, if so, you will want the best for her which means if she does not wish to reciprocate then you should respect what she is asking.

As for your likeness towards her is nice, but its important to convert this likeness into respect.

I would recommend joining an activity or engaging in something fun to do from learning dancing to reading books to gardening or even doing a social service. Make sure your mind is occupied at all times.

Take care

Answered on Jun 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2023
Hi Madam, I am 36 yrs old girl, working in central govt, I lost my parents long back, all my siblings are elder & busy in their family, brothers doesnt even talk to me, so there is no one who is seriously finding boy for my marriage, I tried through matrimonial apps, it didnt work. Based on my colleague advise, I tried through dating apps but nobody is genuine there, most of them are looking for hook up. Finally I found one guy who is 3 years elder than me but come to know within 3months that he too married but we are in touch through calls & msgs from past 6 years, since I stay alone at quarters, he met me more than 30 times at my place, even spent nights with me but never forced me for anything that I dont like. I love him a lot but he is married so I dont want have physical relationship with him but I too have biological urges but I am scared of getting pregnant or even loosing virginity which might affect my marriage, at the same time I dont have any hopes left on my marriage. This guy has lots of patience , we meet, drink together , do all things except intercourse , could you pls advise me whether I should have sex with him? also I stopped using dating apps as I love this guy.
Ans: I read your question a few times...I will respond it in 3 parts
Part 1:
Current relationship with someone who is not available - You are 36 and are smart to take life decisions. You can do as you wish but incase you get intimate - keep it to that only. Do not let your emotions come to play and get used to him - treat this relationship as a casual relationship which it is already. As for getting pregnant - take precautions, but more than pregnancy you should be worried about STD's hope this man is clean. As for you stopping your search because of this man - Remember - He is NOT AVAILABLE - so rethink why are you being available for someone who is not available to you. You and only you are responsible for your current situation. You have the mind to decide if you wish to continue to know or him or stop this relationship.

Part 2:
Finding someone compatible/ likeminded can become easy if you are (a) not in a hurry (b) know your dealbreakers and negotiables (c) feel confident and good about yourself...if you have these things in place then you would need patience and with that you will find your person - online or offline.

Part 3:
Its unfortunate you lost your parents - a virtual hug coming your way. While parents and sibling do help in introducing their people to others its wrong to Expect them to help - its your relationship and its ok to find your person, in fact its awesome to do so.

Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Hello Mam ! Mam I don’t know if I have right to ask you this cause Iam still 17 ! Mam Iam Seetha ..I have completed my inter 2nd year and I am preparing for Neet 2023 and Yes I am least confident about my first attempt so I’ll be preparing for Neet 2024 to ! There is a boy whom I know him since 5th class but we were close to each other from 9th class ….. but like a good friend and 4 months ago he proposed me and I slowly fell in love with him !!! He is a good guy he respects me a lot and he respects everyone …from past one month we were very close and we met several times ….. He is a guy who respects my time and his time he don’t have obsession like I have for him ….I always force him to stay or talk bit longer and he felt like I won’t respect his time and Said Iam a person who won’t understand his efforts he puts for us and he said 10 days ago that we should be away for a year so that concentrate on ourself and he said to that I should change to a mature person …and he blocked me everywhere but I refused but I done it I mean neither we talked or chatted with each other for 5 days but after few days I called him from other number and he know that and unblocked me so we spoke to each other ! He said that we should be apart for our self but then again he said we should have been friends only but whatever happened is happened now we can’t do anything he said ! I asked him that be true and if you want to ask for a break up you can buy he said no I want you and I don’t want to leave you … and yeah mam he never tried to be physical with me …only I was and for this he sayid that I never understand him and etc etc and said that I just loved him physically not truely and that broke my heart ! But I don’t know what I should do now ? He said this is test for us that will our love be the same for one year ? But then again few days ago We talked to each other and that to I started first …yesterday as a friend we were talking and he said he wrote a poem and I asked for whom u wrote this he said For my ex …he said that if she comes again then he will accept and I was really confused 😐…And we had a huge fight he felt bad and I too but lastly I said sorry and today he asked for a break up and I said I won’t repeat my behaviour gain and I asked for last chance so that I could change from childish behaviour to a mature girl as he likes … Now you please say me mam that what should be done ? Should I have to stay away from him temporarily until I get changed to a better person as he wants or should I break up with him since he said we should have been frnds only ! What should I do mam ? Kindly please reply me as fast as you could mam !!! 😕
Ans: Its important you focus on 2 things for now - (1) your self esteem and your confidence & (2) your education and career. Once you are financially independent is when you can think of a serious relationship - all the best.

Answered on Feb 24, 2023

We had an arranged marriage through matrimonial site. He lied to me about his drinking habits and financial status, etc. But after marriage i let it go that these things can be changed. His mother from the very first day was taunting and harrassing me for my skin colour, clothes, things given by my parents, etc. I never answered back to her. He also didn't said a single word to stop her. His sisters also used to taunt me and there were lots of interference. I never told anything to my parents. One day his mother was harrassing me over phone. I didn't said anything to her but called my husband and told him everything in very angered tone. He recorded everything and sent it to my parents, his parents, etc. When i tried to confront him, he blocked me. We couldn't talk for a long period. Now, he doesn't want to continue this relationship and said he wants divorce without giving any explanation. I am also very hurt. But also very confused about my future with him that how will i live with such a spineless man? My parents are not listening me that i also don't want to continue this toxic relationship. What should I do?
Ans: Its unfortunate that you had to experience what you had to...

1. Hope you are financially independent, if not please skill yourself and become so

2. Arranged marriage via family/ via an online site does not guarantee personality of a person's personality - hope you understand so.

3. Its unfortunate that your ma-in-law is an insecure and a negative individual because happy and secure folks do not behave the way she behaves with you.

4. It seems your husband also lives on some ego horse and recorded the conversation and shared it with the family.

Now I am more confused than you are - you have shared you are
a) unhappy
b) in an abusive relationship

my confusion is the following
a) why did you not break away and take this poor behaviour, where is your self worth
b) why do you want to go back into the black hole

As shared above - please work on yourself, your self worth, your confidence and work on skilling yourself to be financially independent....

Having said this you and only can decide on your life's future.

Answered on Feb 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023
Shaliniji, What were some good things about old-time matchmakers/matchmaking that are lost in today's dating world?
Ans: Interesting question – The process of Indian matchmaking has changed significantly in recent years. With the advent of online dating and matrimonial websites, the process has become more streamlined and efficient. However, there are still some key differences between the way Indian matchmaking works today and the way it used to work in the past.

In earlier days, the process of matchmaking was much more family-oriented. Families would introduce themselves to each other, and would then decide whether or not they wanted the families to get in a union. Today, more and more people are finding their own partners, either through online dating websites or through mutual friends and even if its via the families, they have a say in the decision.

Another significant change is the role of gender in the matchmaking process. In the past, it was quite common for the woman to be completely subordinate to the man, both in terms of education and in terms of work. Today, however, there are many marriages in which the woman is more educated and/or earns more than the man. This is a reflection of the changing times and the fact that women are now playing a more active role in the matchmaking process.

Earlier, marriages were arranged by families, and individuals were expected to get married in their early 20s. However, over the last decade or so, this has changed quite dramatically. Families are now taking the consent of the individuals before pushing them ahead with the marriage.

Divorce as a word was a huge taboo earlier – it is still viewed with raised eyebrows, having said this, individuals are opting for it if its not a healthy relationship, knowing that they live once. With more and more people becoming independent and financially stable, they are viewing marriage as a partnership rather than a burden.

In general, Indian Matchmaking has become more progressive and open-minded, and we can only hope that it continues to change for the better.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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