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Anu

Anu Krishna

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach 

1044 Answers | 189 Followers

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Answered on Jul 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu Mam! I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things seemed to be going fine for you outside of this boss situation. But it has been messed up! Nevertheless...
It's important for you to understand that you have found yourself 'an emotionally weak person'. He finds great solace in you and you have been very kind enough to lend a shoulder for him to cry on.
Promoting you ahead of time is indication enough for you that he 'needs' you...and when the need is over, he might not find the same kind of closeness with you OR the need may just become greater making him even weaker.
'I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot'...you have fallen into a guilt trap where if you don't support him, it makes you feel guilty.
He has been very effectively weakening your emotions for you to take care of him. Break this toxic cycle...no offense meant to him...he really needs to grow up...Strong relationships are those that nurture one another and help each other grow...what growth has happened to either of you? In fact, you two seem to be pulling each other down, haven't you? He sends emotional messages!!!!!! Do you not still see his pattern?
You mother isn't fond of him, (wonder why)?????

Be wise about this, look at your life far ahead and actually imagine a life with this person and check for yourself how it is going to pan out and do the same without him and see how it can be liberating for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 19, 2024

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My girlfriend has lot of expectations on How I must react to certain situations. I try my best to do it , but there is always one day where I don't have control on reacting the same as she wishes it , and then we fight and she keeps reminding me my mistakes from the past. I say sorry , she says she doesn't consider my sorries. I forgive her for whatever serious she says in fight. But then again after few days everything becomes normal. I am confused what should be done. Is it okay that I behave according to her expectations or what. Because I don't want to lose her. I have always discussed that the way I behave is my natural nature but she keeps me correcting. She accepts her mistakes even I do too. But now since these incidents often once a month. I am asking you what I must do in such situations where it's not in my hand it seems to behave in certain way as expected by her
Ans: Dear Govinda,
Well, all of us have expectations from each other, don't we?
But some expectations are realistic and some are unrealistic. Any expectation that starts to change the other person, control them, dictate their behavior is almost toxic and not healthy in the long run.
Some expectations like requesting the other person to take care of their health, finances, advice on work and family that attempts to see them in a better space is healthy and necessary.

So, where does your girlfriend's expectation fall into?
It's possible that because it's leading to constant fights, you are certainly not happy about her control about this. Then voice it out and state clearly that you would not like to change for her but only change for yourself and for the better. This may hurt her and there might be a lot of drama around it...but, if she is willing to look at the relationship maturely with you as an equal partner, there will no more fights and expectations around things that bother you.
Sit down together; tell her how this is affecting you and the relationship. There maybe little expectations that maybe good for you and the relationship. Be thankful for those.

But, the bigger ones are the ones that are bothersome and yes, your girlfriend must know about it. Instead of confronting, be firm and gentle and she may very well understand the whole scenario. This will also help you in situations where she expects something and it does not happen and yet she will be okay with it. So, have that clear communication for better understanding. Is this possible? Yes, provided the two of you work at this together not confronting but managing it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, I got married in 2020. I have tried to find a job for her in Bangalore.Even she told that i can't eat in your salary if I earn i do not need to do what you are asking. I just asked her that we are family why you are thinking like this.4 to 5 times same problem fight happened. Whatever I tell she has taken in negative way.After a year we got separated. Even if I explain things she doesn't understand. I have dropped her in hometown in her home. Explained things to their parents that this what happened. Asked her parents that let me know what is her decision to live with me or not.After 6 months got a call from her. she did not come out with that mentality and wanted divorce. After a month I have accepted for mutual divorce. Her parents also told that mutual divorce. when called for a meeting in common place for mutual divorce they did not reply. They have filed Domestic violence act by putting false allegations in petition. Case is going on for more than 2 year. when one my relative went to talk. she itself asked pay 25 lakh as one time settlement then only they will withdraw the DVC petition and accept mutual divorce. Now.To the head person of my caste group their parents told that she is willing to live with me Despite taking care of her properly..they filed false allegations on me and family members also. i have decided for mutual divorce when she asked. I don't have 25 lakh.I have told them that I can give them only 7 lakhs then we can mutually get divorce. No answer from them. I have decided not live with her anymore. Pls tell your opinion abt this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your decision must be right as the real reason for her moving away from the marriage is still unknown or you have missed out on sharing the whole picture.
Also, what is the reason for the Domestic Violence petition? Has there been a reason for her to feel that she needed to put a case on you? But if you know that there is no scope for reconciliation, then I am sure you know what is the best thing to do...
(Due to inadequate information from you, I can provide only generic suggestions). But, there's one thing which is: There seems to have been no understanding between you and your wife when she suggested that it's your salary; there is certainly something which made her unable to come close within the marriage and accept is as a mutual partnership rather than just an isolated relationship.

On the legal aspect, kindly follow what your lawyer advises you to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Anu mam, I am an NRI from Dubai, married and earning a good salary here. I have two beautiful, smart kids, aged 11 and 14. My parents are getting old. They live in Alappuzha with a caretaker. In two years, we plan to relocate to India with the kids so they can continue their higher education in India. But there is a problem. My kids are used to a certain lifestyle here in Dubai. Whenever we come to India for vacation once or twice a year, the children complain of the crowd, pollution, driving behaviour, and littering habits. They are however, rooted to the culture as we celebrate all festivals and events, the Indian way. I want to understand how can I help my kids prepare to relocate to India?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, they are going to have adjustment issues for sure...
India is a place that can envelop people in warmth and yet throw challenges and when one is not raised here, it can get to the. To expect an environment here that they are used to, is not going to happen.
Considering their age, they might have challenges finding themselves within peer groups as well. Get them close to well-adjusted before you make that move...
- You can plan longer vacations in India and especially the place where you intend to settle, so that they get used to the weather, food, culture and people
- They can also during the vacation period, take part in volunteering which gives them a feel of life beyond them
- Plan a visit to the school you intend to send them to when the school is in session and request for a class attendance for a couple of days if that is possible. This will give them a clear feel of how school will be like

Ultimately, there's only so much that you can do...expect few challenges and go with that flow...it's not possible to preempt it all...but projecting a few things upfront as listed above may give them an idea and help the, with the relocation process.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 months he was uneducated but I’m a S.E. Initially everything was fine but later he started like u should not talk with other boys you should not go there you should not wear this kind of dress, I’m your husband so you should listen to me whatever I say u should do that like he started. Then he started mentally abused with so many bad words nd he slapped me twice. So I decided I don’t want to be in this relationship so I said him. Then he kept some fellows to follow me to check wat I’m doing where I’m going to get all these details. And then he said I will show both of our to your family, I will kill you like this he started. Now it is almost 2 year I’m leading my life but sometimes he will call me he will threaten me I don’t know what to do how to overcome this I can’t tell to my family I’m depressed can u please tell me what I have to do
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you married? Because he said that he is your husband...I am confused...

Anyway, NO, he has no business controlling you this way...Emotional and Physical Abuse is a strict NO NO...
Tell your family and do that NOW!!!!!!!
This man seems to be acting in a violent manner and your safety should be more of a concern...it was 2 slaps, then after that? When you did not protest for that, he simply has got the message that violence is okay with you...
No, it's not okay, right? And that's why you wrote on this platform...

Do the right thing for yourself...Protect yourself from this person first! Threats of killing you did not set off alarm bells? Why are you still letting him off so easy? This is NOT love...he is just a familiar person to you.
Familiarity does not mean Safety!!!!!! (Read this again)...

Involve your family and let him know that you are not alone; he will stop his threats knowing that you will respond to the rubbish he is subjecting you to! Speak with your family...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2024Hindi
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I am a 32M year old married man, working in a MNC with no to very low growth in my professional career.On the other hand my wife 28F is career oriented lady, great academician, working as an assistant professor in a good university. I feel very happy for her and on the other hand I feel I am not correct for her, as I am very average, stuck in my job, with a doubtful career growth. Please help. Should I let her know to move onn with someone better than me. She does love me and raises no concerns at all, but the feeling of dismay is from my end.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why` exactly are you assuming things for her?
If she seems to be unbothered by who is earning how much, they why are you putting so much effort into it and creating a problem?
She loves you, supports you...what you can do is also the same...Love her and support her without focusing much on who is earning how much etc. If you had earned more and she had earned less, that would have been okay? You are just giving into the patriarchal system, aren't you?
Instead rejoice in the fact, that all is well and your marriage is wonderful...So, time to remove the old cobwebs of male dominated thinking and make it a case of co-existence with your wife. She simply would want only that from you now...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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My husband and I met through a matrimonial site in 2015. He send me request and called me over phone. At that time,I was doing as govt teacher job residing in an area which is 300 km away from my city. He met me at my rented house and proposed for marriage. He asked my age but I hesitated to tell my age as I was almost 40 years then. He told me that it would not matter if I would be older than him. He was also about to 4o then. I didnt tell my age age, as I wanted to get married, because I had my younger sister to marry. He was working in a different state that time. He sent his father to our home to fix marriage. His father asked my age but because of shame, I could not tell my real age. I told them Iwas 36. We were married in 2016 April. By that time my job was transferred to my ho.e city. So I was at my in laws home during 2016 and 2017. My inlaws i.e my father in law and my unmarried sister in law were never supportive to me. They always treated me as outsider. As my husband and me were livi g apart because of job we couldnot plan for baby. We both were pretty older to conceive naturally, so I contacted an ivf specialist. The doctor told that I have less chance to conceive naturally as my egg quality is not good. It was not impossible though. But since we were living apart, he suggested me to go for donor ivf. I was broken for a moment as I wont be able to give birth my own child. But I had to make my husband a father. So I went for do or egg ivf. In June 2018 a beautiful baby girl was born. I was very happy to get her. But pI noticed his father started to drink alot after her birth. He got tranfer of his job in 2019 and he took me from his ho.e to company quarter in home city in 2019 August. It was okay initially, but he drank a lot which I couldnot bear as l was from a totally non drinker family. He even said he could leave me but not drink. In 2020 hecame to know my real age from my matriculation certificate. He was seen upset, I apologise to him for not telling him my real age. I also told him about my and our family condition at that time. He cuddled me and said that he was not that kind of person. To be mentioned here, he is 6 month younger than me. But gradually his behaviour was changing, always treat badly at very very small things. In 2021 he again hot temporary transfer to a different place which is 500 km away from our homè. During this time he totally cut co tact with me. When I was having Corona and was hospitalized with my 3 years he didn't come to visit us. In 2022 January he was back home. He took my mother to stay with us. From March 2022 he started asking for mutual divorce. I was shocked. Since I didnot agree to that he filed a divorce case against me in 2023 August. Now It has been about one year, we are in concillation process. We are still living together. We are having physical also. Sometimes he becomes good but he always attend the concelling and says that he wants divorce for sure. I dont want divorce as my daughter loves him so much. I dont want to break the family, he is providing food, my daughter's school fees etc. I also do a job, so I dont need money from him. Only I wantvto stay as family.Is there any way to change his mind ? My job is contractual, so I dont have job security. He gets a handsome salary like 1.5 lacs per month with all medical and other facilities. Please suggest, how can I change his mindset or what may cause him to divorce me. I trust him. He also trusts me. He has mentioned only age criteria for divorce.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Any relationship that starts on a foundation of Lies is bound to go wrong. I am sure you had your reasons for hiding your real age.
Now, this has become a bone of contention between the two of you.
Also, staying apart has not really helped the two of you bond and the fact of not being able to go through the natural process of pregnancy which helps couple bond also eluded the two of you.
What does not make sense is why after the birth of the child, he has taken up to drinking. Did he see the whole process as a failure of marriage? Do go through the recommended number of counseling sessions and be sure to mention that you want the marriage.
But, its no use if your husband does not want the same. Allow the counselor to do their job and there's one thing that you can do. Genuinely apologize for hiding your real age. Maybe when he sees and feels your apology, he maybe willing to forget all about the lie. Genuine apology, please...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jul 12, 2024 | Answered on Jul 15, 2024
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Is age is so much important in marriage. Love, feelings nothing at all ? He wants to deprive his child from everything. I know which is bad for me that by daughter is not my biological daughter. He knows she is his biological daughter. Still he misbehaved with his daughter not me. My daughter is everything for me. She can leave her father but not me. She is very much attached to me. I have apologized to him from the very first time. But he takes the advantage of the situation. He wants to marry again so that he can have new family. There is no guarantee that he will treat the other wife nicely. Don't know what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 37 yr old married male with a 6yr old son. My wife and I have known each other since college and were in a relationship since then. We never had a stable relationship in college or after that as well but we continued seeing each other. Owing to circumstances, we decided to get married and even after that it has never been stable. She says I never have time for her and the relationship and now even for our kid. She blames me the entire time for being too involved with work and self care(playing sports, exercising etc). Needless to say, we dont have any intimacy as well.I have my own business which has been going through a rough patch since past 2 years which is causing even more stress which also spills over at home. The only reason why I started exercising was to get some sort of a getaway from work and home. Also, my wife, rather then being supportive, picks on the most negligible of issues to fight with me, insult me and threaten for divorce. The immense stress from both the sides is causing almost a mental breakdown for me. I did seek online therapy for a while for my self which somewhat did help. Also, my wife is strictly against couples therapy which I have suggested numerous times. What should I do to lead a happy less stressful life? am going through a very stressful phase which has started showing on my health, general being etc.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Relationships when started on a whim with just attraction and no real connection seldom cross over challenges in marriage.
And marriage is a lot of work...
Questions that you may want to ask yourself:
- Am I indulging in self-care to better myself or escape home and work challenges?
- Is my wife picking up quarrels with me to gain attention and love from me?
- Have my wife and I spent enough time building the marriage?
- Do my wife and I make time to be with ourselves?

I guess this might give you a good reality check and a way forward. If she is not in favor of couples therapy, then you are going have to lead this one on your own. It's easy to count what's not happened. But if you two choose to focus on what good has happened within the marriage, it might give the marriage a chance to become more empowering.
Yes, a marriage therapist could have led this one wonderfully for the two of you BUT what I can suggest is: Lead by example. If you start to focus on all her strengths and how wonderful she is as a mother, slowly she may break her thinking patterns and start to appreciate you as well...Spend a lot of quality time together. If you can spare time for your fitness etc, marriage needs a certain level of fitness to survive and grow. Spend time as family...go out on vacations...
Lead rather than Lose...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm a 47 year old woman working as an engineer in a corporate. I fell in love with my classmate when I was doing my engineering. He too loved me and we wanted to get married. But his father declined our marriage proposal since I did not belong to their caste. Since his parents disagreed, he did not want to go ahead with this marriage. So, we decided to leave the matter for now but continued to meet eaach other regularly and talk. A few months later, his parents forced him to get married to a close family acquaintance. Being the only child, my mom also forced me to get married to an alliance she had found suitable and i too got married. Even after marriage, I couldn't forget my boyfriend and so we would meet regularly after office and diacuss everything under the sun including our marital lives. I was never happy with my marriage and never had a child. He also seemed unhappy with his marriage but had a daughter with his wife. My husband passed away in a road accident after 3 years of marriage. I started feeling insecure and so forcedmy boyfriend to marry me. He declined to marry me due to societal pressure but was very keen to have a physical relationship. I also agreed and got pregnant with his child. When our son was 6 months old, he helped me find a rented home close to his home so that he could meet me to fulfil his physical desires. Now that my son is 10 years old and beginning to understand things, he keeps asking why his fathee doesnt stay with us and visits us only occasionally. He has never celebrated our sons birthday or taken us put anywhere. I have remained his mistress and so feel very insecure and neglected in this relationship. I also find it very difficult to lead a life like this. When i discuss this with my boyfriend, he says he cannot leave his wife and daughter for our sake (he seems to have a soft corner for them). We have had serious fights about this, and i have even told him to stay away from our lives. But he continues to come to me whenever he wants a physical relation and i succumb to the situation. Now, i feel used and want to cut off this relationship. As my son grows old and gets to know of all these things, i am afraid what he will think of me. I dont want to be looked down by my son. I have a good job, i am financially independent and have bought an apartment as well. I am confident that i can take good care of my son and lead a decent life. Please suggest what i should do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly are you living off the scraps of this guy? (In terms of love)
He clearly has sent a message that there's no family with you and your son. So, when he comes over just for sex, how does that make you feel? The reason that you writing to me is perhaps that you feel disrespected with his behavior.

You are financially independent and have the freedom to raise you son out of this confusing environment. Why would you not do that and actually free yourself from this unsettled feeling? If you are looking for love, care and affection from this man, let me draw this out for you...he is clear that he is not going to leave his family and hey, why would he? His wife has not been a party to all of this.

With all the complications of having a relationship on the side, you brought a child into this world out of wedlock (that's still not the issue), the issue is that you are still hanging onto him and the scraps he throws at you in the form of intimacy. Do not mistake sex for love...Sex stems from Love and not the other way round. So, if you feel that someday he's going to crawl back to you if you keep the sex going, I highly doubt that. Plus, again that would be unfair to his wife as well.

Now, why would you not give yourself a chance to move away from this and actually pursue a healthy relationship (when you feel that you are ready)? And that can happen only when you actually decide that you value yourself and respect for you is non-negotiable. Would you be willing to do that?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu. I am 32 years old. I got married to a guy through matrimonial app. He was very good before married. He used to shower me with love and respect and gifts. I loved him dearly. We got married 3 years back and I went to his house with lot of dreams in my life. But the moment I got married, I could see a lot of change in him. He no longer gave me much of his time. He was very attached to his mother and sister. He gave them money to run his house and not to me at all. I did not mind him getting things for his mother and sister but just not buying anything for me used to make me feel left out. He used to say that to me that you are a working woman. So can take care of your needs. Anu, I could take care of my needs financially....but I too needed his care and love. He went to a different city for work and refused to take me till I contribute 50% in the house. It came as a shock to me. Where was the love that he once showed me before marriage? For everything he wanted contribution from me. Slowly slowly we drifted apart. I found the marriage to be like going 50 -50 for everything. And this year we divorced each other. I was heart broken. I still remember the good days we spent together before marriage. It hurts me a lot when I remember how he changed after marriage. Now my parents want me to look after someone to get married. But somehow, I have lost trust in men. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It has not been an easy time for you.
But do remember that every challenging time only makes a person stronger. This is not a pep talk but a fact. Now, you are equipped with knowledge on what you seek in a relationship and what is absolutely not okay in a partner.
Now, I don't say that everyone needs to go through all this to learn BUT you have been in it, so better to look at the brighter side.
So, why would it scare you?
All men are not the way you ex was...He came in as a showpiece with all the glitter and then showed his true damaged traits. We don't need to go over that as that chapter is closed.
It's a fact that you must heal from that first before you get into another relationship as the baggage from it will weigh you down. And every small argument in a new relationship will seem like the end of the world. Also, you will be on the edge to make it work at all costs.
So, first heal from it all...through that, you must also be willing to drive a new thought into you which is: Not all men come in the tones which my ex had. They can be be different and I am willing to give my new life a chance.
This will be a useful path to embark on. If this seems daunting, then do visit an expert who can help you heal and guide you into a new phase of life. But let that new phase be something that you decide for yourself whenever you feel ready. Till then explore the world, expand your social circle and gain your lost self back first. Things will fall in place...one step at a time!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am in relationship for 6 months and now we are in long distance relationship, I have struggled a lot in family love issues, so I always craved for love, but my boyfriend is a bit distant, although he tries his best, but I just can't get over, I feel like i deserve to be loved more and deserve good care and attention, there are always the things which he hurts me almost everyday now, I feel like shutting down my emotions again, I feel very low after his actions, although he has his reasons which are correct too, but little bit wrong too, he does not think deeply about me, because he is immature himself, we are just 19, I don't know and unable to understand what should I do, should I shut myself down and try to study and not talk to him by giving him excuses that I am busy, I really am losing more and more trust from him, and slowly my will to share things is getting lost, although I scream from inside that I want to share but after his actions hurt me, I feel puzzled from inside, he is good, but I don't think he is much into these love and stuffs, he is just chill with his life, as he shows off, so much that I misunderstand him a lot, how can we understand each other better, we just keep hurting each other, because of our different thoughts and perspective, I love him so much, I want to be with him, but his actions make me further distant from him, and he also says he has his own privacy, I don't understand, if relationship is built on trust then what kind of privacy, I don't mean , I don't understand him, i respect his opinion, but because of his perspective, he hurts me too, and doesn't respect my perspective, I feel like relying on him emotionally and always have been, but he thinks I speak too much and he doesn't value it much, and doesn't understand how much hard it is for me to share....I really feel very much overwhelmed and it's not getting any better, every night I feel pain and keeps on crying, it's not stoping, it's becoming a loop, please guide me, what should I do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I can see and hear from you is: that you are dependent on him for you happiness!
Okay, 'I have struggled a lot in family love issues' (as you mentioned) BUT looking for that to be filled from someone externally is only going to disappoint you.
How can you replace family and sibling love and attention from outside?
Also, being 19, both of you are still not mature to put things in perspective. Do understand that every time you complain to your boyfriend and call that a 'perspective', you are just pushing him away...he's just being a boy of 19 trying to have a carefree life and a girlfriend with who he can share and of course, feel 'cool' in his guy gang.
Why are you expecting him to fill in for the missing love? He cannot as whatever he does, he will always fall short as in your mind you will compare with what you ideally would want and he will fall short. Then, the drama will begin where you will complain, he will defend and he will slowly call that his carefree ways and he will say: I am like this only!
And then you will feel hurt and the drama will continue.

First things first; you cannot fulfill what love you lack from outside. Learn to love yourself first. the concept of self-love is rage these days BUT it has always been around in simpler ways from the very beginning. Love what you do everyday, surround yourself with friends that you feel good with, focus on your academic goals...
Loving oneself is the way to go; it might seem a bit difficult at you age to fathom as everything external excites you...So, focus on your self and put less attention in what your boyfriend does or doesn't. Slowly, you will appreciate the things that he does for you...And you will start to feel better from within!
Your self-worth is something only you can grow from within and this cannot be dependent on anything or anyone external. Grow your strength from within!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Im 28M, feel like i have done wasted a lot of my life till now. I'm in a career but its not going good, I waste a lot of time in mobile, I don't have have any social life. I feel immature for a relationship. My patents are looking for a match, but I feel unworthy. I want to improve myself atleast till a point where I can accept myself. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are most likely in a space which is forcing you to think different from what you thought to get to where you are now.
So, take it as a good sign!!!!!!
Ask yourself:
- What do I want from life and in life?
- How do I want my relationships to be?
- How can I improve my money situation?
- What is an ideal health like for me?

These are very general questions. Once you get to the bottom of these, you will get to a point where you might feel stuck BUT will know what the problem area is. This is half the battle won.
From that point on, either, you dig deeper by putting clear goals and following them. If you find it difficult to do this, find an expert who can guide you further by working on the challenge area in great detail leading you to a useful solution. Taking the first step is a huge improvement. It's a step towards a better life than what you are leading now. So, wake up and move yourself to answer the first set of questions...it will give you a way forward...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 03, 2024

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Dear Anu, my fiancé ...( pov it’s a love marriage) always gets irritated when I point something wrong statement made by his mother. She is quite friendly but very cunning. He asks me not to talk casually with her.... My family is not this kind.... I’ve always talk to my mum like a chatterbox expressing all my feelings..... but by mistake I did this to my mil.... Sometimes I felt she is not much interested in my feelings..... she is talking to me as her son loves me ..... I guess I can’t never accept her as my mother..... my fiancée says I don’t know how to talk with them.... I haven’t said anything disrespectful... but yeah I do talk openly.... That’s how I talk.... That’s how I am wired..... but I feel deeply hurt as he mentioned that statement. I don’t know how should I behave and talk to them.... Can you suggest a solution for this.
Ans: Dear Rithu,
You will agree with me when I say that: No two people or families are same, let alone similar...
And you two are still not married. Isn't it a good time to actually get to know his side of the family as he gets to know yours and the two of you learn to adapt to who each one is rather than comparing and then feeling disappointed.
Why are you comparing your relationship with your mother with your relationship with your fiance's mother? Do you know find it silly? Moms and daughters have a different bond...you love, argue, quarrel, make it up and then love yet again. Can you assume the same to happen with your future mother-in-law as of now?
Maybe someday it might come close BUT never make the mistake of comparing people. You will always be left upset as it will never fulfill your expectations.
Instead, ACCEPT people for who you are. You are about to embark on a journey where different relationships will challenge you in different ways. the only way to ACE it will be to let people be and accept them wholeheartedly.
Given that your future MIL does not warm up to you like the way you want, give her some time to know you better. And to do that, just extend a warm heart and hand to her. Slowly, things fall into place.

DO NOT get into a family with preconceived notions about anyone and instead be curious and embrace relationships. And oh, complaining to your fiance will only end up in him defending his family and it will seem like he is not on your side. Why don't the two of you work together in understanding each others' family? That way things become smooth after marriage as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu ji. I have been hesitating to ask this question. Now I dare to tell my story. Iam married for last twenty five years and having three girls. For the last few years my wife is least interested in sex and remains away from home frequently. In fact before ten years we were living in a locality where one of my wife's friend was living with her family. Her husband was fond of sex with different woman and for this he used her wife to make freinds, cajole them and call them at night for watching blue films. My wife also got trapped in the net and one night I found her missing from bed. The main door was locked from outside. I kept waching her return and she came at 2.30 in night. I pretended sleeping and did not tell anything to my wife but shifted to new colony. Husband of my wife's friend kept coming to new house during my and children's absence. One day I returned from office after one hour and found the man in my house. I asked my wife to stop all this and since than he did not came but my wife started remaining absent from house many often with the lame excuse that she is going to visit her parents. I am upset and doubt that she goes to her friend's house. Should I let it go on?.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's possible she is involved in this vicious loop...
When you confronted your wife when you found the man in your home, what exactly did she say or how did she react? I don't find you sharing this anywhere in your question...and this would give an indication as to where her mind is...
It is quite possible that your wife has been a part of the other couple's exploits and is willing to be a part of it. I guess it requires the two of you actually getting around to talking about what exactly is going on.
If this is going to be her lifestyle, it's necessary to see how this is going to impact the girls at home and also whether you choose to accept this as her lifestyle.

Should you let this go on? - How fine are you with not being a part of this marriage in a way that must be? Are you willing to compromise on your married life? How will this affect the children? How will you work around the fact that your wife is possibly sleeping around with random people? What will your future seem like as a family?
Check your answers to these and you will know exactly what you are okay with and what you are not fine going along with. That will define your next course of action. It's as simple as asking yourself: What is that will truly see me in a happy place? You will know after answering these questions...a good reality check is in order!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I m 35 years old woman I married twice but my marriage not success first marriage in religion and second is interfaith marriage which I have two kid one son he is 16 year old and one daughter she is 8 year old I married my second one husband in 2009 he is in relationship with other women he have 1 kids with her then also I accepted because of my of my dad woh is poor and I have no family no house infact I have nobody support I stay with mother in laws in 2016 my daughter was born after that 6 months my inlaws is expired and after that my husband who sold the house my 2 kids and me on road nobody is helping me out he left me with kids. How I manage to register a dv case in 2020 but the case will go on an on in 2022 the order is pass for maintenance which he is not pay single money till know to me after this he is in jail for a month. my kids and I leaving alone on rent house . I am not working because of my health issues I m bagging for my kids to feed both .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is so unfair and I do feel for you...
What I suggest is approach a family member who can support you for a while. During this time, contact a local NGO that helps women facing domestic issues. They will be able to put you in touch with a lawyer who in turn will work out on how the maintenance money can come to you.
So, at this point in time, you need to find someone to guide you with legal matters. Please act quickly; having children with you in this situation is no joke at all.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Some people fall out of love with their partners after 10-12(not precisely) years of marriage while others still crave for their partners even after the time period in marriage. Why this happens and what can we conclude from it (we know that most of the relationships fall into routine after this much period of time) ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honeymoon period over and then real life takes over. Responsibilities at work and at home need time and attention and also the involvement of both partners.
Now, add children into the picture and then raising them in a digital age; that's again a lot of challenges, right?
Next, caring for aged parents...
Responsibilities can rob the romance out of marriages and relationships. But with proper understanding between both partners, even during tough times, it is possible to find a silver lining.
So, put in simple words, as the relationship grows, responsibilities increase and this can cause a dent in the love life of partners. Becoming aware that this is an inevitable phase in any marriage/relationship, the couple can still act as one unit and face struggles and support one another. Love can actually increase, you know?
But, only if the couple does not resort to blame game and passing the buck. A lot of movies show this aptly with much bickering and struggles.

The key to a sound relationship is to step in and show up at all times and be committed to working together in difficult times and happy times as well...possible? Yes, possible as long as the couple make that level of commitment! That's what you actually see in couples who still are going strong 30-40 years after marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jul 02, 2024 | Answered on Jul 04, 2024
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I have concluded by myself that it has something to do with foundation of relationship. If both the partners have put much efforts and investment (emotionally and physically) , they are most likely to last long while others whose relationship have formed only on short term satisfaction of when one partner is only at receiving end the love will fade once satisfaction gone or the other partner stopped making efforts. And in most cases , I believe this is true . What do you think? Thank you for reply
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Simply put, a car moves only if all the wheels move together.
Marriage/relationship moves only if both partners move together. Sometimes, you encounter differences and then instead of blaming, you work together as one unit to resolve it.
So, instead of putting an age to a relationship, just work with the concept that: For any relationship to work, the people involved in it must want it for almost the same reasons and are willing to work their differences to keep the institution functioning well.
And you end up seeing this in people who are well settled in their marriages for a long time which means they have put in a lot of work into it. But that doesn't mean all marriages/relationships that have been going on for a while are working out well. People are good at hiding things like this. So, focusing on making a relationship work together may work better rather than thinking of what time point the marriage is at!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 02, 2024

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Answered on Jul 02, 2024

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Relationship
Hello maa’m!! am in love with my boyfriend since 18 years. I waited till he gets his first job to tell my parents abut him. When the time came we both informed in our family that we want to get married. His father said yes initially and asked my family to meet at a common place. Later once I family agreed and came and called to inform his family, his mother denied saying his father is against this marriage. My parents called my boyfriend and asked whether he wants to marry me without his father approval and he said obviously!!! Why wouldn’t I? Then me and my boyfriend set a date and informed both our family that we are getting married on this date on july. My family has been always supportive and they support me here as well. But his family reacted differently saying we can’t allow you to marry on this date as this month is his birth month (some silly excuses) and they informed we can assure you we will get you married to your girlfriend in November or December. That time my boyfriend also agreed with his mother knowing that all wedding venues were booked and I have paid some kind of advance amount as well. And NOW!! My family went wild over him saying howcome he called of this marriage?? My boyfriend is asking me please give me a second chance that I will convince my parents to marry you in November or December. If they disagree i will move out and marry you only. How can I trust him this time? SHOULD I?
Ans: Dear Suwon,
When someone does not keep their word, trusting them becomes difficult, isn't it?
Maybe they had their reasons for canceling and pushing the wedding to a later date, but that could have been done taking your parents' into confidence. It shows a lack of empathy as to how much work the girls' side would have put in to pull off something.
Anyway, I am sure this question has crossed your mind as well...are they playing this game as the parents are still not keen on getting their son married to you?
You really must sit down and talk to your boyfriend; this kind of influence on him and he will keep oscillating back and forth like a pendulum...
Next step, have both the sets of parents talk to one another and clarify whatever is going on on their minds. The boys' side intentions become clear to your parents and they will be able to give you a clearer picture as well.
So, before you jump around to do anything, please talk to your boyfriend first and then have your parents talk to his and bring clarity ti the entire situation, after which decisions will be well-thought out and you will also be sure of the next steps to take. You can trust him only and only if he comes clean and is truthful about what is going on...So, ask and ask till you know what you want to know.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jul 14, 2024 | Answered on Jul 15, 2024
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Thank you so much!! I broke up with him as he told my family is against this marriage and he can’t go against them. It’s difficult now but I know whatever has happened it happened for good! Cheers!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I respect your decision and I am sure you took all facts into consideration before taking a decision.
Now, that the chapter is closed, find ways to keep yourself upbeat and positive. Do the things that bring you joy and slowly heal from that relationship moving into newer friendships and nurturing existing ones...
Every situation is a learning...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have a daughter of 22 years old who has completed her degree in event management .but it looks she is not happy with her course. some time back my husband health was critical . She had entered into bad friends for a year where she couldn't complete her final year exam but she lied to us.when I kept on asking her .what she used to do in free time and she never worked she has told us so much lie now we are grappling with the situation in this period she started to smoke .Now even if she finds job.she will lie to us .iam really scared to send her abroad for studies.she will not attend the classes.. Whether we should get her married ,or find a job or study .As mother iam worried about her future iam at 60 and my husband health is not permitting take decision. But she smokes now also .when I tell her don't do it.you are a girl not a boy we have to get you married. Should we keep low at this time or should we advice her she is not a child anymore How do we go about this problem.please give us solutions .we love our daughter so much that her life should be settled before we die
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As hard as it may sound, let her take a break from whatever she is doing to figure out what exactly she wants to do in life and with her life.
Clearly, she seems to be disturbed with something that is going on...it could also be that she is worried for her father and youngsters have strange ways of coping which could also include smoking. How will marriage help when she is unsettled in her mind?
Take one step at a time...focus on your husband's health and involve her slowly into home related stuff and also helping you out. She needs a shift of focus into something that is healthy and also surrounded by love which can only be home.
Sending her away only means that you are reprimanding her and she will disconnect from the family which then will make it harder for all of you.
So, in short, let her take a break from whatever she is doing. It's okay to do that!
Involve her at home and when she feels the love and support from home, she herself will be in a place to decide what to do next...it's like providing an anchor to the ship to dock itself...Give her that time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am female 26 years of age. I am working IT working professional, I earn 1 lack 50 k per month. I come from a very good family in my family everyone is educated and I am the youngest one in my family. My mom and brother are actively looking for groom for me. There wanted me to get married to someone who had good career and coming from good family background. But recently I meet with a guy who stays in Sweden and works as bioinformatics scientist. He is very smart and he is a kind hearted guy. Slowly I got to know about him more. He is simple decent guy he earns pretty good but his parents health is really bad. And during the year 2021 his father got 2 heart stroke and one stroke. They almost in the verse of loosing their father which eventually let his father to decide to get him married to a girl. He got married at the age of 25 in the year 2021. He is currently 29 years old. He is just 2 years older to me. He didn't got chance to talk to her before marriage he pleased the girl parents a lot of time but there were very conservative and didn't allow them to talk, so he told his parents multiple occasions that he is not ready for this marriage his parents started emotionally blackmail him. there said their wanted to see his marriage before they leave this world. So he drawn so emotional and got married to her. After 2 months of marriage he got to know both of there mindset doesn't match at all. Still he given time for her to change so that he can proceed this relationship. Currently there are living together in the Sweden there live like two different strangers, he doesn't allow her to touch him there only talk when it something important to talk. He is not at all happy with the relationship, he is seeking for the divorce but the girl's parents keep on manipulating her, even she is not happy with him, she will say at times I will give divorce but after consulting her parents her decisions keep on changing. There live like 2 different strangers under the same roof. He really loves me alot. I really love his personality and want to get married to him but my parents will never agree to idea of getting married to a divorce person. My parents and my brother brought me up from childhood very over protectively. Almost in all my life I was good quoted child who listens to the elder one. I didn't have courage to speak up about all this to my parents. But at the same time I can't move on from him. I have constant pressure from my parents about marriage. Can you please tell me, how can I handle this situation, should I move on or else should I ask him to talk to my parents. Can you please suggest me. I want to genuinely spend my rest of life with him. I don't have problem with his past marriage because he was forced into that marriage. I really like his personality, he is very hardworking talented guy. He does match most of things I look for a ideal partner. Please give me the suggestion briefly because this is the decision of rest of my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You two haven't even met, right? I mean is it a virtual meet?
Even if it's a physical meeting,
- How much do you know of him to be sure that his story is what he says?
- Do you not want to know his wife's version of the entire story especially being a woman, are you not curious?

What people say and what they are might be very different. So, before calling it Love and then taking a decision, ask yourself if you want to go through the divorce with him; I mean you will be part of that journey and then his baggage...do you really want all of that?
What screams RED FLAGS to me is the fact that he keeps changing his decision on whether to leave his wife or not. So, either he has feelings for her OR his story is untrue OR he;s giving his marriage another chance. In none of these cases are you anywhere. Does this not say anything to you? Saying 'I Love You' really doesn't mean a thing when the intention is not a noble or genuine one. Kindly go deeper into his story before doing anything and making any big decisions. Your life. Your decisions...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm around 54 years married to a widow who had two kids around 14 years back. Her behaviour towards me most of the time is very rude. she doesnt keep anhy relation with my family members and always has a grudge on them without any reason, due to which i have no physical relation with her, just Im staying in the house. Now I have met a female who is married with two kids and working as a cleaning staff, her husband is useless and not working for the last four years and she is running her house with her salary. I have been meeting her for the last eight months and would like to continue the relation, even she is very much interested, but due to family constraints she is not able to come out of the married relation she has. I take care of her and her kids day to day needs. So how do I go ahead with is relation ? Im a bit confused
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are trying to search for a wife and a family in the other lady and her children; something that you are unable to find in your own home.
How much longer do you want to live two parallel lives? Decide whether you want to continue with your marriage and work at making it work...OR find solace with another lady and her family. 8 years is a long time BUT any relationship that comes out of a need ceases to exist when the need is over or gone. What will happen when this cleaning staff lady stops wanting your money or attention? Will you then jump into another relationship?
How you go ahead in this relationship is something only you will know. Someone is bound to get hurt...Also, you seem to definitely care about family. How will they react to all of this?
Consider a few important things before you jump to any conclusions...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

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sir,my wards married in dec .2023 . hHs wife says that she can not live with family she is quarrel.what should we do?
Ans: Dear Vijya,
From what I have understood, that your son's wife does not want to live with the extended family, right?
It's good to give the newly-weds sometime by themselves first to learn more about each other an establish a good marriage. A lot of Indian families now find it better to live away from their children and their families. When you give them sometime, they will also find the space to understand other family members before getting closer.
Give them space...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir/ma'am. Hope you are fine and doing well . I have heard it from many people that a boy falls in love quickly, his love blossoms quickly and then starts to wane. Whereas a girl falls in love slowly and her love always keeps increasing. But , in reality, I am seeing a very different picture Where many of my friends' girlfriends are getting bored of their boyfriends (my friends). In many cases they either broke up with them or cheated on them Both of them are different cases, aren't they. My question is that if a girl's love increase day by day then how can they get bored of their partners. Which one of them is true and if truth lies between them ,then please explain
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am doing well, thank you.
Now, why are you getting into the WHYs and WHATs and HOWs? This will be useful if you are researching this subject for your thesis. There is no rule or law that proves that girls are like this and boys are like that. The way LOVE happens is based on a situation, how much of compatibility exists between the couple, how much the values match and much more...If everything or almost all match, irrespective of being a boy or a girl, Love can blossom quickly.

When you see situations where cheating happens or someone falls out of love quickly, it only suggests that there was no love to begin with. It was something that satisfied them for that moment or a short while and when she/he gets bored, they will move onto another person.
Why you see more girls doing this is perhaps you are looking for cases to prove what you are thinking is right. It is not based on gender but on the reason why people/a couple get together. If the reason is beyond looks, money and other superficial things, it will last for a much longer time.
So, there's no truth or lies BUT the fact of WHAT builds love and trust between a couple that defines their being together or not.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Me and my wife are happily married for 10 years and having a twins 4 years before. This incident happened 8 years ago, when my wife and her cousin visited the home town for a temple function they reconnected with this guy who is their old friend ( a distinct relative also), this person had an interest on my wife before marriage and my wife rejected. Now this person is married and having one kid. when they reconnected my wife's cousin used to do conference calls along with this person and my wife. My wife asked me is it ok to talk. i said yes it is fine but just maintain a boundary. So she wont attend all the calls from them. Attended some conference calls for 5 to 15 min and drop the call saying my husband don't like me in phone too much. this happens weekly once or twice for 2 month. they also had a watsapp group, in that they had friendly chat between them, mostly between wife's cousin and that person. My wife reply was very less. but when i was going through the messages they are not flirty messages, there i saw my wife saying very positive about our relationship and her cousin also agreed to that saying they are the best couples. but that person has addressed my wife's cousin and my wife occasionally as honey and dear. but both of them ignored and not asked them to stop calling like that. when i checked this with my wife she said that person calls everyone as honey/dear even her sisters and other cousin.it is habitual for him so she found no meaning in that and she is not bothered to correct that. thats why she ignored. i asked her to stop talking to him. My wife told she already stopped talking with him as he tried to make personal calls as she did not like it. that time the wats group also not active so she exited from the group and blocked his number. Recently we came to know that one of the relative girl got into affair with this person and this person got divorced due to that 1. Does words like honey can be used in friendly way. i have many freinds in other gender i never used honey even though i used 'dear' occassionaly. As he used this word with my wife, Does this make my wife less pure than other women's. is this cheating ? 2. I cant come in to terms with the fact my wife talked to a person who is a womanizer. does this affect my wife's reputation in the society. they never met in person other than this temple function reconnect.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is cheating and what is not is purely based on the Book of Rules that each of us have within us; it comes from the way we have been raised on a diet of 'right' and 'wrong' AND from our own experiences.
While validating whether a particular rule works well or not, just put in into context and see it.
- Does that rule keep you away from actually seeing things more openly?
- Does that rule keep you occupied with small things that hold no value?

I guess, you must think of it: is this really cheating? When your wife says that she has stopped talking to him, what makes you still obsess over it?
Also, her rule book says that 'honey' and 'dear' might not be a big thing...Plus, how can she control what another person says...yes, she could have objected and she didn't but not that she played on it.

See, the second doubts have crept in, the mind goes all over the place...even if there are no flirty messages, you will still find something problematic to confirm that what you were thinking in the first place.
So, maybe you need to look within to understand if there are jealousies and insecurities within you and that is what is occupying your mind. If Yes, then address this; speak with your wife and it's fine to tell her that you feel hurt and that you don't like it. When you are frank, a lot of things get sorted out...she may very well understand your point of view...and on your part, as you have said: she used to reply less and not respond much to him...
Do you want unnecessary thoughts drive a wedge in your marriage? Speak it out and things fall in place...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jul 14, 2024 | Answered on Jul 15, 2024
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Thanks a lot for your advice. Actually I talked with my wife about this. She said like it happened 8 years back. I did not break any boundary or did flirting expect he addressing me honey(which I don't consider as a thing at all). I can't change past what you want me to do now. Please don't talk about this to me anymore as am losing my respect on you. I feel like u are with me holding this thought for all these years. I do got your point like I should see things more openly rather than holding onto single word. But am not able to fully convince my mind. I have developed tendency like overhearing when other people talking are they using words like honey or not. How can I help myself do you have any suggestion?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, you have chosen to be miserable, haven't you?
What exactly must happen for you to believe that the incident was in the past?
What exactly must your wife say or do for you to trust that nothing more exists from thereon?

So, when you ask me: 'how can I help myself?', my answer is: Just believe that the incident happened years ago and that your wife had no role and that you trust her!
It's as simple as: When a child learns to jump and he/she jumps off the table believing that their parent will catch them...do you hear a doubt from them OR do they mull over? They simply trust and believe...
That's what you need to do...Now, whether you choose to do that or not, is up to you...Basically, you seem to want to prove that whatever you thought about the situation is true and that's why all the overhearing...what will happen if you prove it? Are you going to be happier or more miserable?
Choose...Simply believe...is that easy? Yes, only if you want to believe and experience how much better your life is going to become...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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I got married in 2008. Our son was born in 2013. My wife was doing PhD at that time and we both took good care of him as we were staying in an academic campus. Upon completion, my wife moved away from our place with her job in 2018. Initial one year, everything was fine. I used to visit them once in a month as the place was far away. Later in 2019, she moved to a better job location with our son. This place was also far from my workplace. Due to some reasons, she started avoiding me and I could hardly meet them especially my son. I could talk to my son only once/twice every month and see him on average of every 4 months. She does not allow me talk to him over video call as well. My parents who had a great memory with their grandson also cannot talk to him, except after several persuasions by me, she visits my paternal home once or twice in a year. She takes our son to my parents house for an hour and never allows to stay with them. This is happening for the last 5 years. I am clueless as any movement to court might lead us filing a divorce, which will grossly hurt my parents. Sometimes I feel that I should wait for my son until he becomes 18 (he is 11 now) and see him once he goes out of his mom's house. Requesting for your suggestion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I truly believe that distance can drive a huge gap between two people in a relationship. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone and if someone is into something like this, they would have or must have an honest chat about it.
Not being able to be in the company of one another, not being able to share their day with the other, not being able to communicate as often as they want can lead them to become their own person and highly independent not really missing their partner. It can also lead them to find other pair/pairs of ears almost replacing their partner at that moment. Repeating this over time can lead to romantic associations outside of the relationship as well.

Now, what could have caused your wife to take a step to be isolated from you, only you will know...and what has made you wait for 5 years to actually realize that something must be done about this?

Anyway, talk to your wife...I mean, how long can she avoid you? Meet her at a common place, like at your parents' place so that it does not flare up into a big thing. Take the opportunity to try and win your family back. Maybe it was a simple misunderstanding that caused all of this. Only when you try to find out, will you know, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 26, 2024

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